Three Boyfriends

My face turned ashen with fright. She sensed my horror and said, "You can't be ashamed of this—you can't be ashamed of who you are!"

I gathered myself. We cleared the dishes from the table and she poured us both a glass of wine. My hand was shaking so much I had trouble not spilling. We sat next to each other on the couch.

After a long, long silence I finally asked, "How did you find out?"

I could see she didn't want to tell me. She looked away—took a sip of wine—and I noticed that her hand began a slight trembling.

"Please," I said, "...how did you find out?"

She took a deep breath and said, "Chip Conner told me."

OH MY GOD, I thought. How could he?

"Sweetie..." she began, "...he tried to blackmail me into having sex with him...he, uh...he showed me a pair of my panties that he said you stole...he said you wore them for him...he told me—in graphic detail, what you two did together...he said if I didn't have sex with him he would tell mom and dad..."

I hid my face in my hands. Now my shame was complete!

"Jenny...I'm so-so sorry you had to—"

She cut me off, and said, "No, sweetie—I didn't have sex with him—I blackmailed HIM!...I told him if he didn't leave us alone I'd tell his parents and everyone at school—that he'd probably lose his football scholarship!"

Why hadn't I thought of that? I wondered. But I knew the answer—I had wanted to be with him.

A second glass of wine made me talk freely. I told her how I felt about Chip—she didn't understand how I could like him—but she listened with a sympathetic ear.

I admitted my affair with Tony.

She said, "Yeah, I can understand that—he's a good-looking guy."

I told her how he dumped me for Kylie.

"Yeah, I met him—he's a darling boy—younger than you, too," she said, and broke out in laughter.

I laughed along, "Oh, I know—I'm just a broken-down old hag!"

We talked for hours—it was wonderful. We talked about everything—but I didn't mention anything about the years between Chip and Tony. I told her I stayed to myself. I said I stayed home and worked on my writing—which was partly true. I couldn't tell her what I was really doing—some things in life a person needs to keep to themselves.

It was late and we needed sleep. We kissed good-night and she asked, "You're not going to start borrowing my panties are you?"

I looked at her and said, "I don't think so--mine are much prettier than yours!"

We laughed and went to sleep.

It was during my job interview with the department manager, Elaine, when she saw where I lived, she said, "Oh, you live close to 'Homo Heaven'—you go there much?"

I didn't know what she was talking about but my face turned beet-red.

"I, ah...no, I don't know—"

She interrupted me, laughing she said, "I'm kidding...it's a park near where you live...at night, guys hang out there, if you know what I mean."

A couple weeks after starting the job I was sitting at home one night. It was a Friday night and I was off work for the weekend and I was tired of staying home. I couldn't afford to go anywhere, so I decided to walk to the park.

It was very dark except for a walking path that was lit up. I sat in the shadows for awhile and watched. Every now and then a guy would walk around the path and suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, he was joined by another guy. They spoke for awhile then headed off into the darkness. I watched several couples hook up and then I went home.

The next night I wore a tee shirt and the skimpy navy blue gym shorts I had just bought. When I got to the park my pulse was racing wildly. I took a deep breath and headed to the walking path. The whole thing only took about two minutes.

Before I knew what was happening a guy had come out of the shadows and was walking beside me.

"Hi," he said, "...want some company?"

He was older, maybe in his thirties. He wasn't handsome but he wasn't ugly, either.

"Sure," I said, mustering up all the courage I could.

"Follow me," he said.

I walked behind him into the darkness. He found a secluded place on the grass and we sat down close together. He took my hand and placed it on his crotch—his cock was throbbing inside his pants.

"What do you want to do," he asked.

My heart pounded; I squeezed and stroked his hard-on and said, "I want to suck you."

I became a regular visitor to 'Homo Heaven' until I met Tony. It was the one thing about me that I felt no one else in the world ever needed to know.

Like I said, there are some things in your life that needs to remain private.

Jenny found a great two-bedroom apartment and wanted me to move in with her.

I thanked her, but declined her offer, and said, "Like a great and wise woman once said, 'It's time to give the boy some privacy'," we laughed and laughed.

I worked hard on my writing. It was sort of auto-biographical, but not really. I used events in my life, but embellished the characters and dialogue. Many times I fought the urge to walk to the park. I wanted that part of my life behind me.

One day Jenny called and said she got tickets to a ballgame from her company. I said, "Sure, I'd like that."

I met her at the gate. She was with a co-worker of hers named, David. We found our seats and were having a beer. I was sitting next to David and he asked if I'd ever been to a game before.

"Oh, sure..." I said "...about four years ago I—" I saw Jenny looking at me. "...well, not really, I was supposed to go about four years ago but I never made it."

Jenny smiled and sat back.

David was a fascinating man. I guessed him to be about thirty; he was handsome and in great shape. He said he worked out every day in the gym at work. We seemed to have a lot in common even though he had a PHD in Computer Sciences, and was the youngest person ever to head up the Research and Development department at their company. We spent more time talking than we did watching the game. After the game we had dinner at a nice restaurant.

When David excused himself to go to the men's room, Jenny asked, "Well, what do you think?"

I furrowed my brow and asked her, "Think about what?"

"David, you ninny."

"You mean—"

She interrupted and said, "Yes, little brother, you're on a blind date—both of you are—I thought you might like each other."

"You mean, he's—"

"...as a three-dollar bill," she smiled.

I was at home finishing up the last story for my book. I decided to call it, "Love, Deception and Lies: Stories of an Inhibited Young Man Growing-Up Gay."

The phone rang—it was David. He asked if I wanted to have dinner. I said, "I'd love to."

Jenny called right after David and asked if I wanted to meet her for dinner.

Well, David just called—I'm going to meet him for dinner tonight."

She softly laughed, and said, "WOW! What does that make this? Like your sixth date in two weeks?"

"Seventh," I said, "...but who's counting?"

She laughed then got serious, "He really-really likes you!"

I smiled, "I know—I really-really like him, too—he's everything I ever dreamed about in a man!"

"You're a lucky guy, little brother!"

She loved to call me 'little brother' because I was born twenty minutes after her.

"I'm a very lucky guy," I said, "...I might invite him back here to spend the night—we haven't---"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa—TMI, little brother—Too Much Information!"

We laughed and laughed and laughed....