The Void Bunny

Ben just sat there as I took off my heels.

"Was it something I said?" he asked.

"No," I said quickly. "Look, Ben—last night, we didn't even have sex, and you regretted it. I'm just—just let me return the favor, okay? You're drunk and I'm drunk, and this isn't the way we should do it."

He was quiet.

"Please, say something," I whispered, my eyes welling up with tears. "Tell me I'm doing the right thing."

After a moment, he said, "You are."

I closed my eyes. I'd almost wanted him to say the opposite. Every nerve in my body was screaming to take him, to fuck him and make him mine, but—not like this. I wasn't going to be some drunken mistake of his. I refused to wake up with a broken heart.

"Let's sleep," I said.

"Come h-here," he slurred. "You're trembling."

I fell into his arms, burying my face into his shoulder, and took in the scent of his aftershave, breathing him in, breathing him out. I hoped and wished and prayed that I was doing the right thing. He wasn't sober enough to give consent, and maybe I wasn't either, and maybe this was all for the best—but it still hurt like hell.

I said nothing as we got under the covers. Said nothing as we got into each other's arms. Said nothing as he closed his eyes. Said nothing as he fell asleep in the darkness. Said nothing, nothing at all.

For the first time, I'd retreated.

I'd surrendered.

—

I woke in the early hours of dawn.

Ben had his arms around me, his breath on my ear, chest rising and falling slowly as he slept. We were both under the covers, still fully clothed, and all the could-have-beens flashed through my mind. We could have done so much last night, but I'd stopped us. I'd reminded him that lust wasn't a good enough reason to sleep with someone.

And the bastard had agreed with me.

I gently untangled myself from his arms and sat up. Maybe I should go.

"Don't," Ben said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Don't what?"

"Leave," he replied. "Not without..." He yawned.

"Not without what, Ben?"

He opened his eyes and gave me a warm smile. "Breakfast."

"I'm not really hungry."

He scooted closer and put his head in my lap, looking up at me with those brilliant green eyes. They sparkled even in the darkness. I brushed his hair back from his forehead, my fingers lingering on his skin.

"About last night," Ben began, but I silenced him with a hand over his mouth.

"We don't have to talk about it."

He pushed my hand away. "I keep letting you down, Kindra. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing to me, please."

He sighed and checked his watch. "What time's your flight?"

"Eleven."

"Can I suggest something crazy?"

"Sure."

"Will you let me drive you back to California?"

"You want to drive me to East Hollywood?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I like being around you. If it's stupid, you can say no. I'd understand."

"It's not stupid," I said. "You really wanna be stuck in a car with me for the next four hours? Won't that drive you crazy?"

Ben smiled. "No retreat. No surrender."

My heart clenched in pain, but I managed to put a smile on my face, if only for his sake.

Ben took my hand and kissed my wrist. My cheeks bloomed with heat. Moments like these where we unzipped ourselves from our skins, making us both vulnerable and naked, were more intimate than sex itself. It was like a trust fall, one where I'd looked into his mesmerizing green eyes and just given in, falling backward and hoping he'd catch me.

"Come lie back down," he murmured. "I want to hold you for a little longer."

Yes, he'd caught me.

—

The ocean was before me, waves rushing and licking at my feet. I took a step into the wet sand, wiggling my toes, and tried to smile as I took in the fresh scent of ocean air, sprayed with all that water and salt. In the distance, the sun shone down on the sailboats and passing ships. People with money, people who had less worries in the world than I did, breezed through life while I stood here by the ocean, tears in my eyes, carrying a great and terrible ache in my heart that could not be lessened or eased with any amount of money.

I turned around to leave and almost bumped into a little kid, probably no older than four or five. She looked up at me, golden-haired with a gap-toothed smile.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't see you."

"My fault," she said.

"Alana!" a voice called. We both turned. A young woman was walking toward us. She'd changed; her hair was shorter now, and her hips were wider. She no longer had those fresh baby cheeks, but it was her: Holly Davis.

"Holly," I said, my mouth falling open.

"Do I know you?" she asked, holding out her hand. The kid went over and took it.

"Yes," I said breathlessly. "It's—I'm Kindra. You used to babysit me when I was lit—"

"Kindra Fallon?" she said sharply.

I nodded. Tears were in my eyes. I looked around the beach, searching and searching.

