All Comments on 'The Renter'

Hi !!! I hope there is a Chapter two or three, brewing in your mind.

Only a few mechanical quibbles will follow via "Send Feedback". You set the scene well, and your characters are believable. And you can tell a story that we've heard before so it seems new and seems real, and that is a gift. Unfortunately, I am barred from voting as quibblers shouldn't vote on the stories they quibble.

It always amazes me how writers loose track of their facts in such a short story.

"When she moved in Shelly had a boyfriend"

"About a year after she first moved in, we noticed that the boyfriend's truck wasn't there as much, if at all"

"Shelly, were you and Tim together for a long time?"

"About 6 months, on and off, I think." Doh!

AND

"Our most recent renter is a 24 year old woman ..."

"now I'm beside a nearly naked 20 year old ..."

Doh!

So you get a blow job and Shelly gets a gut full of cum, what did that teach her, fuck all

Do not let snipers deter you from writing like this. Your description of the young lady and the chemistry/conversation between you is realistic, sweet, and compelling. You are a writer. If you want to spend your time and energies on writing of this nature, do so.

YES PLEASE