All Comments on 'The Wrong Man Ch. 02'

I know this is a very old story, but for any aspiring writer, please learn the difference between a clip and a magazine, and understand that almost every semi automatic weapon uses a magazine. Thanks.

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ZK

I am not surprised that there are some girly men who thought your MC was too harsh. Their tampons must be chaffing them again.

As for me, it is literally impossible to be too harsh in treating a cheating slut. Had it been my character, I would have tracked my ex until she got her life settled and then I would lower the hammer on her again by telling all her new friends, employers, neighbors what she had done. Then I would have done that every few years until one of us was relocated in the cemetery.

this might be a story that alot of authors have done one way or another but if you write it well its still intersting good job

Well written but somewhat predictable story…betrayed husband finds a hot new woman on his motorcycle…of course…happens all the time…here on Lit anyway 😂

such a boring cliche, the guy divorces the skank, and immediately meets a perfect woman and gets married again. There are 10,000 of these stories, and they all follow pretty much the exact same, boring, predictable formula.

He was still standing there holding a gun after the police had been there ? ? ? Really?

How come the police didn't disarm him or even shoot him?

The first part was two stars. This one is four.

JPB

what happened to kelly ? fred the bartender good dude street smarts awsome dawn you can just feel the country in this girl .. give me a good country gal all day long city gals no good

Not bad but a bit too matter of fact... I got confused as to what happen to Kelly and who is Fred?

What happened to Kelly? He was far to kind against her.

jopstorm1945

Fred? The bartender??

Read again. Reads like he turned pussy at first. Then it gets great. Then you have him “cock” a Glock🙄. At least you didn’t have him take off the safety. Then it became another happy ending.

Liked the ending and since you didn't give a report on Kelly's like after divorce, I choose to believe she is in a whore house in Mexico...

Wow!! Great story!! loved it.

What a mess.

My kind of story. i guess hum blowing Jack's head off might have been too much.....Oh well

My first read of one of your stories and I like its intensity. Also it would have been nice to punish the slut some more or at least have her see him happy.

Five stars for a dynamite tale. LP

Super story. Though, I would have loved some conclusion on what the ex-wife is doing.

Ch01 left me feeling sick. Ch02 was like the sun coming out after a terrible devastating storm. 5+ A true Romance

A reasonable storey but far too rushed.

Just for future reference, you said you took the 9mm Glock from the night stand, good so far, but then you put it behind his ear and cocked it, not so good. A Glock is a semi-automatic with an internal hammer, thus their is no way to "cock" it, except to take hold of the barrel and pull it backwards until it sets the internal hammer to fire the gun. Most semi's with no external hammer have a safety lever, that is on the side, for safe or fire, so even if you said he did this it wouldnt have much impact as it's not as distinguishing sound as the cocking noise of a hammer. So next time say he had a Colt 1911 or a Beretta 92, both fire dbl or sgl action so you can cock it.

I liked the story. I wish you had developed some areas a bit more, the law suit for instance. It just didn't flow very well, but jumped about like it was rushed. Other parts like his talk with the bartender--were thoughtful and well developed.

After such deep loss, finally a win. You write well, creative and with good grammar and spelling. You held my attention and I wish the story was longer just so there were more to enjoy. well done.

The thyme of the ending was okay but

didn't think Husbands character was consistent

Through ch 1 and ch 2

Story a little ruff around the edges -

Could of been better written

It seems as if the author was influenced by the comments on part I and, as a result, wrote the MC in the beginning as the typical alky, LW SNAG. It was NOT necessary to motivate his leaving the state, and the story would have been better if he had kept the character consistent. Still, he, on the whole, dealt with "Jack" appropriately, except for the senseless "no magazine" nonsense.

WOW! what a story, and believable too : )

Dialogue was unrealistic. The story was overly simplistic. It read like someone who had no experience would write.

3 stars and

yes, I agree with another commenter, do not bring a gun to a fist fight, if you are not going to use it.

Although, you could have used it as a club to incapacitate the criminal, especially a rapist.

JRandyJ ... Yo Cuz I hear that!!! Never bring a gun as a threat piece ..... DUMB.

If you are not prepared to use it, stick with your fists and a hockey stick

sweet... until she....

I would respect any woman's wishes who was still in love with her late husband, but guys do NOT agree to what the man agreed to, when she said the he would have to "share" her love with her late husband...

I have seen this end badly four times, and one that did happily worked itself out

"heard the hammer come down", not with a Glock. Please learn the difference between a striker fired and a hammer fired handgun, if you are going to include them in a story.

