The Red Pill

After half an hour of nursing his beer, Robert was about to give up all hope of finding a girl worthy of the red pill. And then he saw her.

She was incredibly hot, a vision of long brown hair cascading to her waist. She was standing halfway turned away from him, talking to a chubby girl with red hair. The hottie was wearing tiny jean shorts, the blue denim perfectly molded to her petite rear. On top she was wearing a loose, billowing white T-shirt cut short enough to reveal her flat stomach. As she laughed at something the redhead said, Robert saw that the beautiful girl's breasts were round and full, causing the shirt to curve out at the top in a way that made his penis stiffen immediately.

This was definitely the girl. Taking a step back so she wouldn't see him, Robert used the last of his beer to wash down the large red pill. Remembering Deke's instructions, Robert glanced down at his phone and saw it was exactly five minutes to 9:00. He decided to wait until it was nine o'clock exactly before making his move.

To his dismay, however, the brunette goddess and the redhead were soon joined by a large athletic guy. Robert's stomach sank as he recognized the jock who had jostled him earlier. The guy was talking to the brunette, saying something in a loud voice. Fuck! Was that her boyfriend? If so, he had just wasted Deke's pill for nothing. But apparently his luck was in as the brunette looked angry and pushed the jock away. "I was just kidding," said the guy as he walked away, "Jeez, can't you take a joke?"

Robert looked down at his phone. Nine o'clock exactly. Time to make his move. He walked over to the two. As he approached, he heard the redhead tell her friend, "Okay, I'm going in for a refill. Be right back." Perfect! The brunette was faced away from him, now standing by herself. Now or never, he told himself, willing the pill to work its magic.

"Hi," he said.

The brunette turned and gave him a sharp look, saying nothing. Robert felt his stomach flutter. Now what?

"Say, uh, this is a cool party," said Robert, realizing how stupid he sounded as he spoke.

"Mm-hmm, yeah," said the brunette, looking bored.

Not knowing what else to say, Robert gathered up his courage and continued to speak. "Hey, uh, did you hear the one about the horse?" he asked.

"What?" said the brunette, looking at him for the first time. He saw her short, billowing T-shirt was emblazoned on the front with the words "THE KILLS". He had no idea what that meant.

"Uh, a horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender comes over and says, 'Hey buddy, why the long face?'", said Robert.

A small smile flitted across the face of the brunette. "Old one but a good one," she said.

"Thanks," said Robert, his courage now swelling in his chest. Buoyed by his minor success, he continued. "So, uh, I don't recognize you. Do you go to high school across the valley?"

The brunette laughed, a large smile crinkling her amazingly beautiful face. "High school? Good gracious, do I really look that young? Wow. No, I'm actually attending university. I'll graduate next year."

"Wow," said Robert. She looked so beautiful, so hot, her eyes two dark liquid pools. In a million years he'd never have the guts to approach such an attractive woman and yet here he was, and he was doing pretty good so far, he thought to himself.

"What about you?" said the brunette, taking a sip from her cup. "You here to score with some younger girls?"

"What, me?" said Robert, his chest burning with pleasure. "No, actually I'm in high school myself. It's my last year as well."

"Wow," said the brunette. "Now it's my turn to be surprised. You look older."

"Thanks," said Robert. "I get that a lot," he said, lying through his teeth.

The brunette took a step closer to him, her eyes scanning him up and down. She lifted her arm and, to his surprise, ran a finger briefly down his chest. "You're pretty cute. How old are you? If something ends up happening between us, and I'm not saying it will, I want to make sure I'm not molesting a kid."

"What? Oh gosh no," said Robert, blushing profusely. "Uh, actually I just turned 18. I know that's unusual but, uh, for legal reasons, I'm already 18 even though I just started my senior year."

"Nice," said the brunette, extending her hand. "My name is Sabina, by the way."

"Robert," he said, shaking her hand. "So, uh, I couldn't help but stare at your chest. Uh, I mean your shirt. What's THE KILLS mean?"

Sabina seemed not to notice his verbal faux paus. "Oh THE KILLS is my favorite band. They're the best. Kind of a rock/funk infusion with a bit of soul and ska. Oh and some hip-hop thrown in as well. I love just them!" she said with a squeal.

"Sounds good," said Robert, still mystified by exactly what kind of music she was talking about.

