All Comments on 'The Power of Suggestion Pt. 01'

Second: you can't be good and evil. He's a rapist, therefore don't try to make him a nice guy. It doesn't work. Watching him get bent out of shape because a girl he raped isnt grateful is puzzling. What do you think is going to happen?

Was a good story, but this guy is evil, he uses his power for hisown selfish needs.

I notice you do what a lot of writers do, they use the wrong word, example,where instead of wear, gene instead of jean(clothes), learn the differences then write them as you tell the story.

Will there be a continuation of this story, hope to see you other story soon!!

The narrator shifts from paragraph to paragraph. Sometimes Jason is a "he", sometimes "I". Pick one.

And while Virginia is a lovely place, especially in the mountains, I've never had a girl show me hers.

Still needs a lot, in fact.

There are tons of grammatical errors, random viewpoint changes (3rd to 1st and vice versa), and rare but random instances of what looks like a phone's autocorrect feature at work.

Could definitely use LOTS of editing in punctuation. A touch up on paragraph breaks wouldn't hurt. The dialogue was almost painful at times.

......without editorial help.

It was difficult to read and nearly impossible to enjoy in it's present form.

It might become a passable story, if you can clean it up enough to make it sensible and readable without constant stumbling and stopping to re-read something to try to make sense of it.

Also, your characters were wooden and unnatural. It might pay to take a writing class in characterization at your local JC or CC, just to provide some exposure to and practice in the skill of making characters real and making a story sensible.

Then, if you can successfully lobby help from a competent editor, you might just pull off 4 or 5 stars that you have coming to you. At 2 stars, I'm being generous.

Ugh. It was horrible to read!

I Agree spelling is an issue. But the story is fun and really what do you People Expect un-Anon your self's and write and see how the Critics are with you!

I'm not going to add to the obvious comments. I will say I'm bored with your effort. I like this type of story but this is repetitive. He keeps doing the same thing over and over. Will he ever get enough revenge? Will he ever stop "curing" people?

Can we please see a plot change soon? Revenge and harems are old themes and over used in mind control stories.

It is obvious that English isn't your first language, even your name (Mountian299) should obviously read (Mountain299) your spelling is appalling which makes the story hard to read as I was constantly re reading the sentences to work out what you were trying to say. Spell checker will not work for you as the grammar and punctuation is wrong. You need somebody who has a good grasp of the English language. The story is good though, keep trying

I appear to be the only person who liked this. I thought it was amazing

The character is an asshole, he is only interested in being an idiot.

The story was good but the writing was poorly executed. I’m guessing that English is not your first language. Please keep trying. Panther fan.

Changes from first-person to third-person mid-paragraph. This requires a lot more editing.

Only slight I had was the main character was a pos without needing to be.