All Comments on 'The Way a Family Would Ch. 05'

great story, i really got into it. please write more. would like to see what goes on with ralph an the twins an mom, anthem.

I liked your devious little story, but felt the dialog was awkward and a bit unrealistic. Could there really be family members having sex that would talk like that? Anything's possible, but such shocking openness about sex between a mother and son need some sort of explanation with this kind of dialogue.

I have to agree with both anonymous comments: Oh, it's not THAT bad but it could be better. You got the sense of a great writer in this genre, but it's the little things that you're missing as those two comments point out.

Picture this. A grizzly bear is quickly coming down on you. It's HUGE. You've got a nice catch of fish that you throw to distract him. Fish are SMALL. Bears and fish go together. Result: Bear is attracted to the fish and not you, so you're safe. Equals: Attention to detail (the smaller things) and you're success with the big thing (the overall story) will automatically be taken care of.

It's the attention to detail and honestly asking yourself "If someone else wrote this, would I really like it?" that you need to work on. Switching from subjective to objective isn't easy but it can be done with practice.

I noticed one fortifying point; you're fairly strong on original story lines. That's a plus!

Thanks for the feedback guys!

It's tough for these stories to be "believable" and that's not really my goal; the goal is to get people off. These are fantasies, after all, and in some ways the more ridiculous the better.

That being said, presentation is something that should and can remain realistic, and I'll take a closer look at dialogue from now on. Please keep the criticisms (both positive and negative!) coming!

You have gotten detailed feedback and I can't really add to it. I haven't read your other series, so I don't know your writing well enough to add much. Dialog is often what makes or breaks a story, or series. You have development going in the right direction. Mario was a surprise to me; I often think developing phases should all have seeds planted in the first chapter. I think Ralph needed a bit more sadistic development and his uncaring attitude in the last chapter was a surprise. Last I knew he was banging the hell out of his wife. His fixation on the step-daughter wasn't having an effect on the marital sex life. OK, I've said a lot when I thought I didn't have much to say. Swilling beer and thinking may have produced less than cohesive thought patterns. Keep at this, I liked this series a lot.

RS

Keep this one going! It is one of the better stories I have read on this site !

Whore. Your story is about a disgusting worthless whore. 1 star and was a total waste of time and effort to read. Please never write again

wait a minute did the comment below just say it was worthless but still gave it a star last I checked 1 was greater than worthless