Sabina continued to talk about the band, describing how she had danced for hours at their concert, what their musical influences were and other details that Robert could scarcely follow. While she was still gushing about the bass player's "amazing" fingers, he surreptitiously checked his phone. Shit! Forty minutes had already elapsed. He was rapidly running out of time.

"Say, uh, it's getting kind of chilly," said Robert. "You want to sit in my car?"

"Yeah, sounds good," said Sabina. Surprising himself with his boldness, he took her hand in his. She willingly let him lead her over and around the bonfire until they got to the station wagon. Remembering to be a gentleman, he unlocked her door first and then he hustled around to the driver's side.

Sabina continued to natter on about her favorite band. Robert glanced at his phone and saw he only had 15 minutes left. What should he do? She was still talking when he decided to strike. Stopping her in mid-sentence, he leaned over and planted a kiss on her full, voluptuous lips. She stiffened momentarily in shock and then hungrily returned his kiss.

Time seemed to stop as Robert continued to kiss Sabina, his tongue exploring her deliciously hot, wet mouth. Never in his wildest dreams could he imagine he'd be making out with such a hottie. His dick bulged in his pants and he could barely contain his excitement.

Knowing that the clock was running out, he decided to go for broke. Continuing to kiss her passionately, Robert reached over with his left arm, his hand embracing her flat stomach. Slowly he raised his hand higher, then higher, then higher still until he was now under her shirt. Sabina moaned with pleasure as his hand brushed against the underside of her breasts. Holy shit! She was wearing no bra underneath that short T-shirt. Boldness surging through him, he began fondling and squeezing her ample breasts while continuing to kiss her passionately. Sabina was now groaning with pleasure and he knew for sure that the red pill was working.

Robert broke off the kiss and sat up in his seat. The windows were fogged up and he could only see a faint red smudge of the bonfire. Sabina was panting, her chest heaving. "My god," she said. "I've never done anything like this before!" She turned to face him, her eyes flashing. "Do you have a condom?"

Yes! Robert nodded, trying to speak calmly and nonchalantly. "I think so," he said. He quickly dug in his pants, his fingers clutching for his wallet. His cock was so hard and bulging through the thin material of his pants that he almost couldn't get his wallet out. Finally he got the battered buckskin out and began frantically searching for the condom he kept in there. "Be gentle, Robert," said Sabina over in the passenger seat, lifting her arms to strip off her scanty T-shirt.

Be cool, be cool, Robert admonished himself. His hands were trembling so much that he fumbled the condom. His fingers scrabbled on the floorboard until they found the silver square and he quickly tore off the wrapper. "My pussy is so fucking wet," said Sabina from the passenger seat. Robert tore his gaze away from her perfect tits. He tore off his pants and shoved his boxers down, his penis popping up like a jack-in-the-box. Using all his powers of mental concentration, he began to roll the slippery condom onto his rock hard dick.

Just as Robert finally managed to slide the rubber down the shaft of his throbbing penis, someone knocked loudly on the window. What the hell? Sabina instantly responded by crossing her arms and covering her breasts. The knock came again, loud and insistent. Sabina bent over and quickly put her T-shirt back on. She then used her hand to wipe away the condensation from her window.

"Sabina, are you in there?" came a loud female voice from outside the car. Robert looked over and groaned. It was Sabina's redhead friend that she had been talking to earlier.

"Angie?" called out Sabina.

"Sabina!" yelled the other woman. "I've been looking for you, come on! We've got to go!"

Sabina turned and looked at Robert. "Um, sorry, I got to go. Too bad, really. I think we could've had some fun together."

Without waiting for his reply, she leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Sabina then opened the car door and sprang out into the night. The red head slammed the car door shut behind her, leaving Robert all alone in the gathering silence.

He looked down at his penis, the purple sheath slowly losing shape as his enthusiasm deflated. Robert's morale was at rock bottom. So close! Five more minutes, that's all he had needed. Five more rotten minutes!

Angrily he snatched the condom off the tip of his wilted penis and balled it up and threw it out the window. He pulled up his shorts and fastened his pants. As he turned the key in the ignition, the dashboard instruments came to life. He looked down and saw the clock -- 10:02 pm. Fuck! Sighing, he put the car in gear and slowly bumped over the parking area until his wheels found purchase on the main road.

When he got home, nobody was awake. Robert placed his father's car keys on the kitchen table and dejectedly made his way up the stairs and into his bedroom. He undressed and slid under the blankets, utterly depressed by how the night had unfolded.