"He's not with me," Holly said.

"Is he—"

"No," she said. "He's not in my life anymore. Hasn't been in almost ten years."

"Did he come down here? To Hollywood?" I asked.

"Originally, yes."

"Do you know where he is now?"

"Look, I haven't seen him in a decade, okay? I really don't know anything about what he's been up to. Anyways, it was nice to see you. We, uh, have to go." She tugged the little girl away. I stood there, crestfallen, as I watched Holly walk away.

I waded into the water to hide my tears. I'd been looking for Daddy for weeks, but he was like a ghost; he'd just... disappeared. Maybe it was time I applied for that job at Knockers. The owner was creepy, but I was pretty tired of sleeping in overcrowded shelters.

—

"Kindra?"

"Hm?"

"What are you thinking about?"

The windows had been rolled down with the desert wind whipping my hair as I turned away from the window and looked at Ben. I managed a small, pathetic smile.

"I was homeless when I first got to East Hollywood. I was just thinking about that."

Ben glanced at me. "Homeless? Like sleeping on the street?"

"Shelters. There was a time or two where they hit max capacity and I had to sleep on a park bench."

He reached over and took my hand. "How'd you get back on your feet?"

"I got this job at a restaurant called Knockers. It's in WeHo."

"Oh, yeah. I've heard of it. It's like Hooters except the food's actually good, right?"

"Yeah, we've got a good chef. George. The owner's a dick though. He's trying very hard to get in my pants."

"Why do you still work there?"

"Because I need the money. I don't know if I do now, but I feel more comfortable having a stable job."

Ben opened his mouth and then closed it. Whatever he was about to say, he'd changed his mind.

"What?" I asked. "Just say it."

"I was going to say that you should come work for me, but then I remembered that you live out in East Hollywood."

"I heard you liked working alone," I said, surprised.

"I mostly do, but I still need an office admin to take care of the day-to-day stuff now that I'm swamped with patches and press."

"It's nice of you to think of me," I said. "But I can't leave East Hollywood."

"I understand," Ben said, giving my hand a squeeze.

"So," I said, trying to change the subject. "Do you know what Kit Viper's deal is? She was really nice when I first met her, but toward the end she started glaring at me and shit."

"You don't know?" Ben glanced at me, looking a little surprised.

"Obviously not."

"Her fiancé was David Walker, the guy from—"

"The David Walker from Big Goliath Games?" I asked, shocked. Big Goliath Games had created a Skyrim-like game called Questdom, a popular open world action role-playing video game made by a team of college drop-outs. The biggest name on the team? David Walker. He was the genius behind the game.

"Yes."

"But he's dead," I said. "He died last year in a freak accident or something."

"Yeah, skydiving."

"So... Kit's fiancé is actually dead? Oh my god." My chest ached. I felt for her. She wasn't fucking around on her fiancé. She was... grieving.

"I don't think she means to glare at people," Ben said. "I think seeing other couples makes her upset, you know? She's hurting."

I looked down at my lap. I felt terrible.

"I'm gonna try to be her friend," I said. "We follow each other on Gaminar and Twitter."

"I think she'd like that."

When we got to Barstow, we made a pit stop to stretch our legs, use the restrooms, and have some late lunch. We ate burgers and fries, going full American with some chocolate milkshakes because why the fuck not? After lunch, we walked around and looked at the little gift shops. The Vegas souvenirs had even made it this far out away from the city. I bought a cute little snow globe for Sherry to thank her for taking my shift.

When we got back to the car, it was hot. Ben drove a simple but practical Honda Civic, and he blasted the AC to cool us down. As we sat there and chatted about music we liked, I felt a tumbling feeling in my stomach every time he smiled. It was almost pathetic how big of a crush I had on him.

"Ready to get back on the road?" Ben asked, starting up the car.

"As long as we listen to Coheed and Cambria."

He grinned. "I like the way your mind works."

Ben played "Welcome Home" as he pulled back onto the road, laughing at my headbanging.

One last kiss for you, one more wish to you

Please make up your mind girl

I'd do anything for you

—

"Want to come up?" I said, gesturing to my building. "I can make you some coffee for the road."

Ben smiled. "Sure."

