by jaspmon
I have to hand it to you. At least you put a story together and submitted it. I have yet to do so. You should definitely let someone edit your work as it reads like directions to assemble furniture.
I really admire any man who, like you and I, put our wives pleasure above our own. I believe thats why there are so many affairs in marriages; the husbands are too selfish and don't take time to learn what their wives like in the bedroom. Time takes a toll on a marriage, but the honeymoon DOESN'T have to end. I hope other husbands take your fantasy as a "stepping stone" toward building a long lasting and sexually rewarding marriage. Keep up the good work!
No dialogue. Nobody screams out in filthy mouthed ecstasy how amazing it all is. Argh. Boring if no one talks and just description.
Dear, oh Dear,
What could have been an excellent story, as you had had an excellent idea, was spoiled by a poor, slow unimaginative writer.
I agree that the story read like assembly instructions.
I couldn't even finish it, I was so bored, and my erection faded away.
Your story?????
One word:- YAWN.