Switching off the light, he consoled himself in the way of all frustrated male teenagers everywhere, masturbating furiously to orgasm and then dropping off to sleep an eyeblink later.

---

Robert slept late the next morning and the sun was streaming through the windows of the house by the time he stumbled downstairs and into the kitchen.

Robert slumped into a chair. "How was your party last night, son?" asked his father.

"It was okay," Robert muttered.

"Well we heard you come in early," said his father. "It's okay. I was a late bloomer myself. Don't worry, slugger, soon enough you'll be knocking the ladies dead."

"I guess," said Robert, pouring some cereal into his bowl.

"Listen, son, try to be quiet today," said his father. "Your mother's feeling poorly."

"What's wrong with her?" said Robert as he noisily slurped his food.

"She's got a bit of a cough and she's not feeling good, so she's upstairs lying down," said Robert's father.

Robert only grunted. Seeing his son was not yet fully awake, Robert's father returned to his newspaper.

Later that afternoon, Robert pedaled his bicycle over to his friend Deke's house. The older boy was out front, lethargically tossing a basketball neatly into the hoop mounted at the end of his driveway.

"Hey man," said Robert, as he let his bicycle crash to the ground with a clatter. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," said Deke glumly before sinking another basket. "It's my aunt."

"Is she getting better?" asked Robert.

"Nah," said Deke, pausing to line up another shot. "She's dead."

"What?"

"Happened last night. My dad's pretty broken up about it."

"Jesus! What happened?"

"Don't know. She was only 38 years old. The damn doctors have no idea what was wrong with her. They said she died of old age. I don't know how the hell that's possible." Deke lined up another shot and the ball sank cleanly through the net.

"Fucking hell," said Robert.

"Yeah. Couple of months ago she was fine. Nobody knows what the fuck happened. My dad was really close to his sister. He's inside now, just staring at the walls. Really fucked him up."

Robert had no response. He stood in the driveway and watched his friend sink baskets for a few minutes. "Hey listen, man, I tried that red pill last night."

"Oh yeah?" asked Deke, turning to look at Robert for the first time. "How'd it go? Told ya that shit worked miracles."

Robert gave his friend a brief recap of the situation, complete with the unhappy ending.

"Oh man, that sucks," said Deke. "But I warned you. Those things only last for an hour."

"Yeah," said Robert. "Hey, uh, do you know where I can get some more of those?"

"What?" said Deke, letting the basketball roll off the driveway. "I told you I got them from this weird guy. He's paranoid and secretive as hell."

"I know," said Robert. "You told me. And they're 500 bucks apiece. But man, you got to help me. I, uh, never told you this before but, uh, I'm actually still a virgin. Technically."

"Damn!" said Deke, a small smile crossing his face for the first time. "That's a situation that needs fixing ASAP. Well, I don't know if I can still find the guy. He used to hang out at this dive bar on the other side of town. Real squirrelly guy. Anyway, do you even have 500 bucks?"

"Well, yeah," said Robert. "I spent the last two summers cutting grass. And I helped the Widow Roberts with some odd jobs. Mom made me put all my money in the bank and I checked my balance online this morning. I got enough."

"Hmm," said Deke, walking over to the basketball and picking it up off the lawn. "Let me see if I still got his number. If I do, I'll give him a call. But I'm not promising you nothing."

"Thanks, bro!" said Robert, hopping on his bicycle and speeding off before his friend could change his mind.

---

As they walked to the van, Robert shifted uncomfortably. His father's suit, borrowed for the funeral, was itchy as hell.

Deke opened his door and then leaned over and let Robert in. As the van slowly rolled out of the cemetery, Deke rolled down one of the windows and lit a cigarette. Robert said nothing, silently watching the long rows of tombstones slide by.

After some minutes, Deke broke the silence. "So, uh, listen, you still interested in meeting that guy?"

"The guy with the red pills?" asked Robert, sitting up in his seat.

"Yeah, that guy. So you got the money?"

"We got to stop at the bank first," said Robert.

"Which bank?" asked Deke. Robert told him. After a few minutes, Deke found a branch that was open. Robert dashed inside. Fifteen minutes later he re-appeared, his suit coat pocket bulging. "Okay, I got it," he said, slamming the van door shot. "But this shit wiped me out. I got exactly 13 bucks left to my name."

