The Quarterback and the Tutor Ch. 10

"Yeah," he said sarcastically. "I'm still surprised you didn't run like hell to get as far away from us you could."

I pulled him close and hugged him.

"I guess that's what happens when you love someone the way I love you. The only problem you've got at all, Lucas, is that you're afraid of your Daddy and I want to help you get over that. If it takes a lifetime together I'm going to make you understand that their opinion of you doesn't define who you are."

"Damn, Tom, you sound like you're a psychiatrist," he laughed.

"I hadn't told you yet that Dad's brother is a psychiatrist. They live nearby us and I was in and out of his house playing with my cousins. Dad always says Uncle Mike's crazier than his patients," I laughed. "Anyway, I had to pick a little bit about psychology from him just by osmosis. Plus, I took it in high school and as an elective here at the university."

He looked downward and was silent for a few seconds.

"I've never taken any psychology courses. So you can be my own personal shrink."

"No, Lucas, but I know enough to know that you and I need to see a therapist to help you and to help our relationship. We both need to work through a lot of shit."

He didn't say anything. I wanted a therapist for us as a couple in order for us to survive. I believed that Lucas' only chance at a normal life was psychiatric help but then again I wasn't sure about anything anymore. That damn family seemed to thrive in their violent world.

Lucas changed the subject.

"We've got a lot of leftover pizza here," he said. "We can eat some for supper tomorrow night if you want."

"It's why I ordered two, baby. So you wouldn't think you have to cook tomorrow night. It'll give you more time to pay attention to me."

"You're so spoiled, Tom Braddock," he teased.

"Who's spoiled here? I bought two pizzas so YOU wouldn't have to cook." I laughed and arched my eyebrows.

"Okay, Tom, you spoil me rotten. Except when you're having a tantrum."

"I love to spoil you. And I do NOT have tantrums," I grinned. "You take that back."

"Oh god, I love you so much, Tom."

"Why don't we put this pizza away and let's go take a bath together?"

"That works for me, baby."

We stood up and I untied the belt to his robe and pulled it off his shoulders. It fell to the floor and he was naked before me.

"I love it when you're naked. You're my hairy sex god and I swear I can't resist you."

His cock hung flaccid. I was sexually exhausted. My genitals hurt from fucking him. I wanted us to bathe each other and then cuddle in bed until we fell asleep.

"Let's take a bath and go to bed, baby. Morning will come too soon and we've both got hard classes at eight."

We bathed each other sensuously, carefully cleaning each other. I was gentle with his ass, no longer as red but still sore. Then we brushed our teeth and went to bed. I cuddled him in my arms, spooning with him. He held my hand and snuggled up close to me.

Morning came quicker than expected. Usually Lucas and I were both up before the alarm but it shocked us when it buzzed. The New Hampshire spring morning was cold. We were warm naked in each other's arms under the cover and neither of us wanted to get up.

"Do we have to?" Lucas moaned. "I'm fucking exhausted."

"We have to," I laughed. "Get up, sleepyhead. I need to go pee and I'll be back to get you if you're not in there when I'm done."

"It's okay," he sighed. "I'll come with you. I need to pee too."

Lucas and I got ready and I gave him his set of keys to my Silverado.

"Come on, He-Man. You're going to drive the Silverado today. You haven't driven it yet and you need to get used to it."

We both laughed when Lucas picked up our books and we walked hand in hand to the truck. He opened my door for me.

"I guess I'm the man today," he grinned.

"Only until we get to campus." I joked.

That afternoon I went back to the apartment early without telling Lucas and called my Uncle Mike. I talked with him about Lucas and he actually knew a good therapist where we lived, a psychiatrist who he'd mentored, Dr. Randy Weatherly. I called him and made an appointment for myself on Thursday afternoon and one for both of us the following Monday evening at five.

Our week was not unusual and Lucas began to seem like himself again now that he was back in the university world. By Wednesday it was almost as if we'd never gone to Georgia. The only difference was very subtle. He was more submissive to me, as if the whipping had almost made me his master in a sense. Thursday came and I skipped practice to see the psychiatrist.

"Sit down. What can I do for you, Tom?" he asked, smiling. "I've seen you play a lot. I usually attend university games."

It surprised me that he knew me, really knocked the wind out of my sails.

"I'm gay, Doc. I don't know if you've heard yet."

"Are you having problems with it? I know it's hard with you being an athlete but there's nothing wrong with being gay, you know. A lot of people are."

"Yes and no. I guess I'm still getting used to being out."

"We can work through that."

"What I'm really here for is Lucas. He's the man I'm going to marry, Doc, and we have a couple's appointment Monday at five."

"And you wanted to see me first. You know, sometimes it's best to see couples both together and separately too."

"I realize that and we'll probably need to do it but I need to tell you about Lucas. When you see him, Doc, he's going to tell you that he's okay, that everything's fine with him but it's not. His father's a controlling tyrant and you wouldn't believe his family..."

