All Comments on 'The Red Cloud Pack Pt. 04'

It's a good story, needs show editing though. That's an easy fix. Keep up the good work and please continue on.

A few thoughts on how to tighten up the story:

1) How did Grey rescue Elizabeth in the nick of time? Did they track the kidnapper/sex deviant? Or had they gone back to the hotel, found Elizabeth missing, then track her scent?

2) How did the kidnapper know where Elizabeth was? He knew her exact room number and knew she had ordered room service.

3) Grey and Sky shouldn't blame themselves for Elizabeth's kidnapping. After all, Sky was the best tracker. But then, Grey could have left Black Claw with Elizabeth, so she'd have a bodyguard.

Still don't understand why Sky was jealous of Elizabeth. Yeah, I know Elizabeth is human and not a were, but falling in love is subjective and emotional. Wouldn't a more natural reaction be happiness for her brother finding his mate?

That being said, did enjoy the story and liked how Elizabeth ingratiated herself to the pack by looking out for their interests - even though Grey lost his pants to a goat - made me grin too!

luv2read2

I thought this was a great story and would love more

Waiting for more, thought. Please continue.

After some editting, I hope you can get this published on a bigger scale.

The pacing of your first and second parts of this story were good, but I feel the story is getting really rushed and unexplained with the third and 4th parts. Maybe add some more detail and stretch it out a bit, the current pace feels unnatural. Otherwise, fun story so far! Loved the part about the goats :)

The different parts of your story don't seem to transition very well... they just seem pieced together. I also had a hard time with the kidnap scene. It bothers me that after that pervert kidnaps Elizabeth, has his dick ripped off, and sees Sky transform from a human to a wolf that he would be allowed to live. So he didn't die and he didn't go to jail... how is he not a threat anymore? Lastly, you say that Elizabeth doesn't talk for a few days after her ordeal but the reasoning why seems pretty weak. Yes she was kidnapped, tied up, and groped but I don't think that warrants her being mute.

Please keep writing. I would like to read the end of this story. When the next chapter?

Thanks