Time After Time

I could sense unseen presences all around me, reassuring, soothing, serene... And then there was the voice, gender-neutral, soft and radiating pure love, all around me and inside of me, unheard but clear. "This is not the end... You and she are bound together, you are destined always to be with each other..."

Berenice... Bernice... Berry...

I woke up, sobbing uncontrollably, my pillow damp with tears. It was still dark outside and the red figures on my clock showed it to be 4:40. When I brought my weeping under control, I dragged myself from bed and went into the bathroom to splash my face with cold water.

Returning, I sat on the edge of my bed and thought about the dream. Could it have been caused by Henry Chastain's photograph album? Unlikely, for the recurring dream had started long before I acquired the album, even several times in childhood. Then there was the uncanny likenesses between Henry and Berenice Chastain and myself and Berry. Even the similarity in names, Henry and Henrietta, Berenice and Bernice—our names had been chosen for whatever reasons by our parents yet perhaps they had been influenced by... what...?

Unconsciously I reached out to turn on my bedside radio which I keep tuned to an easy-listening station. Peculiar, I wasn't even aware that I wanted the radio on. My conscious mind told me that perhaps I was hoping to catch the five o'clock news, something I rarely did, but truth to tell it was almost as if I was being compelled by an outside force. Even after turning on, I wasn't really paying much attention to the music but it gradually filtered through. Cyndi Lauper was singing: "...if you're lost, you can look and you will find me.../time after time..."

"If you're lost..." Well, I was certainly lost without Berry.

"...you can look and you will find me..." Could I find Berry and rekindle her love for me?

"...time after time..." Was my dream right? Were we destined to be together always?

Or was I perhaps cracking up? No, I didn't think so—lonely and unhappy, yes, but definitely of sound mind. I summed up what I thought of as the weird stuff: the recurring dream which, on and off, seemed to have been with me for much of my life; the supernatural voice in the latest dream; Henry Chastain's photograph album; the similarities in our looks and names; Cyndi Lauper's song at an exact moment when I was likely to be receptive. I shivered in awe. Against all logic I was beginning to think that perhaps Berry was right, that we had travelled previous lives together. And if we were destined to be bound to each other always, then life and love would surely find a way to bring us together again. I felt a sudden uplifting of my mood, a burst of optimism if you like, and settled back to rest some more, a little easier than I had been for weeks.

Berry

It was fairly late one evening when my doorbell rang. I thought it might be Hal, calling to make more of her pitiful excuses. At first she'd tried to speak to me daily but I wouldn't let her near me or answer her phone calls. Now I'd heard nothing from her the past eight or nine days so I'd assumed she'd finally got the message and given up. The bell chimed again, several times, more impatient and aggressive. It sounded like she wasn't going to give up easily and I prepared to give her a real mouthful of invective this time.

I peered through the spyhole. To my surprise it wasn't Hal but Tina from The Deep Velvet Bar. Opening the door, I said: "Tina, what is it?"

Tina stepped into my flat, dragging a dishevelled and slightly bruised Amber Lytton by one arm. "Amber's got something to tell you, Berry—haven't you, Amber?" Amber just stared at the floor, sullen and uncommunicative, so Tina shook her roughly. "I said you've got something to tell Berry, haven't you?"

"Okay, okay..." Amber raised her eyes to glare at Tina and then at me. "Hal wasn't cheating on you, I framed her. She didn't send me those texts, I hacked into her phone and did it myself. It was easy—she always was a bit thick when it came to technology. Hasn't even changed her phone in the past few years"

I guessed at the reason for Amber's bruises. It looked as if Tina had applied some gentle persuasion. "Why would you want to do that?" I asked.

"To screw up her relationship with you. She walked out on me, nobody gets away with doing that."

"But that was years ago..."

"So what?" Tone defiant and aggressive.

"There's something else," Tina butted in, "Tell Berry why you came back here tonight."

Amber's glower should have destroyed Tina on the spot but Tina was made of tougher stuff. She gave Amber another shake. "Go on!"

"I came back to see if I could cause any more trouble for Hal in case you'd got together again."

Dumbfounded, I could think of nothing to say, but not Tina. "Fucking hell, woman, you really are a vindictive cow, aren't you?" she snapped.

And I was shaken. I'd kicked out the woman I loved more than anything in the world and now it seemed she was innocent—at the moment, I just didn't know what to do. "What happens now?" I asked Tina.

"I suppose that's up to you."

Amber wrenched her arm away from Tina's grip. "No, it's up to me," she spat, "First, I'm going to bring charges against you for assault, that's what happens now. And I'll deny everything— I'll tell whoever that you're just two jealous bitches trying to stitch me up. My word against yours, no witnesses."