"It's your call," said Deke. "Okay, let's go see the guy. First off, his name is Two Moons. Don't ask me why they call him that. And before you ask, I don't know his real name and don't ask him that either. He's real jumpy, so let me do the talking when we get there."

"Sure, sure," said Robert, his face grinning with anticipation. Another red pill! If he got one more pill he knew he could score. No more wasting time on the next chick, that was for sure.

Soon enough, they arrived on a side street in one of the poorer residential areas in town. Deke slid his van to a stop at the curb. Robert looked over and saw a small house, weeds growing wild in the front yard, paint peeling off the front porch. Jesus, what a slum.

Still dressed in their suits, the two young men walked to the front door and rang the doorbell. The sound bing-bonged in a series of echoes but there was no response from inside the house. All Robert could hear was the buzzsaw of insects in the muggy air.

Deke rang the doorbell again. After a lengthy pause, they could hear movement. The door cracked open and Robert saw a haggard, older man maybe in his early 50's, dressed only in a soiled, tattered bathrobe.

"Fuck you, Mormons! I don't want any of the shit you're peddling!" the man shouted and then slammed the door shut.

Mormons? Robert then looked at how he and Deke were dressed and grinned.

Deke pounded on the front door. "Two Moons! It's me, Deke, man. I called you earlier. We're not Mormons!"

The door flew open. "Well, why didn't you say so?" muttered the older man before retreating inside the house. Deke shrugged and then followed him inside, Robert close behind.

The house stank of stale beer and piss. The front room might've once been a living room but it was now piled high with newspapers and boxes. The man in the tattered robe came to the end of the hall and turned right. Deke and Robert followed him into a smaller room with two couches. "Have a seat," said the man, shoving a pile of clothes and styrofoam food containers off one of the couches to make room for them.

Robert sat down, his eyes taking in the scene before him. A long, low coffee table sat between the couches, every surface piled high with a mélange of twisted, crushed beer cans, cigarette butts and pizza boxes. One petrified slice lay congealing on the corner of the table, a bevy of flies sampling its fragrant wares. The thick fug of piss and beer was only slightly ameliorated by an extremely pungent column of incense smoke wafting from a clay container.

Two Moons collapsed on the opposite couch and began coughing heavily, finally turning and spitting noisily to his side, a thick gobbet of phlegm spattering the floor next to him. "Fucking ciggies," said Two Moons as he lit up a cigarette.

Having been forewarned, Robert said nothing. It was taking all his willpower not to openly gawp at the older man. His arms and chest, where skin was visible through the robe, were covered with tattoos, the dark blue ink intertwined in a tangle of designs and shapes that he couldn't identify. A curving tooth or bone was thrust through his left ear. His face was grizzled, covered in uneven silvery whiskers, but his head was almost completely bald.

"So what brings you two lads to my humble abode?" said Two Moons, coughing heavily as he puffed on his cigarette.

"Well, sir, as I said on the phone, we're interested in some more of those, uh, red pills," said Deke.

"Hold on," said Two Moons, lifting one finger as his body convulsed from another coughing fit. "Need to wet my whistle," he said, heaving his body up from the couch. The older man walked to the adjacent kitchen and opened the battered white refrigerator, taking out a beer. He then hobbled back to the couch. Slurping noisily, he took a long swig from the can and then pushed aside one of the pizza boxes to set it down on the table.

Two Moons belched loudly and took another drag on his cigarette. "Now what was that again?" he said. Robert wrinkled his nose as the foul stench of the older man's burp wafted its way into his nostrils a moment later.

"I said we're interesting in buying one of your red pills, sir," said Deke in his best polite voice.

"Pills?" said Two Moons, digging into his left ear with the pinky of his hand. "Ecstasy? Vicodin?"

"No, sir, the red pills," said Deke.

"Red pills?" said the older man. He noisily guzzled the remainder of his beer and then crumpled up the can, tossing it onto the pile on the coffee table. "Speed?"

"No, uh, the sex pills," said Deke.

The older man said nothing, seemingly not comprehending. Then his gaze caught site of Robert for the first time. Fixing his rheumy red eyes on the younger boy, Two Moons snarled, "And who the fuck are you?"

"Robert, uh, is my name."

"Is that a fact?" said the older man, leaning back on the couch cushions. He shook out another cigarette from his battered pack and lit it. "Well, Robert, you look like a pussy to me."