This Is What You Get Ch. 01

This story has a long build up so if that's not what you like thanks for looking it up but I'd suggest to try something else.

What I'm about to tell you I don't even know if it happened for sure. My name is Swaroop. I was told my mom wanted to name me that, unfortunately I don't remember her. She died when I was just over one year old. My dad had little to do with raising me. Not cause he didn't want to, but cause he didn't know how to. But he made sure he had all the help he needed from his four sister in laws/ my aunts. They had little say in it as my dad was the eldest of the five brothers. So this meant that there was always enough female presence in our house. We were not exactly a joint family my aunts would come and go as needed, but then there was my sister Prerna. She is three years older to me. She remembers mom, in fact she was the one who insisted I was named Swaroop as that is what my mom used to call me when I was in the womb.

I and my sister are poles-apart. She is happy being the pretty, popular girl in town with her army of friends and hordes of admirers. I'm the silent loner who has no friends and most kids my age are afraid to talk to me because I'm much bigger than them and always carry this fucked-up look on my face. Basically my sister and my aunts are the only people that I interact with properly, and don't care what anyone else thinks of me. When in college my sister used to drag me to class every day. Maybe she felt safe with me fending off boys who kept drooling on her, so I was an escort/bodyguard to her and her friends. But I knew I had nowhere else to go and not really much to do. Turning 21 was rough on me; after I graduated B.Com and didn't know what to do with my time. Then suddenly one day the entire extended family i.e. my uncles, all my aunts and most of my cousins descended on our house. Later that day I came to know that we were going on pilgrimage.

As our tour started I realized how little I knew my cousins and that I liked them even less. I guess Prerna was feeling the same way, as the tour went on she kept her distance from the cousins and aunts and often paired with me everywhere we went. On the last leg of the tour another family joined us -they were apparently distant relatives whom my uncle had invited- as we headed to a temple they visited often. This family has just three members dad, mom and son. The guy was older than me but my large physic made look younger. But that was also the case with my sister and so I never really gave it a second thought. Anyways as our tour ended we spent an evening at the family's place and the guy invited me to his room. There we talked for a while and then came out on to a ledge from where we directly saw where my sister and cousins were sitting with my youngest aunt.

Suddenly the guy made a comment on my sister and said how beautiful she was. I didn't see the point in replying so just kept quite. He felt the need to explain, "Now I can see why she has that image." Now I was little bit angry and stared at him, he chuckled nervously and explained that his friends at our college had said something about her. I felt the need to defend her name and so retaliated, "Well you shouldn't believe everything you hear. In fact she is the greatest. My mother died when I was very young and she has been the mother for me in more ways than one. I guess that doesn't show on her pretty face or your friends don't seem to notice it, do they?" he tried to claim me, "I never said they were right. But you made a piont, 'Never judge a book by its cover' right?" I just shrugged his comment and went to join my family who were ready to leave.

Back home I didn't give much thought to what had happened over the past three weeks, neither good nor bad. I just kept accompanying my sister on her trips to the town and cinemas as she was going out almost every other day with her friend Ramya. One day when we returned from the market Ramya pulled my sister into her room and I went to see if my dad was in the backyard. Suddenly my sister called me to her upstairs room. When I entered Ramya was holding my sister's had and looking straight down while my sister kept looking at her and me before she said, "Okay, I have given you many chances to talk to him but... nothing." She looked at me once more before she turned back to her and continued, "This is your last chance. Tell him." I was quite confused as my sister emphasized, "Everything!". Ramya slowly lifted her gaze to meet mine and started "I told your sist..." her voice broken so she stopped and then started again. "Do you like me?" I didn't quite understand the gravity of that question. "Yeah sure, I guess I like you." I said glancing over once to look at Prerna.

