All Comments on 'The Wrong Man Ch. 02'

...the hammer fell? I’ve never seen a Glock with a hammer...just saying.

YOU SCARED ME, HAWKEYE007, I, JUST WROTE HOW GREAT IT WAS TO HAVE A WRITER GIVE THE MAN SOME BALLS, AND THEN SAW YOU HAVE A NEXT CHAPTER AND THOUGHT OH CRAP, HERE WE GO AGAIN, WE ARE GOING TO BACK SLIDE. BUT YOU SAVED IT. NOT NEARLY AS GOOD AS THE FIRST BUT AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T WIMP HIM OUT, SURE THAT WHEN HE WAS HITTING THE BOTTLE AND ALL THAT, WE WERE IN FOR IT. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK WILL YOU?

It's a good story, I liked it a lot, now I would like to say one thing about Mullenders comment about the adoption, maybe they hyphenated the child's last name, with both the bio dad and stepdad's last names, in honour of the of the bio dad, it is a possibility is it not? Cheers from down under.

You turned him into a spineless pussy, 1*.

Now that was a great story. The guy held on, got back up and is ready for life. You hit right on the head. Fun read, Thanks

Reading again. You may not know guns, but you wrote a good story.

Change 180 and then 270

Don't work unless in fantasy

This needed a final confrontation with Kelly to tie it all together.

It sounded like she's whoring herself out to rich older men... which makes sense for the kind of gutter trash she is. But is Kelly going to find long-term happiness fucking sugar-daddies she doesn't love?

Meeting up with her a decade later would've been interesting, especially if his predictions came true.

Not a bad story but you need to do a bit of research especially on guns.

"You don't cock a Glock", enough said.

S.

I thoroughly disliked the 2nd part. You glossed over the divorce and work situation since everyone knew his Ex was having an affair. There were no reprisals against the cold hearted hoebag. He met and literally fell into a relationship in one day and began living in her home then marry her within a year!!!!!! It’s like your writing in a formulaic fashion to hit all the LV tropes and story points. You seem to not put much effort into writing this.

Finds a girl on the road and instant family. You could having made this a longer ,better story.

Ok. I can understand stories that push the realm of realism. But throwing in the franchise at the end, made no sense. First of all, these things are not the “ pot of gold” they were in the 1970’s. The Corp is trying to create “ mega operators” that have 20 stores or more. It also takes years to qualify, if you haven’t been in the system. McDonald’s no longer makes millionaires out of ordinary people.

Wife was completely wrong. Divorce was a forgone conclusion. Husband, on the hand, needs extreme psychiatric care. Pretty much everything he did in both chapters, except for letting the guy push him so he could retaliate, was wrong.

A little too convenient with the new family, but I like happy endings, so not complaining too much.

The level of anger that comes through this authors stories is almost worrying. He hasn't published anything for a number of years so perhaps his writing was a way of expelling his own personal ghosts.

Good story, but would have been better to get the final reaction from his ex.

Never point a gun unless you are willing to kill. A gun with no bullet loaded is foolishness.

ZK

Boy, there sure are a lot of commenters disappointed that the ex didn’t end up in a Mexican whorehouse!

Getting revenge on his ex is a good way to wind up biting your cellmate’s pillow.

I can understand the rescued woman quietly slipping into his bed. Robert E. Howard once described it as her giving him a woman’s reward for his heroism. But the romance part moved too quickly in my opinion.

One t

One thing that gets me: for a guy who supposedly respects women, he glosses over the fact he fucked every woman who’d let him for a while. Was he sure he wasn’t cuckolding some other man?

Nice

S oour hero gets a happy ending. He deserved it.

A empty 9mm is a paper weight, could get you killed.

"heard the hammer come down", not with a Glock. Please learn the difference between a striker fired and a hammer fired handgun, if you are going to include them in a story.

sweet... until she....

I would respect any woman's wishes who was still in love with her late husband, but guys do NOT agree to what the man agreed to, when she said the he would have to "share" her love with her late husband...

I have seen this end badly four times, and one that did happily worked itself out

JRandyJ ... Yo Cuz I hear that!!! Never bring a gun as a threat piece ..... DUMB.