A empty 9mm is a paper weight, could get you killed.

Nice

S oour hero gets a happy ending. He deserved it.

One thing that gets me: for a guy who supposedly respects women, he glosses over the fact he fucked every woman who’d let him for a while. Was he sure he wasn’t cuckolding some other man?

Boy, there sure are a lot of commenters disappointed that the ex didn’t end up in a Mexican whorehouse!

Getting revenge on his ex is a good way to wind up biting your cellmate’s pillow.

I can understand the rescued woman quietly slipping into his bed. Robert E. Howard once described it as her giving him a woman’s reward for his heroism. But the romance part moved too quickly in my opinion.

One t

Never point a gun unless you are willing to kill. A gun with no bullet loaded is foolishness.

ZK

Good story, but would have been better to get the final reaction from his ex.

The level of anger that comes through this authors stories is almost worrying. He hasn't published anything for a number of years so perhaps his writing was a way of expelling his own personal ghosts.

A little too convenient with the new family, but I like happy endings, so not complaining too much.

Wife was completely wrong. Divorce was a forgone conclusion. Husband, on the hand, needs extreme psychiatric care. Pretty much everything he did in both chapters, except for letting the guy push him so he could retaliate, was wrong.

Ok. I can understand stories that push the realm of realism. But throwing in the franchise at the end, made no sense. First of all, these things are not the “ pot of gold” they were in the 1970’s. The Corp is trying to create “ mega operators” that have 20 stores or more. It also takes years to qualify, if you haven’t been in the system. McDonald’s no longer makes millionaires out of ordinary people.

Finds a girl on the road and instant family. You could having made this a longer ,better story.

I thoroughly disliked the 2nd part. You glossed over the divorce and work situation since everyone knew his Ex was having an affair. There were no reprisals against the cold hearted hoebag. He met and literally fell into a relationship in one day and began living in her home then marry her within a year!!!!!! It’s like your writing in a formulaic fashion to hit all the LV tropes and story points. You seem to not put much effort into writing this.

Not a bad story but you need to do a bit of research especially on guns.

"You don't cock a Glock", enough said.

S.

This needed a final confrontation with Kelly to tie it all together.

It sounded like she's whoring herself out to rich older men... which makes sense for the kind of gutter trash she is. But is Kelly going to find long-term happiness fucking sugar-daddies she doesn't love?

Meeting up with her a decade later would've been interesting, especially if his predictions came true.

Change 180 and then 270

Don't work unless in fantasy

Reading again. You may not know guns, but you wrote a good story.

Now that was a great story. The guy held on, got back up and is ready for life. You hit right on the head. Fun read, Thanks

You turned him into a spineless pussy, 1*.

It's a good story, I liked it a lot, now I would like to say one thing about Mullenders comment about the adoption, maybe they hyphenated the child's last name, with both the bio dad and stepdad's last names, in honour of the of the bio dad, it is a possibility is it not? Cheers from down under.

YOU SCARED ME, HAWKEYE007, I, JUST WROTE HOW GREAT IT WAS TO HAVE A WRITER GIVE THE MAN SOME BALLS, AND THEN SAW YOU HAVE A NEXT CHAPTER AND THOUGHT OH CRAP, HERE WE GO AGAIN, WE ARE GOING TO BACK SLIDE. BUT YOU SAVED IT. NOT NEARLY AS GOOD AS THE FIRST BUT AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T WIMP HIM OUT, SURE THAT WHEN HE WAS HITTING THE BOTTLE AND ALL THAT, WE WERE IN FOR IT. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK WILL YOU?

...the hammer fell? I’ve never seen a Glock with a hammer...just saying.

i dont get why you read all the time when a man gets in the familie they say they adopted her children but to me that only seems like a big god damn insult to her ex husband that died and with adoption that comes usaly with name changes and that is like pissing on her dead husband grave

It's always good to be reminded that there are good women out there. And good men can still find them. Nice ending well told.

is the perfect example of the week cunt male that shows up on occasion here. In his comment on part 1 he derides the Puritans, although no one here, and certainly not he, knows anything about them. It's just a throw away line to virtue signal that he's a sensitive, New Age male who has "nuanced" views about marriage and adultery. Mikey boy...perhaps I should fuck your wife in front of you just to see how you respond. Unfortunately, odds are you are no physical match for me, but I'd love to watch your face as I let her have it.

..... sweet little story. There’m room in LW for a wee love story. I enjoyed this.

From the bartender he finds out she's not "crushed" while he's still hurting, and probably still with Steve. You said he could neither forgive nor forget.

