The Strangeness Within Pt. 03

Maybe it was loneliness that caused him to wander over towards Samuel. The other boy was absorbed in a screen of barely-comprehensible text. Programming code, Javier realized.

"Hey," said Javier.

Samuel jumped in surprise. "Hello," he blurted, pushing his glasses up higher.

"That looks really cool," Javier said. "Are you programming?"

Samuel eyed him warily. "Yeah," he said. "I'm really just learning, though."

"What does it do?"

Samuel smiled slightly and typed in a few commands. The screen turned into a recognizable game: Tic-Tac-Toe. Samuel typed in some moves and the computer responded. But Samuel won.

"It's not very smart," the younger boy said. But Javier was entranced.

"That's brilliant," he said. "You wrote this yourself?"

Samuel beamed. "My sister suggested it. She runs the lab at the community college. I mean, between the two of us she's the real computer whiz. She says they're going to be everywhere soon. She's even putting together one from parts, so I can program at home. Are you into computers too?"

Javier smiled at his enthusiasm.

"I didn't think so," he said. "I've really just been in here catching up on work. But what you're doing looks a lot more interesting than my schoolwork."

Samuel nodded vigorously.

"A couple of us get together at my sister's lab on Saturday afternoons. Kathleen lets us use the machines there and sometimes gives us help. It's a lot better than these old computers. They even have a direct connection to the Internet! You should come along sometime."

"Maybe in a while," Javier said. "I'm swamped with work. College applications. But thanks for asking me."

The Internet, Javier thought. Raj mentioned it as a way to communicate. He had no idea how the professor was doing. He'd never felt the kind of connection with Raj that Esther had through their mathematics, but suddenly Javier wanted badly to talk to him. About anything. He was the one person aside from Mamá who really understood what had happened.

At least he could tell Raj that Esther had found the old woman. And maybe the two of them could work together, on the outside. Try to understand what was going on, so that they could help keep Esther safe whenever she finished learning what she needed to learn.

* * *

Esther lay still on her bed, listening to the driving rain. The window was fogged, and the day didn't look like it was getting any brighter. The trees were barely visible through the gray.

Nicola had been in a good mood after meeting with Abuela that morning. She was off doing some of her meditations in the dining cabin. And Mark was out hunting, apparently immune to the weather.

She closed her eyes. Right in this instant, she was as much at peace as she'd felt since coming here. She let her mind wander, and before too long she'd started to think about Mark's penis. She felt the usual embarrassment, but this time she didn't push the thoughts. Maybe they'd drift off if she didn't worry about them. Like some of the meditation suggestions Abuela had started giving her. Anyway, there was no harm, since nothing was going to happen with Mark. She'd fantasize about Javier another time.

Esther imagined Mark looking at her seriously. Completely naked, not at all embarrassed about his erection. It was a normal thing, after all. And it was completely normal that she should want to run her fingers down his chest. To kneel in front of him and enclose his beautiful organ with her mouth and hand together, just the way Javier liked.

She'd started rolling her hips without realizing it, rubbing her back against the sheet. She opened her eyes nervously, but of course she was alone, as well as under the covers.

Abuela was trying to get her to open herself to the world, and she'd had precious little success. But she hadn't tried to masturbate once since she got here. The truth she'd been avoiding was that she'd made much more progress with her strange abilities in the weeks before she came. When she'd been mostly happy and comfortable and horny, with Javier.

Cautiously she slipped a hand under her shirt, sighing when she touched her nipple. It wasn't the same as when Javier used his mouth. But if she closed her eyes, she could remember every detail. She hadn't wanted to let those sharp memories resurface, but maybe she could focus just on the physical. A tongue touching the tip of her nipple. A finger grazing her chest, just so, and then a hand at her lower back. The heat of a powerful, muscled body pressing against her, but held restrained. She traced his muscles in the air, smelling his musk. Tasting his semen and the dirt and the leaves and the trillion drops of water falling like molasses through the air outside her. The ground squelched and an agile foot lifted, a familiar shoe —

She gasped and pulled her hands safely to her side. An instant later, Nicola opened the door, dashing in and hanging up her jacket.

She'd glanced at Esther the instant she came in. As though she'd known something.