If you are not prepared to use it, stick with your fists and a hockey stick

3 stars and

yes, I agree with another commenter, do not bring a gun to a fist fight, if you are not going to use it.

Although, you could have used it as a club to incapacitate the criminal, especially a rapist.

Dialogue was unrealistic. The story was overly simplistic. It read like someone who had no experience would write.

WOW! what a story, and believable too : )

It seems as if the author was influenced by the comments on part I and, as a result, wrote the MC in the beginning as the typical alky, LW SNAG. It was NOT necessary to motivate his leaving the state, and the story would have been better if he had kept the character consistent. Still, he, on the whole, dealt with "Jack" appropriately, except for the senseless "no magazine" nonsense.

The thyme of the ending was okay but

didn't think Husbands character was consistent

Through ch 1 and ch 2

Story a little ruff around the edges -

Could of been better written

After such deep loss, finally a win. You write well, creative and with good grammar and spelling. You held my attention and I wish the story was longer just so there were more to enjoy. well done.

I liked the story. I wish you had developed some areas a bit more, the law suit for instance. It just didn't flow very well, but jumped about like it was rushed. Other parts like his talk with the bartender--were thoughtful and well developed.

Just for future reference, you said you took the 9mm Glock from the night stand, good so far, but then you put it behind his ear and cocked it, not so good. A Glock is a semi-automatic with an internal hammer, thus their is no way to "cock" it, except to take hold of the barrel and pull it backwards until it sets the internal hammer to fire the gun. Most semi's with no external hammer have a safety lever, that is on the side, for safe or fire, so even if you said he did this it wouldnt have much impact as it's not as distinguishing sound as the cocking noise of a hammer. So next time say he had a Colt 1911 or a Beretta 92, both fire dbl or sgl action so you can cock it.

A reasonable storey but far too rushed.

Ch01 left me feeling sick. Ch02 was like the sun coming out after a terrible devastating storm. 5+ A true Romance

Super story. Though, I would have loved some conclusion on what the ex-wife is doing.

Five stars for a dynamite tale. LP

My kind of story. i guess hum blowing Jack's head off might have been too much.....Oh well

My first read of one of your stories and I like its intensity. Also it would have been nice to punish the slut some more or at least have her see him happy.

What a mess.

Wow!! Great story!! loved it.

Liked the ending and since you didn't give a report on Kelly's like after divorce, I choose to believe she is in a whore house in Mexico...

Read again. Reads like he turned pussy at first. Then it gets great. Then you have him “cock” a Glock🙄. At least you didn’t have him take off the safety. Then it became another happy ending.

Fred? The bartender??

What happened to Kelly? He was far to kind against her.

jopstorm1945

Not bad but a bit too matter of fact... I got confused as to what happen to Kelly and who is Fred?

what happened to kelly ? fred the bartender good dude street smarts awsome dawn you can just feel the country in this girl .. give me a good country gal all day long city gals no good

The first part was two stars. This one is four.

JPB

He was still standing there holding a gun after the police had been there ? ? ? Really?

How come the police didn't disarm him or even shoot him?

such a boring cliche, the guy divorces the skank, and immediately meets a perfect woman and gets married again. There are 10,000 of these stories, and they all follow pretty much the exact same, boring, predictable formula.

Well written but somewhat predictable story…betrayed husband finds a hot new woman on his motorcycle…of course…happens all the time…here on Lit anyway 😂

this might be a story that alot of authors have done one way or another but if you write it well its still intersting good job

I am not surprised that there are some girly men who thought your MC was too harsh. Their tampons must be chaffing them again.

As for me, it is literally impossible to be too harsh in treating a cheating slut. Had it been my character, I would have tracked my ex until she got her life settled and then I would lower the hammer on her again by telling all her new friends, employers, neighbors what she had done. Then I would have done that every few years until one of us was relocated in the cemetery.

I know this is a very old story, but for any aspiring writer, please learn the difference between a clip and a magazine, and understand that almost every semi automatic weapon uses a magazine. Thanks.

/

ZK