I told Dr. Weatherly everything except the bit about whipping Lucas. I figured that would come out later but I wasn't ready to tell him. Weatherly was understanding and thanked me for preparing him.

There was usually no baseball practice on Monday afternoons and Lucas and I would get home early, usually around two. That Monday afternoon Lucas stripped naked in our bedroom, knowing I couldn't resist him. We made love and were lying naked together afterward.

"Why don't we cancel the appointment, Tom? I don't want to go."

He moved downward and began to suck my cock. I knew exactly what he was doing.

"Stop it, Lucas. You're not using sex to run away from this, to run away from me. No more, do you hear me?"

I pulled him away from my cock, back up to face me.

"We're going, Lucas. That's final. You're not getting out of this."

He looked panicked.

"I don't want to go, Tom. Please don't make me."

He put his head on my chest.

"We've got to go, baby. You don't need to be afraid, I'll be right there with you."

He was quiet, resigned, and then suddenly my chest was wet. Lucas was crying.

"It's okay, baby. I'm right here and it's going to be okay."

Silent tears slid from his eyes. Something had changed within him. His body was trembling and he clung to me. Then it was like the floodgates opened. He was wracked with ragged sobs.

"I can't go," he wept. "I can't tell a psychiatrist anything, nothing. Mama and Daddy wouldn't like it."

"It's okay, baby, go ahead and cry. But we're going. And you can tell the psychiatrist anything. It's confidential."

Then I broke down, crying silently as we clung together. I fought for control, knowing he needed me to be strong for him.

My emotions were torn and I was unsure of myself, of this action. He hadn't wanted me to go to Georgia and I'd made him let me go. And now I was making him go to a psychiatrist, obviously contrary to his parent's wishes. Just how much was I going to fuck up in Lucas' life before I was finished?

"I've got you in my arms and you're safe. I'm always going to keep you safe."

He couldn't stop crying and his whole body was shaking.

"I love you so much, Lucas, more than ever. We're going to be okay."

I pulled his face next to mine and licked his tears away as they fell. At last he stopped crying.

"Okay, I'll go," he whispered.

It was as if he'd agreed to walk to his own execution.

"Baby, I love you and this is how the healing process we need begins."

We kept the appointment that afternoon and every Monday afternoon afterward. We're still in therapy and things are better for both of us.

******************************

Most gays are in the closet and they've created masks in order to survive in this world. Lucas had a mask that disguised a bisexual man who'd never had a sexual relationship with another male before me. And he had another even more elaborate mask that hid the world of his family.

I exposed his bisexual mask to the world, outed us as gay without asking him. I intruded against his wishes and uncovered the curtain that hid his unbelievable family life. Our relationship has never been the same. It forever changed the dynamics of how we relate to each other as two men.

That curtain still exists because I've never said anything to anyone. Lucas and I love each other but he warned me that if I ever said anything he'd be finished with me forever. I almost ruined his life by outing us without asking him first. I almost destroyed us with that trip to Georgia.

I easily decided that the dysfunctional behavior of a group of highly successful adults is none of my damned business. I love him too much to risk losing him over something that will never change.

We haven't been back to Georgia together again yet. Lucas has been for brief visits but he doesn't want me to go with him and I accept that. He's been to my parent's home in California and they welcome him.

Lucas talks to his mother and David on the phone once a week.

David's been to see us several times and he's pleased about the psychiatrist. Ronnie's been to visit a few times but she doesn't know about the psychiatrist. Sally came twice with Ronnie. Merry and James have never come.

I went out for football in my senior year and there were a few rough spots but I'm a good quarterback. My friends supported me because I deliver. My quarterback record was almost spotless and we had a winning season, losing only one game.

I'm sure the NFL drafted me because of my junior and senior year records. I know that if on the off chance a team signs me I'll never be more than a backup quarterback, the one they call on when there's absolutely no one else. And the team will probably cut me in my first season. Nobody ever said being gay is easy.

Oh, yeah, we bought a piano.

And the puppies are now dogs. Not that they're any bigger. After all, they're a toy poodle and a Chihuahua. Angel and Aramis own the apartment. And Lucas. And me.

****************************

Lucas and I married after the draft, a year and a half after we moved in together.

"I, Lucas Blake, give myself to you, Tom Braddock. I will support and care for you, enduring all things, bearing all things. I will hold and cherish you, in times of plenty, in times of want. I will honor you and keep you, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow."

"I, Tom Braddock, give myself to you, Lucas Blake. I will support and care for you, enduring all things, bearing all things. I will hold and cherish you, in times of plenty, in times of want. I will honor you and keep you, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow."

"I love you, Lucas."

I kissed him tenderly in front of our friends and family.

"I love you more, Tom," he grinned.

"I love you most, baby."

He was laughing happily and I cried tears of joy.

But then it's easy for me to cry in front of him when I'm emotional.

Everyone knows I'm gay. It's been no secret that I live with my lover.

Now it's no secret that I live with my husband and wherever we go, we go together.

And we're going to live happily ever after.

I promised Lucas.