The True Master Ch. 04

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I put my hand up into the air like a nervous teenager in class shaking it side to side, Beth noticed and I gave thumbs up. She smiled and in a flash she sent Kent flying up over the bar and into the collection of liquors behind it smashing a sizable quantity of them. The club fell silent as everyone turned to look at the source of the noise. Beth raised herself up and reaching out took my arm.

Everyone's eyes on us we marched out of the room and the crowd slowly parted around us as we walked back into the regular club where losing our nerve both of us quickened our pace eager to get out.

"What was that?" I hissed at Beth.

"He got grabby." She grumbled.

"You don't do that to every guy that makes move on you do you?" I asked.

"I don't but most people hitting on me aren't the same people who kidnaped my girlfriend!" she said.

My eyebrows shot up at that and everything clicked into place, why she hated me from the get go and why she was working so hard to get Tracy back.

"Beth you're gay!" I said.

She looked over at me giving me another of her withering glares but otherwise remained silent.

"I mean it explains a lot." I said.

"Shut up Marcus." She growled at me.

"Here I thought you were doing this to become a detective or something, but its love!" I said and chuckled.

Beth punched me in the shoulder and I yelped, she knew how to punch.

"Shut the hell up Marcus." She repeated.

I shook my head still grinning slightly. Getting into the car Beth started the engine and making the tires screech she pulled out of the spot and shot through the parking lot swerving to avoid several people walking inside.

Shooting out onto the main road she seemed to calm down slightly as the club disappeared behind us.

"Did you do it?" she asked.

"Yeah, I got his tablet." I said. "Hopefully he's got poor security practices and he uses the same password for that as he does everything else. Most people do." I said. Reaching into my pocket I took out the hard drive and held it up to the light to examine the thing. A four terabyte drive, if it was full then I had basically all of Kent's financial and business data on it. I could ruin the guy if I wanted too, although at the moment the data was encrypted.

"You saw her." Said Beth.

I hesitated knowing what she was asking about, she hadn't wanted to see her girlfriend in the corner of some idiotic club vapidly sucking a guy off.

"I saw her." I said.

"He fucked her up, she was fatter than that." Said Beth. "And her hair was a darker not that bleached blond shoulder length haircuts she's got going." She said. Angry Beth punched the dash of her car breaking off the air conditioning dial. I grabbed it out of the air and put it back on snapping it in place.

"I'm going to fucking kill Kent and the Company!" she hissed.

"You're not going to report this then?" I asked.

She glanced over at me and sighed.

"I really should but like you said the Chief is probably in bed with them and we have no idea who else is. Heck half of the cities elite were at that club!" she said.

"So am I still paranoid?" I asked teasing her.

"Yes, but you were right this time. You ask me to wear a tinfoil hat though and I'm sending you to an asylum." Said Beth grinning slightly.

I chuckled and the two of us fell into a comfortable silence this was our first success, I would have what I needed to help Kate the next time he reprogrammed his Dolls and Beth was a step closer to getting Tracy back. We had gone up against the odds and come out on top.

It was the last time we would feel that thrill of success.

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7 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

You write very well for someone who learned English as a secondary language, it may be the most difficult language to learn. Keep it up and I know you will improve!

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
I agree with Boratus

Same as Boratus said. The chapters so far contain many spelling mistakes and while the story in itself is good that makes me enjoy it less.

BoratusBoratusover 7 years ago
Good story. Bad grammar.

I just found this and am really enjoying it. Good plot, nice character development, great descriptions. The grammar needs a lot of work though. Run on sentences, missing commas, "their" instead of "there", "to" instead of "too," and much more. At one point you called Beth, Kate. I doubt you'll fix this now, but please use an editor moving forward. It's painful to read in some places. And the errors keep me from giving the chapters 5 star ratings.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Great story -- might look into an editor at some point.

Your story composition is good, and in general you write well. You have a bit of trouble with word choice (to, too), (ch 1:rescind, resend)...

Spell checkers, unfortunately, can make that worse that it should be. It's not a great problem, but I tend to notice.

Definitely keep writing !!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
You keep doing this:

"Father it is under control, the police have backed off and the charges have disappeared." Said Kent.

The attribution has to be in the same sentence. Use a comma within quotes and the 'said' isn't capitalized.

And buy a few commas.

This sentence should be: "Father, it is under control. The police have backed off and the charges have disappeared," said Kent.

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