They looked at each other and turned back towards me. Ramya continued "Why is that you like me?" at that time I thought that that was a stupid question. "Cause you are my sister's best friend." I said not realizing my answer was that stupid. Ramya sighed heavily and sat on the cot as Prerna joined her. "He doesn't even understand me, how is he going to love me?" Ramya said referring to me. Only know I understood what was going on and as I replayed the entire conversation in my mind I let out a small chuckle. This might have hurt a little, so Ramya left with her eyes almost watering up. Prerna ran after her and caught her at the stairs they spoke in a low voice and Prerna consoled her and brought her back. Ramya now with a slight hush in her voice said "I really like you. I have for quite some time now. I had a very difficult time convincing your sister of my love for you..." she paused, "... all I want to say is that doesn't matter if this is wrong or weird. All I care is if you love me?" she looked up straight into my eyes as she finished and in a moment was again staring at the floor. The way she said whatever she just did made me realize that she might have practiced this speech many times. As I cautiously made my way up to her I took in the visual of her standing there in front of the door, how the silhouette ran across her physic accentuating her full and sexy figure. Just as I came up close to her I glanced at my sister before I spoke softly trying to make sure I was going to say the right thing "All this time when you were looking at me with your heart filled with love..." I paused as she looked back into my eyes. "I had nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for you. Just as I do for my sister." She let out a gasp as though she was choking on the thought of me calling her a sister. "But love knows no bounds, right?" she gently nodded, "I have never had any romantic feelings for you. How could I? If I lusted for my sister's friends it would be the worst betrayal on my part. I can't hurt her. Not even if she insisted!" both of them looked at me a little confused as to where I was headed. "If you want my answer at this very moment then I'm sorry." I waited I while before I continued. "But if you are willing to wait for some time I can think about it and let you know if my mind changes." I felt proud having dodged this bullet. As I made my way out of the room I just knew Ramya would plead to my sister to try and convince me but I had already made up my mind.

That evening I saw Ramya leave and for the first time noticed the way she looked at me and realized that if only I felt otherwise maybe she would be willing to satisfy all my needs. But I guess it just didn't feel right for me. After dinner Prerna called me to her room. There she played her favorite song at that time on the comp and sat on the bed. I just pulled the chair and sat to her left facing the cot.

"Thanks ra." she said.

"For what?" was all I asked.

"For not making a scene with Ramya and being my sweet little tammudu{bro}." I just chuckled.

"Okay ra are you going to accept her love?" I knew we were headed down this path.

"See akka, when you two put me in that situation, I did what I thought was the best way to control it. But I am telling you now what I will tell her later and always, my mind will not change." She gave me a look that was curios to say the least.

"So whatever you said was all just a lie to control the situation?" she exclaimed. That is when I replayed mornings events in my mind and realized the line 'I can never hurt her!' so I tried to save myself.

"Well when I said I can't hurt you I meant it in the sincerest. That is why I'm telling you that no woman other that you has any place in my heart." She regained the lovely proud look.

"You say that know but tomorrow when I go to my husband's place you will not even remember me."

"Well then there is nothing to worry about, just don't get married and stay with me and dad forever." I said with a slight grin.

"Oh! Alaga, and yet because of you I'm getting engaged in two weeks." My heart literally skipped a beat as I looked at her with complete astonishment. She realized the news had left me in shock and tried to explain. "Ounnra, you know that guy's home we went to at the end of our trip last month. Dad is getting me married off to him." I never realized that so much had happened.

"You said... 'Because of me'?"

"Yeah, apparently Babai had proposed months ago, but the groom's family was not responding with a definite answer. That is why he organized the tour. So the boy can see me in person. By the time we got back home their family called and said that you said something about me that made the boy say he wanted to marry only me." she explained everything. "So I guess, nenu neeke thanks cheppali." She got up off the cot wrapped her hand around my neck and gave me a peck on my left cheek. "Thank you so much ra na-bujji." She just went to the computer and turned it off. And asked me. "Ounnra, what exactly did you tell him about me?"

