All Comments on 'Triangle Choke'

A bit skeletal in places. But, this IS a short story. Hard to fill in and flesh out in so few pages. You used the standard romantic plot to good effect.

When you learn how to better paint your word pictures with fine brush strokes you will be a formidable author. (Assuming you weren't just dashing this off without care)

This story is clearly either a 1* or a 5* - nothing in between. It is about very rigid people who somehow learn flexibility and that's admirable in anyone. You could say they're both unreal and robotic, but that doesn't get the message across. It's really up to the individual reader as to what he/she wants to get from this. I'd like to think that flexibility is indeed an acquired trait and there's hope for all of us. So...5*

There were a few loose ends, but overall it was a nice story.

She really didn't deserve him, being a psycho-bitch from hell.

Ed tends to write about unpleasant things happening to men. Just like he does in this story for the first 5 pages or so. ESPECIALLY when Andi was going to choke him I conscience, bend him over a stool tied up and butt fuck him. He could have ended it there with Andi victorious. And Ed would have received a bunch grief for that.

But he choose to write a happy ending to this one. And did a pretty good job.

I enjoyed it, but I wonder what the ending would have been if Andi had won the match and he had passed out??

I ztill don't understand what pushed the antagonist over the edge.

Just because 2 guys talked about her? This "tipping point" is never quite explained.

Especially since she does the exact same thing by discussing him with all of his friends. Since tbe whole story is predicated on this "tipping point" I believe it needs to be explained better and examined.

Personally she is not worth the trouble and him harming her would have been fine with me.

This is more confusing than the first part. If both stories are stand alone stories I really don't know how to read! In this writing you had characters acting without reason what the fuck! This is the second time I'm going to comment on someone's idea. Your first story screwed up your style SO BADLY you threw this crap together I'm ashamed.

the characters do, anyway. did you say you are a fan of mma?

Waste of time.

This is different than the author's usual fair. It starts out with the Same Old Shit, but became a great deal more thoughtful than what I have seen before from edrider

Did it have plot holes? Yes. However, I liked the theme of growing as a person, that I felt has been absent from the author's work.

I feel that edrider is improving as an author..

Sorry, but there is no way to fix that kind of crazy. She went from Hella Crazy to just Mega-Crazy but even if she had gone to just "Normal" Crazy...... Crazy is still Crazy. And trying to choke you out and shove a massive dildo up your ass is NOT FIXABLE.

Seriously though, there is no way anyone that has been playing in the Sandbox in Kinetic Zones would not end up having constant PTSD incidents just simply talking to that chick. Hell, I got them just reading a story about her for F*cks Sake.

And, Glory Be! no one got the huge dong up his butt, even though there were cameras and lights.

The author wrote a story with some very complex characters and kept me reading it all in one go.

Great story.

Was I reading about Forrest gump cos he seemed to have same mentality.

Was I reading about Forrest gump Because he seemed to have same mentality.

This truly was a good story. Not the revenge story I was looking for. Kept me going till the last.

What could have been a good relationship story marred by two problems. A ridiculous dildo revenge plan and a group of friends who claimed to be against said plan yet still helped and participated with it. Both points could have been removed and the story would have only improved.

You are a fantastic writer, I didn’t like part one as much, but part two was very good. Reading part two was inevitable because I recognized your talent for writing and your plot twists and turns. Thank you and I’ll read more of your stories, you may make my favorites list.

Got confused who the hell valerie was but I realised it was one of the amazons. The writing is great and interesting, but needs some extra clarity when talking about multiple subjects. Like the time when Andi tells Bot that Valerie asked her Andi if she, Valerie could date him. I took me a few tries to understand, it was so confusing.

Your a good writer but so full of loving your own voice, you drag it out saying the same thing many times.

Protagonist is weirdly passive and doesn't contribute much to the story. He feels more like an observer than an actual active character. He doesn't criticize her for how she acts, doesn't correct her on her preconceived notions for so long and really only does so because she pushed him on it. He doesn't follow up conversations, trying to get her to see reason. He also does not contribute much to Andi changing. Again, he previously did not voice any objection to how inappropriately competitive she was. Then after he defends himself from her attempted rape, ge's more worried about how he responded to Andi's attempted horrible act than the act itself. Like, does it even matter if Andi changed? As long as he's confident he won't hurt her, it seems like she could do whatever she wants and he'd go along with it.