Tina gave Amber an evil grin and reached into her shirt pocket, taking out a small oblong box. "Mini tape recorder," she explained. She flicked a couple of buttons and we heard Amber's voice making her admission. Tina switched the little machine off and returned it to her pocket, adding: "The kind journalists used to carry in the old days so interviewees couldn't claim they were misquoted. Got your confession on it. And you know the real beauty of it? You can't hack into it to change anything. Very twentieth century primitive.

"Now, if you want to report me for assault, go ahead. Let's see—there are three categories. Most serious is grievous bodily harm. No, doesn't apply here, you're not grievously hurt. Next is actual bodily harm. You're not really harmed, just a couple of small bruises. Nah... Likely the worst that can happen is I'm charged with common assault—magistrate's court with a small fine, perhaps. But as a first-time offender I'd probably be offered a police caution instead which means no court, no fine, just keep my nose clean for a couple of years.

"On the other hand, lady, you've admitted to hacking Hal's phone with malicious intent to harass her." Tina's evil grin reappeared as she pointed at Amber and then tapped the pocket containing the tape recorder. "Don't know if you've heard but hacking and harassment are considered to be crimes now—probably get you twelve to eighteen months inside. I'll bet some of those tough dykes in the nick would love to have a bit of posh totty like you to play with."

In an instant the defiance seeped out of Amber and she slumped, defeated. "Okay, you win. Can I go now?"

Tina nodded. "But take this on board. If you ever try to cause trouble for Hal or Berry again, if you ever come into The Deep Velvet again, then that tape goes to the police, got it?"

I closed the door behind Amber and then asked Tina: "Was all that true?"

"Yes, every word."

"How did you find out?"

"After you left The Deep Velvet that night, Hal confronted Amber in the women's toilets," Tina explained, "Amber admitted everything to Hal, she positively gloated. What they didn't realise was that I was in one of the lavatory stalls, overheard every word. By the time I'd finished, they'd both disappeared. I didn't come to you at the time because I couldn't prove what I'd heard—you might have thought I was lying to get Hal off the hook. I had to wait until tonight when Amber came into the bar. I tried appealing to her better nature but she hasn't got one so she needed a little coaxing to tell the truth." Tina grinned again. "I can be very persuasive when needs be."

"I noticed," I said. With a sigh, I flopped into a chair. "What do I do, Tina? It never occurred to me that anyone could hack into a phone and plant false messages."

"It's easily done," said Tina, "No trouble at all for an expert."

"Hal's tried lots of times to speak to me and I've more or less told her to fuck off." Devastated, I continued: "I haven't heard from her for over a week now, I think she's given up on me."

"Do you really love her?" Tina asked.

"She's the love of my life."

"Then get your finger out and go see her. You might still have a chance if she loves you the way you love her."

* * * * *

Sound advice from Tina and yet I couldn't bring myself to act on it. I didn't think that Hal could possibly forgive me now. I know that she had hurt me once and I'd forgiven her but that was only a storm in a teacup before we really knew each other, sorted within twenty-four hours or less. This was much more serious. Hal wasn't guilty but I'd rejected her for three weeks or more, refusing to give her a chance to explain her side of events. There was every likelihood that I'd lost her.

So I went to the two people I could usually rely on to give the right answer, Mum and Dad. They knew that I'd broken up with Hal but I hadn't given them the full story, just said we'd fallen out over something private and were unlikely to be reconciled. Not ever. They'd wisely provided me with the shoulders to cry on without preaching or interfering in any way. Even Mum's habitual nosiness had been held in check. Now I gave them all the grisly details.

"She must be a very unhappy soul," Mum commented when I finished.

"Yes, and it's my fault for not listening to her."

"Oh, not Hal, love. I meant the Amber woman. You have to be a dreadfully sad person to want to inflict so much misery on others." Well, that was Mum for you—compassion should have been her middle name.

"What about Hal?" said my father, "You still love her, do you, Bernice?"

"Yes, Dad, from the first time I saw her I thought—no, I knew—she was my soul-mate. I love her with everything I've got."

"Then do what your friend Tina advised," he told me, "Get off your arse and go see Hal, try to make up with her. Crawl and grovel if you have to but do it." This was serious advice. Dad never called me Bernice unless he was being stern and practical. And at twenty-six I could count the number of times I'd heard him use a vulgarity on one thumb.

I'd call Hal straight away, ask if she'd see me. I put a hand into my jacket pocket but my phone wasn't there. I remembered. I'd come out in such a hurry to see my parents that I'd left my phone in the flat. As her number was programmed into my phone, I had no idea what it was. What my hand had encountered in my pocket, though, was the small box containing the ring I had for Hal. I'd forgotten it was there.

"Can I call for a taxi?" I asked my folks.

Dad sighed theatrically. "No need, I'll get the car out and take you to Hal's."