He took my suitcase up the stairs, and I unlocked the door, suddenly a little embarrassed about the state of my apartment. Drink bottles and cans everywhere, takeout food boxes littering the coffee table, too many pillows and throws on the couch. The only place that didn't embarrass me was my bedroom, but I wasn't going to be inviting him in there. Not unless I wanted to look like a stupid, hopeless little thirsty ho—which I most definitely was when it came to him, but he didn't need to know that, right?

"Excuse the mess," I said, my cheeks flaming. "I kind of left in a hurry."

He shrugged. "Looks like a comfortable space to me."

"Thanks," I said, walking into the kitchen. I got the coffeemaker going. It was eight at night, and he'd still have another forty minute's drive back to Irvine if he was lucky. You never could tell with LA traffic. It wasn't a long drive, but it was long enough when he'd already been driving almost five hours just to get from Vegas to East Hollywood. He'd driven an hour out of his way to drop me home.

I got a cute thermos with cacti decals on it from a cabinet and began to rinse it out at the sink when I felt a body come stand behind me. My skin burned as strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I placed the thermos on the counter and shut off the water before turning around. I craned my neck to look up into his face, and found that his eyes were playful and bright.

"What do you want from me?" I asked. His arms tightened around me, making my breath hitch.

"Whatever you're willing to give me," he said softly.

I searched his eyes for answers. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"What do you think I'm saying?"

I blushed. "That we can—you know."

"We can 'you know' if you'd like. I'm sober. You're sober."

"What about Jake?" I whispered. "What about your job?"

"For tonight, both can wait," he said, taking my face in his hands. "Tonight, there's only you."

Then he kissed me, and the world melted away.

My heartbeat became sluggish, as if slowing down with time. On his mouth I tasted all the secrets he'd been hiding; the secret of just how badly he wanted this, wanted me; the secret of his desire, of how it was blooming inside of him, transferring heat and fire into my bloodstream, becoming a part of me. I swallowed it all, taking and taking from him, pulling out all of his anguish and pain and loneliness until I found him beneath it all—vulnerable but unafraid, courageous and kind, a bright spirit with a heart of gold. He was the kind of guy that was endgame, the kind of guy you settled down and had babies with—the kind of guy you promised forever to and kept that promise like it was the most sacred thing in the world because he was memories that hadn't been made yet; he was potential for happiness; he was everything I'd ever wanted.

And for now, for these few moments, he was mine.

My heartache fell away, destroyed in the fire of his passion for me. We kissed slowly, until slow was no longer a word, until slow became something foreign and forgotten. The seconds sped, and then we were kissing hungrily, tasting each other, tongues sliding, mouths gliding. With the warmth of his body and the gentle movements he made to pick me up, it was easy to forget that I was an abandoned, broken thing. He carried me to the bedroom, and gently placed me on the bed in the lavender room with the neon pink lights and blackout shades. The lights shone on his body, illuminating his handsome face with the harsh neons as he undressed. Shirt over the head, jeans kicked off, Super Mario boxers that made me giggle as they were slipped down, revealing a thick, fat cock that had me panting from the sight alone.

"Nice shorts," he said huskily, his eyes raking over my body. "What's the drop rate?"

I laughed, throwing a pillow at him. He grinned as I unbuttoned my shorts, pulled down the zipper and shimmied out of it. Next, I took off my green Zelda shirt, and lay there, looking up at him with fire in my eyes, daring him to come and be burned. He climbed into bed, reached behind me and unclasped my bra in one swift movement. I put down the straps from my shoulders as he went down to my pussy, gently and slowly pulled my lilac lace panties down. His eyes briefly met mine before he descended on my pussy and stole my very soul from my body. Lips and tongue and fingers, exploring my needy pussy.

"Oh, god," I cried as he licked between my folds, sucking and tasting me. I felt filthy from all the desire that was coursing through me. My toes curled when he slipped a finger inside of me, curving up, gently rubbing—

"Right there."

He chuckled. "Think I just found the 8th castle, Princess Peach."

"Oh my god, you fucking nerd," I said, laughing until he inserted another finger, turning that laughter into a long, drawn-out moan. He was gentle at first, rubbing as he lapped up my juices, but then he became... determined. So rough that it was almost scary. It was an orgasm I was terrified to have because I knew it was going to shatter me. He was so fucking good with his fingers, but that didn't surprise me; he was a gamer and a coder after all. He knew exactly what he was doing when he swirled his tongue around my clit and fucked my pussy with his fingers—and I was coming! Wave after wave crashed through me, and he prolonged each moment with his tongue and his fingers, like I was being sent to the Nether or something because it was out of this fucking world. It was so good that I cried.

