All Comments on 'The Royal Garden Ep. 04'

Ok, finally the end of Act 1. Orchid has some agency, has accepted her mission, and has taken some active steps towards her goal. She has some clues to investigate and some hooks into the King and his daughter. Which direction is she going to go next? In Act 2 we'll get into the action!

This episode was very difficult to write! There was a lot I wanted to introduce without overwhelming the reader with information. The story needs to be heavily sexual, while still following a complex plot. That's my goal. Is this episode a success? Or does it only do one well? Or neither?

I think the sex in the scene is interesting, and different than what I've written before. Orchid doesn't even have an orgasm! Good or bad?

I'm pretty happy with the paragraphs spent on Orchid's mind reading. I really like the imagery of the King's semen coating Azalea's insides. Orchid will be using her magic a lot during the course of this story, so I hope it stays interesting. What do you think? Does it work as a story element?

Several commenters have suggested that the length could increase, and this episode is a bit over 4000 words -- so longer than my original 2k-3k target. I think I'll aim for 3k-4k words from now on.

Why does she care if the king is killed? He is clearly a piece of shit who cares nothing for the women he rapes and holds captive.

Hmmm, an interesting chapter. More plots being hinted at and more information on the king. Not all of it flattering. It is, uncomfortable, to have a male lead who cares nothing for his partners, just treats them as a series of wet holes. And as for forcing someone to try and sleep with their hands tied behind them...

Lots to enjoy about this chapter. Very evocative writing. Lots of blurring lines in the erotic scenes. I like the fact that not every sexual encounter ends with a screaming orgasm.

But what I really didn't like was what Orchid did at the end of the chapter. Yes, Orchid has a mission,  and yes she was forced to accept it, but is now committed to it. But her actions here went beyond finding a potential assassin. Indeed, they seem to go against the character she has seemed to be for the last three chapters.  She suddenly, and quite out of character, becomes a cold, cynical, drone, who without qualm throws two rape victims under the bus.

I see this may ingrain her into the fabric of the palace politics (even though she was earlier dismayed at the idea), but to do that by so callously betraying two fellow captives who so obviously hate the sexual slavery they are being forced to endure? Who are forced to bear everything with a brittle smile? Two political prisoners who just want freedom? Two women who she can more than empathise with? It is an enormous betrayal, and it felt 'wrong'. She didn't seem like a character without a moral centre, who could ignorantly break people and walk away without care.

Orchid is in the unique position of knowing, via her magic, exactly how others are feeling. So far, empathy and emotion have been a massive part of the magic she can do, and yet she immediately chooses to discard everything she knows, betray two fellow captives, and coldly ignore any consequences of what she has done, (including condemning one victim to carry her rapist's child).

To be honest, the end of this chapter made me dislike Orchid quite a lot. She seems to have gone from an unwilling wild card, to a tool of oppression. I know you wanted her to have agency quickly, but to do that at the expense of the other flowers feels very unworthy.

Julez

Julez, thanks for your comment. I struggled quite a bit with orchestrating a scenario in which Orchid would plausibly "buy in" to her mission rather than just trying to continually evade it. Maybe I needed to ponder it a bit more, because I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't think I pulled it off as well as I'd hoped.

Here's how I tried to build the scenario for her buy-in:

1. She begins as a generally loyal citizen who loves her country

2. She is "drafted" into a conspiracy against her will, but the general goals of the conspiracy align with her principles.

3. Being abducted into sexual slavery is horrible, but her brother is also risking life and limb for the same ends.

4. She sympathizes with Iris and Azalea, but doesn't think their escape will be successful anyway. However, she gets some leads that might help her with her investigation, and by turning them in she may earn some trust from her puppet masters.

Any tips?

I really want to know what happened. I have never actually followed another story on this site. Most of the time the writing makes me want to stab myself in the eyes. I think your writing style is spot on and I'm dying to know what is going to happen next

I hope you come back and give us another chapter. I'm not finicky; it doesn't have to be perfect. I'll even defend any typos from the grammar Nazis!

Thanks for the recent comments. For some reason I lost momentum on this series, probably because the first 4 parts need a bit of rewriting and I hate going back to do that. :) However, I've got the rest sketched out and plan to return to it eventually.

I've been checking this story constantly for updates, I'm dying to read it! I really hope you continue with this one!

I appreciate that very much!

I agree with everyone below - please finish this story!

I loved this story, it is well written! I understand Orchid trying to gain trust here, but also why not find a way to the apprentice directly ? Why Jakob? Or will this lead to a friendship and ally?

I feel bad for Iris and Azalea, but very much loved how their emotions were clear through Orchid's magic.

This is a great story, I know you probably won't continue it but I'm glad I got to read this much! Your writing is great, you should consider publishing it, I would definitely buy your book if it's as well written and interesting as this!