Mum wrapped me in a comforting embrace. "It'll be okay, love."

My emotions were all knotted up when Dad dropped me off. He parked a couple of houses down from Hal's, saying: "I'll just wait here in case Hal won't let you in. If she does, I'll go home and leave you to it. I really hope it works out, Berry—your mum and I reckon you and Hal were made for each other. We love you very much and we've come to love Hal."

I gave him a hug. "Thanks, Dad. I love you too."

Scared, I walked up to Hal's front door and tapped very quietly. As I did so, it occurred to me that she wouldn't—couldn't—forgive me, that she might not want me any more and I started to weep, mixed tears of shame and fear. Shame that I had doubted Hal so readily and fear that she would turn me away.

Hal

I was taken aback by a late night visitor, Tina. She stood on the doorstep, all six-foot-two of her towering over me.

"I suppose you've come to kick the shit out of me," I said before she could speak, "Well, you'd better get it over with."

"Now why should I want to do that?" she replied, apparently puzzled.

"Because I supposedly betrayed Berry and hurt her badly."

Tina smiled. I'd never noticed before but she had a really nice smile when she took the trouble. "Nothing like that. I've come to tell you that Berry knows what really happened. I persuaded Amber to tell her the truth tonight. And don't worry about Amber any more, I've warned her off, you'll not see her again. Okay, Hal, I've done my bit. The rest is up to you and Berry. If you can sort yourselves out, I want an invitation to your wedding.

"And Hal, do yourself a favour. Get a new phone and learn how to use it."

* * * * *

So, it looked as if today's early morning hopes might be fulfilled after all. I picked up my phone and called Berry's number but there was no reply. I supposed she could be in bed or in the bath or... anything... My instinct was to rush round to her flat but it was late so I decided to leave it until the following day. Then an awful thought struck me: supposing that Berry had found someone else and they were together tonight... No, if that was the case, Tina wouldn't have bothered with coming to see me. Anyway, hadn't the supernatural voice in my dream said that we were destined to be together always. Or was that really nothing more than a dream? Was my subconscious playing tricks on me. I flopped onto the sofa, tired and confused. I didn't know what to think any more... I might have dozed off for a while...

...suspended in white, limitless nothing. Soothing warmth, wrapping sensations of unbounded love and serenity. Lightness of being. Words of comfort, felt but not heard. "Remember, this is not the end, you are destined to be together always..."

...I jerked awake, thinking at first I was hearing things, the time nearing midnight and the knock on the front door being soft, almost timid. It was repeated and when I opened the door I found Berry standing there, anguished tears spilling down her face. "Tina found out the truth," she gabbled before I could say a word, "Got Amber to confess to me. I was wrong and I'm so, so sorry. Please, Hal, can you forgive me? Tell me it's okay... please..."

I could feel her pain and my throat tightened with love. I said nothing, just opened my arms to her and she clutched at me, hiding her face against my chest. I drew her into the house and held her, stroking her hair. "It's okay," I soothed, "It's okay, Berry, it's all over now. Amber's out of it, she can't hurt us any more." Slowly Berry's sobs eased and eventually stopped. She pulled away a little and reached into her jacket pocket to bring out a small box which she opened to reveal a beautiful ring set with three fire-opals.

"Hal, I don't deserve this but I love you so very much, will you marry me?"

I didn't reply immediately and the scared look returned to Berry's face. Instead I took her hand and led her to the sitting-room, opening the sideboard drawer to retrieve the box with the sapphire ring. Showing it to Berry, I finally answered her: "I was going to ask you the same thing. I love you very much, Berry. Will you marry me?" Then we were hugging tightly, both of us weeping like kids.

* * * * *

We were huddled together on the sofa. Our tears had finally dried and we were at peace. Berry touched the healing cut on my brow and asked: "What happened here? Was that my fault?"

I figured that a white lie was in order. "Nothing to do with you. I was careless, walked into a door."

Berry looked doubtful for a moment and then accepted it. She embraced me closely and said: "If you're sure you still want me after what's happened, Hal, I promise I'll love you until the day I die."

"Yes, I'm sure about us. But I've got something strange to tell you, Berry—it's something to do with both of us, our destiny you might say." Apprehension darted across her face and I hastened to kiss her mouth gently to reassure her. "Don't be worried, it's nothing dreadful. Berry, there's been some really weird shit happening to me over the past few days. It'll be best if I show you part of it then I can tell you the rest." I got up and fetched the first of Henry Chastain's photograph albums. "Before I show you this and tell you about other things, let's say my eyes have been opened and I'm much less sceptical than I was.

"You've just said that you'll love me until the day you die. Well, maybe it'll be a lot longer than that. Maybe we'll be together for always, time after time."

The End