Nicola pulled off her shoes and quickly stripped down to her underwear, hanging up the damp clothes. Then she sat on her bed and looked right at Esther.

"I'd started to wonder if you even knew how to masturbate. But it seems like you've got your own intriguing techniques."

Esther gaped at Nicola.

"Christ, I'm not judging you. God knows you must have heard me enough times already. I was just bored doing my meditations, and it turned out you were the most interesting thing to listen to. Well done."

Esther had never been so embarrassed. She rolled over, looking out the foggy window. She should have guessed Nicola could hear or sense things at longer distances. Mark obviously could when he was hunting. Even Esther had already managed it during those fleeting moments.

"Esther," Nicola said. "I'm not trying to be a bitch, though it seems to come naturally. I didn't really come here to make fun of you. I probably shouldn't have mentioned I heard you. Honestly, I think until this minute I still thought you were faking your innocence a little. This place is such a fucking fishbowl, but I guess you hadn't quite realized it. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but maybe it's better you know. I meant it when I said there wasn't privacy around here."

Esther sighed and rolled back to face Nicola. "All right," she said. "I get it. You and Mark can hear or listen to each other or me any time you want. But I haven't lived that way. I don't want to live that way. And whatever it is you can do with your senses, I've only managed a handful of times ever. That first night, you said I was weak, and you're right."

Nicola shook her head.

"The thing is, I don't think you are entirely weak. Did you know I can't actually sense you? Not the way I can sense ordinary people, or Mark. You're doing something I don't understand to hide yourself, something that only Abuela seems to know how to do. I assumed you knew this, but I guess it's all unconscious. You really are as innocent as you pretend."

Esther shook her head. "How could you tell what I was doing, then?"

"Well, I could still hear the way the sheets moved. The way the bed flexed. It was enough to know. Are you really sensitive on your back? Do you have the spots there? That sounds like it could be fun."

Nicola idly stroked herself high on the thigh, where some of her freckles were visible below her skimpy underwear.

"We really lucked out, didn't we?" she smiled. "All these extra erogenous zones. You shouldn't be ashamed of it. It's glorious. Maybe that's why I keep provoking you. We should be proud of what we are, not terrified of it."

She pulled down her panties and admired herself further. Esther rolled over, trying not to cry.

"Well, I'm shit at giving a pep talk, aren't I," said Nicola. "Esther, did someone hurt you? Have I been prodding at trauma you don't want to talk about, because I'm a lot less clever than I think I am?"

"You're right," Esther said. "I don't want to talk about it. But thank you for being direct. I don't think you're a bitch."

Nicola sighed.

"This might be a fishbowl, but it's ridiculous for you to feel you can't give yourself one of life's great pleasures. And so I solemnly promise I will never, ever make fun of you for masturbating. Or even mention it again without your permission."

She sounded sincere. Esther wiped her nose.

"Thank you," she said. "I suppose I'll try not to think about Abuela."

Nicola guffawed. "Yes, exactly. That old hag, and I say it lovingly, could probably spy on anyone in this area code if she wanted. I like to think she's beyond such things, but I still worry that she's always listening to me. Like Santa Claus, but with the beard on her head."

The image was so ridiculous that Esther joined Nicola's laughter, and she rolled over to face her. The other woman was blandly circling her clitoris with two fingers, and somehow that made everything funnier. Esther flopped back and put her pillow over her face, but the two of them kept giggling softly. And when Nicola began to sigh differently, Esther didn't even resent it as much.

* * *

"There is a marsh ahead," Mark said. "What should we look for?"

Esther leaned on her knees and coughed, trying to catch her breath. The cold air tickled her lungs, but at least today wasn't as dry as usual.

"Cattails," she managed. "California rose. Elders, squawbush, though the berries are likely gone." She went down the list and then described their identifying features.

Mark nodded slowly. "Exactly as I told you. You are extremely quick at that."

"Not at finding them, though," she wheezed. "Or covering enough ground to even look."

"You have much more endurance than you did at first," he said. "Perhaps you've started to listen to your body, or perhaps you're just getting into shape. Your efforts are giving you results."

Esther shook her head. Mark was right, of course, but she could still barely run. She hadn't expected to approach Mark's abilities, but she'd hoped for more than "a little less slow".

