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All Comments on 'The Way I Survive Ch. 01'

by calebsliverleaf

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  • 2 Comments
chastenchastenover 12 years ago
Maybe an editor

The English is far too awkward to make this enjoyable for me. It might help if used one of Literotica's editors.

bigguy323bigguy323over 12 years ago
You have the bones of a plot but it's all strung out without anything tying it together.

It would be good if you found an editor and pulled the story back and fleshed it out.

There are so many "holes" that it is not worth reading as it is now.

Try again...

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