The Sun on my Skin Ch. 02

"Mum..." there is a catch in my voice as tears fall, "how can loving someone be sinful? How can the two of us caring for each other be wrong?"

"It's unnatural and against God's law. And the children! To bring them up in the knowledge of what you and their mother are doing... I am ashamed that my daughter could ever do such a thing." Finally, amid the tears, my anger cuts in.

"You're ashamed of me? Well, I am ashamed of you: ashamed of your... your narrow-minded bigotry. Attitudes like yours are the reason why Tanwen and I being together won't be easy, why Jake and Eryn and little Tilly might be teased or bullied. I know that things like that might break our relationship -- though I intend to fight bloody hard to be with her because I love Tanwen... and her kids."

"Please don't swear at me Janice," she replies with insufferable condescension, "I have only your best interests at heart. You said things have been hard between you and Clive and I'm sure this... deviant love is just a reaction to that."

"Deviant love? Listen to yourself, Mother. I'd much rather my deviant love for Tan than your narrow-minded, sanctimonious homophobia that you pretend is a love of God. I love Tanwen and you'll just have to deal with that fact!" I stab the End Call button and slam the phone on the table. "Aaagh!" I growl in frustration but then the sobbing begins.

I knew she wouldn't be thrilled by the news but I'd hoped that she might want to try and understand. I never expected the outright rejection, condemnation even, that I received. I don't care; she and her bitter piety can get stuffed. I take a deep breath; I need to pull myself together and...

"Um, are you all right, Jani?" I look sharply right to see Jake watching me awkwardly from the door. I hurriedly wipe my eyes with the heels of my hands.

"Just a difficult phone call," I reply, trying to put on a brave face and pretend that I'm not as upset as I feel and probably appear.

"That was your Mother, wasn't it? You were telling her about you being in love with Mum." I nod sadly; I wonder if I should tell him off for eavesdropping. "I... I'm sorry I was listening to you on the phone, it's just..."

"No, I'd have done the same in your position. Is Tilly alright?"

"Yeah, she's fine, watching Postman Pat." He looks uncertain but takes hesitant a step towards me. "Your Mum didn't like you telling her you're a lesbian, did she?"

"No, not one bit." I snort, rubbing angrily at my eyes as tears well in them again. Jake walks to the table and pulls out the chair beside me to sit down. "Sorry," I apologise for my tearfulness.

"No, you don't need to say sorry. Um, Eryn told me what she saw this morning, you and Mum..."

"Oh god, now I'm really sorry. Eryn said she wouldn't tell you but look, Jake, I know we shouldn't have..."

"No, it's okay... and I sort of made Eryn tell me; I heard you and her and Mum talking and crying, so I wanted to know what the matter was." He bites his lip, a thirteen-year-old lad unsure of what to do in the midst of female emotions. "What you said on the phone about being ashamed of your Mum and about how you'd fight to be with us... did you really mean that? All of it?"

"Yes, Jake, I did; I wasn't just saying it to annoy my Mother, however bloody unpleasant she was being. I hope you don't say things just to annoy your Mum."

"No... well, not often," he smiles. "But then, she's not bloody annoying, not usually. Um, do you want a cup of tea or anything?" he asks, serious once more.

"Thank you, a cup of tea would be lovely." As he goes to fill the kettle Eryn enters, headphones in and her head bobbing to the unheard music's rhythm.

"Jani, what's up?" she asks with a frowning look of concern.

"Oh, I'm okay," I tell her, knowing that my red-eyed and probably puffy face belies that.

"She just had a major league bust-up with her Mum," Jake unhelpfully interjects.

"What happened?" Eryn asks, intrigued and concerned.

"I told my mother that I'd split up with my fiancé and was in love with your Mum, that's all. She, um, she didn't take it terribly well," I admit.

"What did you say to her?" she asks. I don't know how to answer that, not instantly; I know I will have to speak to Mum again and try to resolve things.

"I... I told her that I don't care if she thinks that two women being in love is wrong."

"And the rest," Jake says and I glance over to see him pouring boiling water into the mug.

"Okay, but just for that you can make Tan, I mean your Mum, you can make her a cup of tea too." I look back to Eryn. "I told her that if I had to choose between her, with her homophobia and prejudice, and being here...I told her I'd fight to be here with your Mum and you lot, that's all."

"That sounds like quite a lot for 'that's all', Jani." Unexpectedly she steps closer and gives me a quick hug. "Are you going to tell Mum?"

"Of course; in fact, if those cups of tea are ready, Jake, I'll take them both and go and see your Mum now."

"I thought she was in the bath... okay, yeah, whatever..." Jake looks bashful.

"Don't worry, it's just to give her the tea and have a chat." Okay, maybe she'll also change her mind and need her back washed after all.

"Right, seat belts on you two. Have you got Tomtom, Tilly?" Tanwen asks.

"Tomtom here, Mummy," she pulls the little ginger cat toy from beside her child's safety seat and gives it a cuddle.

"We left it in a restaurant once, so we did; the most stressful half an hour of my life!" she tells me with a smile. "You okay? Ready to go back to the real world?" I reach out to take her hand, lacing my fingers between hers as she holds the steering wheel.

"With you, yes I am, darling."

"A bit soppy," I hear Eryn mutter.

"Ignore her: it's a very sweet thing to say, cariad."

"Maybe it did sound a bit sickly-sweet," I admit but... oh damn it, I'm just going to get called soppy again if I say it out loud, so I lean in and whisper "I love you so much, Tan darling," in her ear. She turns and plants a firm, and very pleasant, kiss on my lips.

"Mummy kiss Jani!" Tilly says happily.

"Too soppy?" Tanwen asks as she fixes her older daughter with a stare, "Or are we going to look at some makeup when we stop to eat in Salisbury?"

"No, Mum, not soppy at all," Eryn grins sheepishly.

"Good. Are you okay Jake?" she asks her son. I twist in my seat so I can look at him. He's been quite subdued since the phone call to my Mum and I'm hoping that this isn't a negative sign. However, the bustle of packing and tidying hasn't given me a chance to talk to him.

"Yeah, I'm okay, actually," he replies, looking up from the comic book he's reading, first to Tanwen and then to me. I expect him to go back to his reading, but he hasn't finished. "You know, I thought this weekend was going to be really dull; I didn't think when we arrived here on Friday evening that by the time we left you'd have a girlfriend, Mum."

"Neither did I, so I didn't! But, Jake, Eryn, is that okay?"

"It still seems weird," admits Jake but there is a new acceptance in his voice that brings me hope and happiness.

"Yeah," agrees Eryn, "but kinda good weird."

"I can go with good-weird," I laugh. "It's a pretty good description. I love you lot, I really do." Tanwen starts the engine.

"Come on, time to get underway," Tanwen says, putting the car in gear and glancing in the mirrors as she moves off. I look back at the house and wonder what the good-weird future holds.

To be continued...