"He was talking bad about your character and I said that form a young age you have been like a mother to me... more than a mother to me." I looked at her as she turned swiftly realizing what I had just said and she came back to me and this time held my cheeks in her hands and kissed me on my forehead. I knew that my sister loved me and that I loved her as much, but with that kiss I felt it down to the faint tingling in my bones. As I slowly opened my eyes I looked at her with her eyes slightly tearing up and thought maybe, just maybe she might not want to leave me. But I guess after all that had happened, we both realized that so much of our lives were hidden from each other and it left us just emotionally exhausted.

For the next couple of days I desperately tried to think of ways to not let this wedding happen. But my mind was not with me. I had gone from finding out that my sister's best friend lusted for me to having realized that most certainly my sister would be getting married and leave our home. But the biggest thing that I realized was the fact that though neither she nor I made daily proclamations of our love for each other it was there... and it was true.

Soon the relatives started pouring in for the engagement ceremony and it did no good for my desperation. But eventually I realized that the only person that could stop this would be my sister. There was this small matter of convincing her to do it and also I had less than 10 days to do it in. It is not easy in a traditional Indian marriage to get the bride alone for a few minutes even if you are her own brother. But eventually I managed to drag her away into our parent's room, as that would be the last place anyone would look for either one of us.

"Hmm, Cheppara!" she said still giggling over the fun she was having with the festivities.

"Are you really going to do this?" I made sure my tone was as serious as can be.

"Do what exactly?"

"Leave me and dad and go away." She sighed as she looked at me the same loving way she had always done.

"Aye, yenti? What's the matter with you? Is this why you have been so dull lately? Common' bro you realize that this will happen..." she paused as she held my hand in hers. "Sooner or later! But then if we can't find a groom that everyone approves of, everyone will blame dad and neither one of us can bring shame to him now, can we?"

"I don't care all I want is for you to be with me forever."

"Okay then, when they ask me if I like the boy I will say that if I agree to marry him, he must come and stay with us. That way I can be with you always." This arrangement didn't make things better for me, in fact even if it did happen –which it mostly wouldn't– she would still be someone wife before being my sister. "But what if tomorrow when you get married your bride says the same? What will you do then?" She was playing a cunning game with me.

"I'm never gonna get married! I will always be your little brother. All I'm asking is if you can always be my big sister."

"Rey, we can still do that when I get married. And then when I have a baby you will be its Mama{uncle}. Then you can get married and have kids then I will their Attha{aunt}. In life you have to experience everything." She began to gently stroke the hair above my ears as she painted the picture of our future but I was still convinced that the present was much better than any future I could foresee.

"No, no other women can be as big a part of my life as you. I love you."

"Oh, common now when I'm gone you and dad will need someone to take care of you both. Lord knows you can't do it yourself."

"Neither can anyone else, only you can do that and that is why I love you."

"But think about what people will say about our family. The names they will call us. The shame that will be brought on us and our mother!"

"I don't care about anyone else, I never have. All I care is about us and the fact that I love you."

"Aiyyo! Yendhukkura illa? Don't you even care about how I feel?" only then did I realized how selfish I had been. I took a moment and gingerly asked her...

"Do you wanna get married and move away?"

"Yes... and no. I mean just because I'm married doesn't mean I won't love you anymore." She was almost crying by now.

"Yes it does, in fact it means that you will love him and I can't stand to share you with anyone." She just looked at me for a few seconds and then hugged me. She was still sobbing as she let loose a little bit she whispered in my ears...

"You know what my decision is. But I'll think about what you said and let you know if I change my mind." She slowly parted and then left the room.

The next few days we only glanced at each other and thought about what was going to happen the next week. Three days before the engagement my uncle asked me to go with him into town to get the finally few things for the ceremony and finalize the caterers, etc. Half heartedly I left knowing that the pain of being away from my sister was only slightly less than the pain of knowing she was leaving me. I returned the day before the engagement and got busy arranging the thinks I had got from town. Late that evening one of my cousins's told me that my sister was looking for me and that when I meet her I should tell her to come down for supper. Almost reluctantly I made my way to the upstairs bedroom were my sister was brushing her hair in front of the dresser. All I could remember was thinking that she looked even prettier than usual with this glow on her face.