Now, if she's not with Steve but some other abusive controlling asshole being beaten and/or whored out, then great. Let her suffer with that. But if living "well" with Steve in a nice house? Fuckin'A.

And if Steve is still employed at their former company making VP wages, that $100,000 Jake got in settlement means a drop in the bucket. Some serious ass whipping needs done. Now, if Steve is a busboy at a downtown Chinese restaurant and living in a roach infested hovel, then justice is served.

You didn't follow through with a good very promising start. 2-stars

Great follow-up to 1st part. Love finding these older stories to enjoy today. I wish some of these authors would come back to write again.

to a great story

good job

good things happen to good people

I enjoyed the story.....a good read, owning a McDonald's doesn't just take money. You have to work your way up and be a manager at McDonaldS before you can own one. It's not that easy and it takes time. Anyway, the story had a good foundation and i'm not even getting started about the glock handgun. Add a couple more chapterS and the story will be complete. Thanks......sam

You need to learn a little bit about handguns. Glocks have no hammer to cock .you would have to rack the slide . to pull trigger and release the striker . and it has magazine i know im being petty

Find happiness and live well. The cheaters will get what they deserve. Karma is a bitch.

Wife and lover for all the big talk get away with not much happening...fact wife is doing quite well

Thanks for sharing.

If I can be so bold, IMHO, I thought the story was a bit rushed - don't be afraid to write longer stories, take more time developing relationships, more dialog; we'll keep reading. Dawn seemed to fall for Jake awfully quick, especially since she made a point of talking about her love for her first husband Brian. Then, when she finally starts dating again, she gets tied up with butthead Jack. So I think, with her "mothering" instincts at high alert, I think she would have moved a lot slower and been a little more mistrusting with another man - even one that had shown to be capable, friendly, and of great help.

Still, you're a good writer with good instincts for what makes an interesting story. 5 stars. Thanks!

There is no hammer on a Glock and it does not have a clip.

It is striker fired and uses magazine.

Hell its just a story its out of the writers imagination. He made this story from his own mind and in his own world he had McDonald's have a fire sale and sold him the franchise for a dollar! Does that make you feel better. Keep writing don't worry about the dumb stuff Woo Ha!

Keep writing you'll do fine.

Well, finished reading this series for the second time now , and though I like the overall theme , it kinda comes across as rushed .

Jake's character , comes off as a kind hearted guy , who was simply blinded by love in his marriage. Thank god the author didn't go for reconciliation for them , because that would have been blatantly foolish. That dog was tire tracks dead !

The self doubts and self pity he felt were , in my opinion, very truthful as anyone who has ever been there knows. I only wish the author had fleshed this part of the story out better . There is a fine line here , between how you painted it ( minimalist) , as opposed to lets say TheUnoriginalist Boilerplate series , which went way to far into the weeds and became just rambling depressing angst .

In my opinion , the greats fall in between these two points , between ho hum and oh god no more please.

I also need to agree with Buzzcar on his comment , I understand that a lot of authors are not gun savvy , just as I am not on a whole litany of subjects , but a simple Wikipedia search will do wonders. ( Glocks do not have hammers , they are what's called a striker fired weapon , their is a big difference )

was gonna do 3*'s , but I'll round up to 4

Sorry, he wouldn't qualify for a McDonalds franchise. Not enough cash or the right experience.

..and I don't mean hers. If you're going too write about firearms either educate yourself or get an adviser. You got more wrong than you did right. So the same day she, her child, and mother were terrorized by her ex she goes out dancing with some random biker she met a few hours ago? Then pretty much goes straight to fucking. Come on man build a little timeline into this fairy tale. It's OK to develop characters and for them to develop a relationship. The outline of the story is good.

the wrong way Corrigan is out the window. TK U MLJ LV NV

As always wonderful things happen in fiction. Great tale.

Five Stars

Good writing. Reading -- just okay. As two old crows commented, realistically, the sex started too soon after Jake met Dawn. It could have been stretched out in a single small paragraph. Other than that? Cheers!

although there may have been a few things that were a little off, it was still a very good story. and I'm glad he wasn't one of those wimp pussy husbands who claim to get turned on by his wife screwing another guy. good job with this story.

They went from strangers to lovers way too fast for a woman that was beaten and left on the side of the road.

Pulling the "clip" (magazine) does not clear the chamber and the Glock does not have a magazine disconnector, and clearing the chamber is very hard to do quietly.

(What kind of idiot would go to use a gun with an empty chamber to save lives?)

