All Comments on 'The Secret'

Cheating cum dumpster whether it's a man or woman she fucked. Garbage story with selfish cunt in need of ass kicking.

Thats one of the worst!!

Too hollow, way too easy...The return home was like she found herself in a parallel world...1*

The story was first person from Joanne's POV and then suddenly the person telling the story had a dick? Not good.

The writing was just horrible, even for an amateur site. And it felt like a 12 year old wrote this mess. Try again. This was awful.

I really tried to give this a shot, it just didn't work for me.

Besides the editing errors already pointed out, she seems alternately mad at herself from breaking the rules (NOT Mickey's rules, but the rules that THEY had agreed to!), then mad at Mickey for acting like God for having the rules!

I didn't think much about the story but "Rules are Rules and if broken have consequences.

We kissed and kissed until we fell asleep in each other arms. I fell asleep with my mind dancing to the sounds of beautiful love songs.

With your name LeMer, I now know how elves fuck in France.

Because the sex was ok. The plot was ok but so badly written.

I have the impression the author is young and / or has little experience listening to how women talk and communicate. The beginning dialogue was bad.

The POV change from narrative to the husband was a minor distraction.

Ending was rushed and husbands forgiveness unexplained.

It would have stopped the surprise for your readers when it was revealed that Joanne ("cally me Joey") had a penis.

Oh, wait! It was Mickey with the penis, because you decided to change your natator and you forgot to tell your readers.

Didn't you mean one of the Wurst?"

Sorry! That was a very, very poor joke.

A penis...

Or was it a bratwurst?

This was a good story. I think some people just like to complain. If you don't like what your reading, move on, stop complaining. Hope to see more.

People don't talk like this. You have to tell the backstory in the supporting text, not by having the characters recite it as if they were reading a book.

The author of the comment entitled "Good Story" is correct in that some people just can't seen to be happy unless they are finding fault with someone else's work. That being said, I must reluctantly agree with the negative reviews. You appear to have a fertile imagination. The premise of the story was interesting, but the telling of the story was weak for the reasons that others have cited. I don't believe that you necessarily need an editor, but you definitely need someone to proofread your work before submission. Good luck with future submissions.

In the first few lines of dialogue I have to deal with:

(I know you have an open relationship, so if he came in here I might even consider going home with him!...Oh... so the bastard left you for some little slut from the College! Don't tell me he was abusive! I don't blame you for being pissed off!...My poor Joey. He doesn't deserve you. I'll take care of you Babe...You did something to piss him off? Maybe I'm wrong but it always looks like Michael loves you dearly. I can't think of a more understanding... )

She's nuts. From one extreme to the other. I suppose she's just a cold and calculating manipulator. And that's how your story plays out. After a strange thespian/Shakespearean reunion of the two....Brittany basically does "joey" and the b/f does "joey", but never do Brittany and Michael ever do anything remotely sexual with each other. They are basically two people tag-teaming this one person. It felt sad. I thought, "heyyy....some hot open relationship threesome is about to happen." Welp, I was wrong. It was m'lady fedora tipping goddess worship of joey. She didn't even feel all that sexy or special. I get why Brittany wanted some strange, but it wasn't sexy. Just a horny manipulative bartender....taking advantage of these two lovers having a fight. A fight I might add that didn't exist when they reunited. "Juliet, you're my sun. Romeo, you're my Moon." :and then they fucked: That was your resolution.... :sighs:

Your writing style needs work. Switching narrators was confusing.

The plot needed development for it to exceed 8th grade.

And the sex was tedious. I found myself skimming.

Overly long and complicated sex scene. I ended up scanning it while looking for more of the story which wasn’t there. Switching narrators was hopelessly confusing. The story began well enough but lost its was in the boring L O N G sex scene. I know this is erotica but the characters don’t need every sex act known to humankind.

One has to be over 18 or 21. Too bad the same rule doesn't apply to being posted on this site. I can't attack this trash as it was posted by a feeble minded 14 year old.

He spends hours each day posting his hatred to the stories in this category. It's a shame we no longer have asylums for people like this.

I tried to read this, but got lost in the first page and couldn't finish.

Confusing, the perspectives keep changing. Otherwise cute