All Comments on 'The Party'

If so, please solicit the aid of an editor.

Lots of little mistakes, but the most egregious mistake is when you write:

"She looked close on fifty, almost half my age."

I think you mean that she looked almost twice your age. If she was almost half your age, that would make you close to 100 years old.

It hurt the story. Implausible as it may have been. I echo the previous commentator. I don't think he's supposed to be age 100. What is a wife's "cold eye"? And letting her handcuff him? Not enough explanation to give him a real reason to take the tremendous risk and even go upstairs. And the handcuffs? When she tried to get the first one on, he would have been off the bed and out the door in a flash. No man could be THAT stupid. And no one just "clicks" a handcuff on someone. Even if she had managed the first one, he would have struggled so much she never would have gotten the second one on. What's she going to do? Overpower him. Not given your description of there physical sizes. Sorry - even for fiction, just too many implausible and improbable things to make this a decent story.

I am ALMOST sure this was NOT submitted to deliberately offend and disgust. Almost! That is why I am upgrading it to a TWO! Making my brain hurt and my stomach turn is NOT erotic, IMHO.

Her Hubby might come in this room. Narrator's Sweetie would NOT (unless Boss is escorting her in by her butt!) Four months without at age (presumed) of 25? Marriage is well over! Keep driving down Hershey Highway!

Some mistakes an edit should have/could have caught. Not a bad story, though. Struck me as a little amusing. Wouldn't mind reading a second chapter.

This dude was being set up

Never should have written chapter one. 1*

I agree with Anon. we need a second chapter to get the wife's reaction and how Victor takes it or will we find out the Wife has been doing the office from Doreen.

it is as if they are both being double teamed and set up.

sometimes writers try too hard to have too many twists and it all falls apart. this is one of those.

it does not read well, there is no flow the story, and it all falls apart at the end.

"She looked close on fifty, almost half my age." So, she is fifty, almost half of your age! Way to go man, you sure do like them younger!

BTW, what is 'Bicardi' ?

to give us a reason why he did not lock the door. There was a party going on, with lots of people there. At least tell us he did lock the door, but that the doorknob fell off or that wifey had the host unlock the door when they heard red scream. The handcuffing was illogical enough, but if he locked the door, he might risk the cuffs.

That is not nice, to leave us on a cliffhanger. One star.

I guess we're not going to find out what the wife of the 100 said or did.

Ignoring the mistakes and that the author is a 1 chapter wonder, should this be in LW?

Doreen sounded like a revolting woman, both physically and intellectually, I really think this would be better suited to non-erotic or fetish. As for showing up in suggestions, I'd like to see that stopped.

Because he sure can't write! There is so many spelling and grammar mistakes in this farce that I don't believe he can read either. Thank heavens he never finished this drivel!

So bad that it has to be a joke.

... that'll teach him.

4.65 = 93% = 5- (☆☆☆☆☆-) 👍!

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Excerpt from the story:

"... As if reading my mind she removed her sweaty thighs from my face, turned, grabbed my cock and began inserting it into her well lubed and expanded butt. I sunk in delightfully easy, an incredible snug tightness taking me in. She clearly had done this before..."