Mark pulled out the trail food from his pack and Esther gratefully sat to eat with him.

"You haven't shown me how you hunt animals," she said.

Mark nodded. "You are still much too loud, and too slow. I listen and track, and then I wait in silence."

"You kill animals by hand, don't you?" she asked. She saw no evidence he ever used a gun.

He sighed. "Yes. I first learned to do it with only a knife and my hands. It is quick and humane if done correctly."

There was venison in the freezer. Esther tried to imagine hunting and killing a deer that way. She couldn't.

"Did you learn that from Keith?"

Mark nodded. "I suppose Nicola told you about him. No, I didn't learn that from Keith. He was much more civilized than me. He had a gun, and a tremendous amount of knowledge and experience. I think in the beginning I was more like his hunting dog. Fast and sensitive and not very bright."

There was a bitterness that Esther knew she should steer away from.

"He sounds like a good man," she said.

"He was," said Mark. "Abuela gave me vital techniques, but it was with Keith that I learned how to control myself. Out here in the woods."

"Had he been here long before you?"

"He never said." Mark gave a rare smile. "He called her Abuela, the way everyone does. For him I think it was a joke of sorts. I was so upset when he died. I had to bury him myself."

"And Nicola arrived not long after?"

Mark nodded. "Yes. That was a difficult time for us both."

Esther finished her food, but Mark didn't seem in a hurry.

"Nicola said there had been some others."

Mark nodded again. For a while Esther didn't know if he would tell her anything.

"There were two," he said. "Jacob was first. He was here about a year. He was some kind of religious man, a priest or a monk. Quiet, and very scared to start. He and Abuela spent much of their time together, but I think mostly it was for simple companionship. You see, for him his abilities were a curse, and he'd thought he was going crazy. Abuela taught him how to avoid using them completely. A strange solution, but it was what he wanted. He left much more at peace. He's even come back to visit occasionally. I think Abuela keeps in contact somehow. Perhaps you'll meet him."

"I'd like that," Esther said. "Who was the other?"

"Anthony," Mark said unhappily. He didn't volunteer anything else.

"Am I prying?" Esther asked. "It's just, I want to understand as much as I can. Who we are. How this place works. What our history is. Where we came from. But I feel like there are all these things we don't talk about."

Mark gave her a long look. "I suppose I had better tell you about Anthony, because it will help you understand some things. You see, Anthony was here almost two years, and he and Nicola quickly became close. They were more alike than she and I are. More shared background."

"That must have been difficult," Esther said.

Mark looked surprised, but then he nodded.

"There is something wrong in my head, and I did not grow up normally. I did not have the kind of relationships that Nicola and Anthony had in the outside world. They spoke each other's social language, and I was reminded how much I was on the outside. I hated both of them for a time. But I needed Nicola, and I think she enjoyed being wanted by two men."

"That sounds selfish," Esther said.

Mark nodded slowly. "You're right. But Nicola is much more complicated than that. Anthony, though — I think he really was selfish. And frequently cruel, even to Nicola. He was better than her at certain things, and he was progressing faster."

He scowled. "In particular he was becoming much stronger physically, and he liked that too much. One day he hurt Nicola badly. Nothing she couldn't recover from, but when I returned I could feel what had happened, and I lost myself completely. But Abuela had him with her, and thankfully she kept me out."

"What happened to him?" Esther asked nervously.

"The next morning he walked away in a daze," said Mark. "I followed him, and Abuela did not prevent me. He walked for days, until he reached a populated area where I stopped following him. I am sure he doesn't know how to return here, and he may have forgotten everything that happened. You see, Abuela decides when it is time for someone to be here, and she decides when their time is over."

"That's what Nicola is afraid of," Esther said slowly.

Mark thought for a while. "You may be right," he said.

Something cold tickled Esther's cheek.

"Oh! Snow," she gasped. She hadn't seen that since Virginia.

Mark nodded. "Can I feel your hand?"

Esther hesitantly held it out, and Mark gripped it. He was so warm, like Javier.

"You don't feel cold, do you?" Mark asked. "Do you know what you're doing?"

She shook her head.

