All Comments on 'This Lie of Love We Made Ch. 04'

A nice short chapter.

I think the beginning was a bit weaker, as were a few moments during the chapter - between scenes you write in this matter-of-fact, almost documentary style, often including unnecessary detail - what they ate, or that thing about the novel series and licensing issues. Detail is fine when it enhances the story or builds the characters, but these felt like pointless tangents to me, breaking up the flow of the story. I was going to say you don't seem to be able or willing to do time-skips, but you did one (the two days), so that's not it.

But the dialogue really carried the chapter. I especially enjoyed that little tryst with Sarah. Their personalities were clear and consistent, their acting natural and realistic. I'm not usually a fan of style over substance, but here Karen's stutter fit beautifully.

Here's something that doesn't make sense - why doesn't Karen ask other people why they call her sister Chelsea? Note that this isn't necessarily a problem with the story. It seems like you have good reasons why you make Karen act strangely as she does. So if that was your intention, you don't have to answer, I'm just pointing out it's strange. Hopefully this will be explained properly in time.