All Comments on 'The Whisperer Ch. 01'

this should have been in Non-consent.

Your idea of sleep suggestion was good but you make it too easy.

He just whispers something and the woman accepts it right away. It would have been better if she resists but slowly accepts the things he whispers to her.

Maybe you can tell it was the pregnant woman fantasy to become a sex slave so it was easy to do so but make it more difficult with the cousin, aunt and eventually the mother.

What a great beginning can't wait for the next chapter.

wrong section, not much of a story

more than non consent or incest

... and juvenile. Are you sure you're over 18?

story was ok want to see how you can improve by the next chapter

so he is a rapist. nothing good can come from this story now that he has shown what he is at heart.

Even if you put a little bite of incest or alote of it, if the sex start off with the person sleeping and you implant a comand in to her its mind control not incest. the name also sounds like mind control. its a good start but put more depth in how he got the power so that not every one can do it.

I agree with LittlePrick. The idea is pretty good but it happens too fast and that makes it hard to accept and believe. And you need to do that to really get into a story.

It might have been more believable if when he comes upon Amanda sleeping, he monologued a bit. Mostly taking to himself but phrasing it for her. "Why is such a pretty girl so ugly inside? You don't want to be ugly inside. No one likes you because of it. If you just tried to be a little nicer, people would like you. What you did to me was cruel and ugly. It wouldn't have been hard to be nicer would it. Just imagine how you made me feel. What if you felt that way? You would feel terrible until they apologized. It is not hard to apologize is it? Imagine how much better it would feel after an apology? " Or some such. Then he wakes her. Once they get downstairs, she looks at him a couple times before taking him aside and apologizing. May be says she is sorry but guys always stare at her chest and she felt like that was what he was doing and she just blew up.

Seeing that something was up, he becomes obsessed with sleep learning and Hypnosis. He tries a couple more sessions with Amanda, making them incementally more dominating and sexual. Once he 'perfects' his technique, he turns it on his neighbor by mounting a speaker on or near her bedroom window.

More of a seduction than an assault.

But I don't write so take my comments for what they are worth. Very little

I would think that Mind Control would be a better category.

I liked it and it definitely belongs here as its base is incest because it appears the guy is wanting his cousin and that he most likely will get her or another family member and I so hate when writers put stories in different places so you have to go fish for them

like I say - trash

Please write a lot more!!!!!!!

Rushed and not believable in this form now. Work through it a couple more times. The idea is okay, but not the product presented.