Crap, crap crap.

Fortunately for LW all the stories take place in those states ;).

and they go both ways for the vagabonds, TK U MLJ LV NV

The Glock is DAO. What is the use of having a fire arm without a full magazine and one in the chamber?

GREAT STORY

That was this story exploding into a millions little pieces of garbage.

who lives hundreds (or more) miles away? If so, it's a bit strange for him to be godfather. Additionally, Jake should not have asked for and Dawn should not have consented to the adoption.

Firstly, What was that bullshit at the start about readers saying he was harsh and cruel? What the fuck did he do? Beat up the whores lover? What a bastard! Divorce a lying manipulative cunt? Oh the humanity! Get a fucking life faggots!

Also, it`s a bit unbelievable that a woman who has just been beaten and dumped on the side of the road, whose ex is currently in her house threatening to kill her child and mom, would invite A COMPLETE STRANGER into her home, allow him to hang out with her 8 year old kid, go on a date and dancing, then have sex with him, ALL in the space of, what, 3 or4 hours tops? Not unless she was on drugs, or mildly retarded.

This story seemed VERY rushed and it felt like the author was trying to please the complaining, cum- guzzling, wimpy, wants-it-up-the-ass brigade!

Ignore those losers, Hawkeye, and stick to building pyres, and promptly tossing bitches upon them!

Where is Jake, why this Jake is a wimp? Sorry but the first chapter is realy much better.

Kelly, what happened to the bitch???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Little fast on the falling in love bit Stud. Maybe wait 48 hrs or a week next time. Still, it was interesting, different, and entertaining. 5*

I gave the story a well earned 5 but I would like to ask one thing. I haven't read all of the comments so this may have already been addressed. Please, please, please if you are going to use a firearm in your story, do some research. And I'm asking this of all authors reading this. Now, first the Glock cannot be cocked except by pulling the slide back and releasing it. Next, the Glock does not have an external hammer for him to hear fall. Instead it has an internal striker. And finally, he wouldn't have had the firearm in his hand while the police were there. If they didn't take it for evidence, the police would still have removed the Glock from his hand, unloaded and safed the weapon. Then given it back to him unloaded when they left with the magazine (not clip) out of the pistol. Loaded firearms in the hands of civilians in a situation as described in the story make the police very, very nervous! For any authors who need to research firearm usage by a character, I will be more than willing to help make it more authentic.

What happened to Kelly and where do they live? The story was wordy at times and meandered but was very good.

You did a much better job of humanizing Jake in this chapter.

But I told you after the first chapter that the ex-wife wasn't going to suffer for long. She pulled herself up, forgot about Jake and moved on with her life. I'm not much for taking back a cheater, but I'm even less for people who simply walk away. Unless you talk to someone, you NEVER know what happened. It's the cowards way out. He took it.

I love happy endings (not the kind where the cuckolded husband take them right back, maybe in a few years is OK). Although a McDonald's Franchise is not ideal to me but it is a money maker. Thank you for writing.

A happy ending for him and a big contrast from part one. Thanks.

I really liked both chapters and love a happy ending.

The great thing about fiction is it can be whatever you want it to be. Even if it sounds incredulous, a little bit of you wants to believe it could happen for real.

Keep writing, the plot is interesting and the grammar is good.

Ive put you in my fav writers.

nibbling a stiff member, he lubed his worn cornhole, betrayed!

can't you add?????

kind of good but you need to interlace your 2 stories better.....bill

For God's sake....lol

You could have added a few more paragraphs and described Dwan clinging to him that night and his expressing his love for her, Rachel and June.

A paragraph on hearing how his ex couldn't get a date with a good man because she had a reputation as a slut. Maybe all she could get was dates with older father figure men who were willing to spend money on her, take her and be overly patient with her in hopes they might eventually get a little.

So, Yes - I liked this story, nicely done...Thanks!

Chapter one of this story paralleled my own life a bit too closely. I felt the character's rage and humiliation as if it were my own. I longed for his vengeance, to make the slut suffer.

Chapter two was so unexpected. So affirming. Especially the part where he is able to forgive his ex.

The best writer's use and/or provoke real emotion in their readers. I can only hope that one day one of my stories will touch someone like this did me.

Thank you.

The premise of the first one was that the ex wife would wither and wilt away without her husband. His revenge was her forever saying 'if only'

That is crap.

Women aren't like that. She would do exactly what she did in this second one: move one with her life, rationalizing her choices.

So I didn't like that nothing much happened to her. But it's realistic and plausible.

That was my biggest problem with the stories.