"Ben," I whimpered.

"I'm here," he replied, crawling up the bed. He caged my head in with his arms on either side, looking down at me with those blinding, brilliant, beautiful eyes. My breath caught in my throat, and I found that I could hardly breathe. He stole all the air from my lungs when he parted my legs with his knee. The anticipation was building inside of me, and with it came that fear again. I knew this was going to be scary good.

"Oh god, Ben," I gasped as he fisted his cock and guided it inside of me. He was looking down at me with burning eyes, his gaze almost worshipful. I couldn't recognize my own voice as I begged him to fuck me. Fat cock, tight pussy; he didn't hesitate to oblige. Slowly, carefully, he moved inside of me. My tight walls accommodated his thickness, and with every movement, I creamed around his cock. He was gentle with me, his hips moving in an easy rhythm. I could count the beats, could see the orgasm on the horizon, could almost feel it crashing to the surface.

I never wanted it to stop.

He took my legs and put them over his shoulders, changing the angle as he slid deeper inside of me. He said nothing as he quickened the pace, his balls slapping, suddenly pounding into me with such force that I felt tears well up in my eyes. My nails dug into his back as I chased the high, grinding down to meet his thrusts. He held my gaze, his eyes intense, fucking me through the seconds that passed, quicker and faster and deeper and rougher. He thrust inside of me as I lost my breath, my words; all coherence gone. I couldn't stop looking at him, couldn't stop staring at the expressions of passion that crossed his face. My chest ached from the feelings that came overflowing, bursting from me as I held onto him and pulled him down for a kiss.

It was fire.

He fucked me almost ruthlessly after that kiss. We both chased the release, our bodies moving together, the scent of sex thick in the air. He pushed my legs down with his hands, folding me in half, and found that spot.

"I'm gonna come," I whimpered immediately. I was a kite about to be cut loose into the clouds, right up to the thunder and lightning. I was ready to be destroyed in this storm.

"Come for me," he said, and his voice was so dark and deep and delicious that just like that—I came apart. My pussy clenched and unclenched around his thick cock, and he groaned, pounding me through my orgasm, making me sob. I came and came and came, my toes curling as stars exploded in my eyes. Every nerve in my body was exposed and frayed.

"Fuck," Ben rasped. "I'm coming." He pulled out, panting, and let out a desperate, hopeless sound as he came all over my stomach, splattering me with thick, hot cum. We were both trying to catch our breaths, staring at each other. His eyes were wet, just like mine. Was he feeling what I was feeling?

He gathered me into his arms, fell into bed beside me, and pulled me close.

"Ben," I said, placing my hand on his cheek. He looked down at me, the pupils of his eyes blown wide.

"Yeah?"

"I wouldn't abandon you," I said, my eyes brimming with tears. "I know I'm young, and I'm not claiming to be perfect, but I'm—I just... I want you, Ben. All of you. Everything you are, and everything you come with. You're the exact opposite of my dad, you know? You didn't walk out of Jake's life and that—that means something to me. You took on the role of father and mother. You protect him. You love him. You give him everything he needs. But Ben, who looks out for you?"

His gaze softened. "No one."

"Let me be the one," I said as a tear slipped from the corner of my eye. He wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

"Don't cry."

"I'm—I can't help it," I said as more tears fell from my eyes. "I know what it's like when someone walks out of your life and I don't believe in that; I don't believe in abandoning people. Even if we give this a shot and things don't work out, I wouldn't stop being your friend. So please, let me into your life. Don't—Don't let this night be all we have."

He brushed my hair back from my face. "You know, I was thinking the same thing. How do you feel about coming to meet Jake tomorrow?"

I smiled a watery smile. "I'd love that."

—

Five Years Later

—

"This is your friendly neighborhood Bunny, signing off for the night!"

Goodbyes and goodnights came pouring in, along with some donations. One stuck out to me.

[bencodes10 has donated $1]

I laughed, setting up a raid. I was sending my viewers to my best friend before signing off. Kit Viper was getting all of my viewers added to her stream tonight, which would effectively screw up her stats, but something told me she wouldn't mind.