All Comments on 'The Shiver of a Man Ch. 01'

Please keep writing. I am hooked.

I don't like to post negative comments, but inasmuch as the premise of this story seemed reasonable, it was marred egregiously by switching tenses between present and past, misuse of "are" for "our" and the worst of all in the last paragraph - "..I would have went home.." I am sure that you can write better than this.

I wouldn't worry to much about the grammer,( read some of the other stories)

Just keep writing, you will learn, and this story has good bones.

Keep up the good work

Your story demonstrates promise. Please find an editor and keep writing. Lisa, Chelsea, & Amanda need different personalities other then haircolor. Don't use them as a single prop with three names. You have potential help with 'Greek god'. Remember that Chelsea's brother is a bartender at the club. Good luck!

I see this is your first submission: well done, and keep going. This chapter is a little short, but it's a start. It may help to get some sort of editor or proofreader, even if you just ask a friend to read through your work before you post.

"His smile is that of someone who knows they are attractive. I hate that, it means they are interested in one thing."

We all know that smile – it's generally attached to an arsehole. If he's to be a main character, I'm assuming he'll turn out to have some redeeming features?

So this is my first submission. I know I am horrible with grammar so for the next chapter I will get an editor. Thanks for all the good comments. The next chapter will be here soon.

Aww man cant wait to read more this grabbed my attention hard and held it. Was short but perfect. Keep writing please.

I've read many stories here which were written with such bad grammar I couldn't finish or understand the page. My hats off to anyone who has the imagination to write fiction. Looking forward to the next chapter.

PS – I like your title.

I'm intrigued. I assume you're going to do a paranormal theme?

I think to make this guy likable at all (the main character) you have to mellow him out a bit. He acted like a real asshole when he got so nasty with a guy who wanted to dance with him. He acted like a freaking homophobic jock would if some hot guy tried to dance with them, not like he is a gay guy who is honest about being lonely. I agree you can call someone an asshole who pulls you into an alley like that. But, if this guy is gonna come back, I would just recommend having him not be such an uptight asshole to people...or even the idea of a fated coupling won't make us see him as a good match for someone!

I hope you come back to this as I see a lot of potential but it was too fast paced and yeah Alex did come across as judgmental when the guy grabbed him from behind, from what I have read about these clubs that is quite normal but then again the guy was a jerk grabbing him in the alley and yes I presume this is paranormal too as he tried to put a suggestion to Alex, who obviously has barriers, which in this case was a good thing as Mystery Man was being a jerk

Alex was such a judgemental asshole. Any lonely person would be ecstatic to receive that kind of attention. The main character is horrible. I truly didn't like him. And the stranger was wrong to pull him in the alley, that was awful.

This story really grabbed my attention , maybe because I se a bit of my self in the main character ? Who knows in any case as for the grammar and length I say so .... I've read amazing stories with far worse grammar and its the first chapter not the first book so pls don't get discouraged I can't wait to find out what happens next it sounds like it mite take a bit of a super naturale twist I mean , gone in a flash , only one able to resist ?

TWO STARS , NO WONDER YOU GAVE UP WRITING . NO STAYING POWER

Continue this story please..

now i know why you gave up writing .your fucking rubbish and not one of your stories are finished