"You have raised your metabolism," he said. "Instinctively, but with some skill. That is a very important step."

Esther smiled giddily, and Mark squeezed her hand a bit more. Suddenly he blinked and let go, looking nervous.

"Eat some more food," he said. "There is no free lunch, as Keith put it. You're using your body's own fuel reserves to keep warm. We'll take a look at the marsh and go home."

* * *

"Mind if we sit here?" someone asked.

Javier looked up at Samantha. Like most of the women's soccer players, she came to show support for the men when she could. And Clara was right behind her, of course. He smiled and gestured at the open space. After some telepathic communication between the girls, Clara slid in next to him.

There were still some minutes before the game began. Javier rubbed his hands. He still wasn't used to how cold it was on the bleachers. Part of him still kept expecting to run out on the field to join the others.

"It must be tough," said Clara. She was sitting pretty close to him.

"Yeah," he admitted. "I miss being out there. But it's kind of fun to see everyone from up here, too. A different perspective."

"I miss watching you, too," said Clara. "But it's nice to have your company."

Javier swallowed. Over the last couple weeks it'd become increasingly obvious that Clara was willing to start something with him again. And he'd be lying if he didn't admit how much he missed her.

As the game progressed, the wind picked up slightly. Javier had seriously underdressed.

A warm arm wrapped around him.

"Ahh," Clara said. "You're always so warm. OK if I steal a little of that?"

Javier should say no. He should smile and shake his head, keeping his distance in a lighthearted way that didn't hurt her feelings.

Instead he sighed and leaned against her. She smelled good. Familiar, and comforting. He was so fucking lonely.

"Yeah," he said. "I don't mind at all."

...*** Chapter 18 ***...

Nicola had made a few trips to town for supplies, but this was the first time she was making the longer drive for more varied retail shopping. Finally Esther could have some clothes of her own, not least more than a single bra, which Nicola currently held in her hands. Even with two layers on, Esther felt naked.

"I don't know if I can find ones in this size," said Nicola. "You might be stuck with training bras. I know you're shy, but of course you could just go without. You sure there's nothing else you need from town? A favorite snack?"

Esther shook her head.

"All right," Nicola said. "Don't let the place burn down while I'm gone. Mark might not mind but some of us need a roof."

Esther wriggled under the covers when Nicola left. She let out her breath when she finally heard the truck pulling away.

Nicola was gone for the day, and Mark was in the woods. Breathing quickly, she pulled off her sweater and pants. She lay still, feeling her breath quicken. What if Mark came back early?

He would ignore her, of course. Mark wasn't Nicola. And even Nicola was behaving more modestly around her now. Though of course her roommates still had noisy sex a couple times a week.

She couldn't deny her uncomfortable arousal when they coupled. The last time it happened, she'd rubbed her back as subtly as she could. Maybe they'd noticed and maybe not, but no one had said anything. Just as Abuela never said anything.

Esther began rubbing her back in the usual way. But lately she'd been feeling some new sensations from between her legs. She slipped her hand under Nicola's panties and began to rub around the strange ring of sensitive flesh. When the freckles on her chest demanded attention, she used her other hand there.

She couldn't focus, though. Even now, she was too uptight. Her body was responding well enough, but her brain was another matter. And as much as she wanted to know if she was capable of an orgasm, the most important thing was to understand her brain.

She reluctantly withdrew her hand. Her fingers were slightly damp, with a faint lingering smell. She sighed and opened her memories once more to Javier's smells, and the feelings she'd had the last time they'd been intimate.

The wrenching sense of loss was more muted than last time. She felt lightheaded. The wet pines outside smelled sharp, and her heart raced. She tried to capture that meditative feeling Abuela described. Not passing judgments on her own thoughts. Let them glide past like the stream she'd loved so much.

She felt the woods around her, each tree distinct. Her mind rushed towards the details of the bark, the sap, the little insects, and she let it happen. Soon she was floating amongst the trees again, looking at Abuela's cabin, the patterns on the door. She swooped right through, and there was Abuela, sitting in thought in front of one of the twisted sculptures she made from wood. Quicker than a blink, Abuela shifted, her blue and green eyes staring directly at Esther.

She yelped, and suddenly she was lying under her sheets again.