"Akka, did you call for me?"

"Hey Ochessava, why didn't you come to see me since the afternoon when you arrived."

"I was... just kinda busy, you know." She put the brush down and tying her hair in a loose bun she came towards me.

"Na Bujjika! Well I just thought I let you know that I thought about our conversation the other day." She paused as I looked at her with anticipation and excitement. She came even closer and continued. "And I think that..." she quite literally walked right into me and as I wasn't expecting it we both fell backwards. She somehow managed to close the door to the room and we fell on it with my back to it and she, full in my arms. She slowly gazed into one of my eyes and then the other and softly lowered her face until our lips met.

I remembered the kiss to my forehead the other day and how awful I seemed in comparison to the one we were having now. It felt painful that was how great it was. Her lips placed diagonally to mine, our eyes closed as if to try and block all other senses and just complete experience the full love that was in our kiss. It felt like an eternity in a passing moment as I now hardened my grip on her she softly moaned bringing her lips ever so slightly apart. Mine too parted in response to her warmth against the full length of my body. Now we could literally taste each other's breaths. Another beautiful moment passed as I felt the most pleasurable pain in me. Finally her hair fell open as she had tied it so loosely. She moaned a little again and this time softly pulled back as she tried to stand straight, I too followed her and came back onto my feet fully. Finally she broke away and we opened our eyes together and saw the reason for the great feeling that we just experienced a second ago.

"Well tomorrow come and meet me in my room at 9 and I'll tell you what I have decided." She said before she hurriedly opened the door and made her way down stairs.

What I felt that night I can't begin to surmise. First I just recounted the beautiful feeling of love I was fully experiencing for my sister. I couldn't believe all that had happened in such a short time as well. Then the thought that maybe she also felt the same love, maybe more. Otherwise why would have kissed me the way she did. All of those feelings and yet as I recount it never did I feel guilt or sinful for the incident or for the selfish way I was feeling possessive over her. I guess my thoughts were just pure love for the one person that mattered most to me in the word. As anyone can guess I barely got any sleep that night. The very thought that Prerna might reject the groom okayed by the family to be with me was too exiting to bear. Also there was just a little bit of anxiety that I would have to protect her from the full blown anger of my dad that added fuel to the fire.

Early next day I was up and helping with the final touches to the preparations, not like they mattered anymore but I couldn't say or do otherwise. I tried to sneak in to see Prerna but the battalion of cousins and aunts didn't make things any easier. Around 9am though I was at the door of her room and after about 5mins I finally made eye contact with her. She looked around and seeing all of them around her she looked back and signaled what I read as 'Come back in 10mins'. So I left circle the entire house making sure no one needed me or was looking for me and then headed back. On the stairs I crossed paths with an aunt who told me that Prerna was getting dressed and I should get tell her to come down straight into the kitchen before the groom's family arrived. I just nodded and head straight for her room. I knocked on a closed door after about a minute she peered through and made sure that it was indeed me before pulling me in and shutting the door.

She was looking amazing with her hair done and the glow and tint of makeup adding to that she was half clad in her in-skirt and tight low-cut blouse. Every moment she made the dozen bangles on each hand made the most amazing sound. She was a bit frantic in her actions as she first bolted the door shut and then returned to the dressing table mirror and adjusting her jewelry and then she turned to me and finally went to the cot and sat at the end of it and hung her head in shame. I felt bad, just seeing her like that made me hate my own existence. I slowly went near her and knelt in front of her and took both her hands in mine resting them on her lap.

"Nakku telidura, I just can't make heads or tails of what is going on." Her tone clarified that she was still struggling with the impending fate. I tried feebly to ease her worries.