Triangle Choke

"Can I tell her what we talked about? I won't if you don't want me to."

"I don't mind."

He was now in closer touch with Andi. It started when she called him occasionally. After the first few weeks, she admitted that each time she called, she wondered if he would pick up and her friends continued to be amazed that he didn't block her calls.

Their conversations weren't long at first, because she didn't bring up their former relationship. One day, she said she missed talking to him about her work and listening to what was new at his business, but she supposed he wouldn't want to do that now.

"Why not?"

They began meeting for dinner every couple of weeks. The only difference from their conversations when they were together was that Andi listened more than she used to. She was trying to tune in to any changes in Thorne, but he seemed to be the same as he had always been. He even insisted on paying the bill. She argued for a while but finally gave in as long as he let her choose the place. She was going to take him to some upscale places but because he was paying, she stuck to family restaurants.

One night as their meal was winding down, she looked at him and took his hand. He didn't pull back as she spoke.

"I'm really glad we can get together like this. The thing I missed most was talking to you. There's another thing that I really miss. I wonder if you miss it, too."

He shifted in his chair but didn't say anything.

"I can tell you aren't comfortable with this, but there's nothing wrong if we have an understanding. I promise I won't try to get around any rules that you set. Lots of couples do it. Will you at least give it some thought?"

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"You're old-fashioned and don't like to talk about it, but you remember how surprised I was that you were open to anything in bed. You're an amazing lover, and you have to admit we were totally in tune. I haven't dated anyone since we split up. How about you?"

She thought she knew the answer, but she still held her breath and hoped he didn't notice.

"No," he answered immediately.

"I really need it," she said, trying to act like she was joking but hoping he would see that she was deadly serious.

"I miss it, too," he said, "but it wouldn't be the same. There was something special about it when we were together. Now it would be like animals mating. Why would we want to do that?"

"For the pleasure?" she offered. She couldn't believe he was reciting the woman's lines and she was giving him the man's.

"That's why you need it?"

She decided to ignore the question and try a different tack.

"I have a woman's body and it's in my nature, like it's in your male nature. You can't deny that."

"I know all about nature," he said. "When I ran away from home, I worked on a farm for three years. I took care of nature."

He paused and thought for a moment as he looked at her.

"I can do it," he said. "I know what to do. It's like when I brought in the bull to service the cows. You want me to service you the same way.

"You know what's funny. In the military, whenever a woman lost her temper or made a mistake, some men always whispered it was because she wasn't getting serviced enough. I always thought that was disgusting. You're telling me those men were right. You want me to service you the same as a cow. I guess I can do that."

He saw that his analogy had the desired effect. Andi's nostrils flared and she looked like she was about to explode. He waited, but the fireworks never came.

"Forget it," she said once she got control of herself. "I don't need a farmhand. I need a real man. Thanks for never telling me you thought of me as a cow while you were servicing me before."

He opened his mouth to explain how she had it all wrong but then realized she understood him completely and had twisted it to get back at him. He remained silent.

So did she. She was regretting that she hadn't called his bluff. No matter how disgusting he tried to make it sound, she wanted to be serviced by him.

He paid the bill, and they walked out to their cars and said goodbye. He noticed that when she kissed his cheek, her face was damp.

She didn't bring up the subject of sex again.

********************

Topic one at the dinner Andi cooked for Hag was Thorne. More specifically, was there a way to get Thorne and Andi together again? Andi told her that when she woke up after Thorne had tossed her, she looked around, and when she didn't see him, she was more frightened than she had ever been in her life.

Up until then, she loved him in a comfortable way. She enjoyed being with him, she liked that he was a decent guy, he looked nice and the sex was great. But when the fear gripped her, she realized that her obsession with being a strong woman had masked a much deeper love. She realized that without him, her life meant nothing -- and the stupid fiasco she arranged at Star Gracie had driven him from her.

During dinner, Andi told Hag everything she could think of that had happened since the day she choked Thorne. After dinner, they watched the video closely a few times. Then Hag became the professor. Her student, Andi, listened raptly.

"I think I know what happened," she started.

"You do? We've watched it dozens of times and still can't see what he did. He doesn't remember anything until he was over me."

"The last part's easy. We called it critical incident amnesia in the Desert.

"Hunter told me a while back that Bot wasn't the king of the mountain at your BJJ school. I asked him how that could be. He said Bot wanted to keep a low profile. His goal was to depressurize, so he was re-learning martial arts as a sport.

"The Bot we knew could have been an MMA professional, but he wanted to make a clean break from the Desert. He succeeded until you triggered his survival instinct.

"I'm sure what happened was that when he was about to pass out, his muscle memory from the Desert clicked in and told his body someone was trying to kill him.

"He just did what got him his nickname. In the Desert, he was automatic. Whenever the team got into trouble, he knew exactly what to do for us to survive, and he did it before he even realized what he was doing. That's what he always told us anyway.

"I won't tell you how many men he killed, and there aren't going to be any books about our missions. Our team's secrets go to the grave with us, but I can tell you this. I wouldn't be here talking to you if it wasn't for Bot. Every one of his friends that you've met will say the same thing."

"So he thought I was going to kill him, not just choke him out?"

"That's wrong and right at the same time. He knew what you were doing. At the same time, he did feel like his life was over. It began when he met you and it was about to end. He defined his life in terms of being with you."

"He what?" Andi blurted out in shock.

"He never told you that? He's said that to all of us."

"Oh, my god! I never knew that. What have I done?"

"Shut up and let me finish. I think he knew what was happening until a split second before he passed out. At that point, the old Bot thought you were really killing him and reacted automatically.

"He stood up so fast and you had such a tight choke on his neck that your body was flipped into the air. Then he leaned back slightly and your body kept going right over him. At the same time, he ripped your legs apart, breaking your choke, and let go of you so you flew behind him. Then he pivoted and was ready for the kill by the time you hit the mat."

"So he's telling me the truth when he says he's afraid he might do that to me again. Do you think that could happen?"

"Not a chance. It was only the extreme situation you created that triggered it. You simulated choking him to death so well that his survival instincts couldn't tell the difference."

"That's sort of what I told him, too, but he won't listen."

"I think it's because there are other things that he won't tell you because he doesn't want to hurt you."

"What other things?"

"Things in your personality. He made himself accept them, but what you did convinced him the two of you are too far apart to be happy together."

"He told you that."

"You know Thorne. The way he put it is that he could never make you happy."

"I guess that explains why he can't give in to me this time. I know he wants to. He's the type of man who wants a woman to run his life."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he's a submissive. It's nothing against him. It's in his genes. I've had relationships with guys like him before, but they weren't serious. I used them, they used me to use them and for a while it worked.

"I never would have gotten serious about Thorne if I had known from the start he was that way. He fooled me, and by the time I found out, it was too late. I was in love with him."

"Then why did you try to humiliate him like that?"

"I've asked myself that a hundred times. Why would I imagine a conspiracy between Harley and him? Even if they had said things about me that were insulting, there's no justification for what I tried to do. How could any woman do that to the man she loves? How could I have destroyed the best thing in my life?"

"I think you got something else wrong, too. The Bot I know is about as far from submissive as you can get."

"Maybe he changed after he came back from the Desert," Andi said. "He's not the kind of guy who puts everything out there. That's why I couldn't tell at first, but he submitted to me in everything. Like I said, I ran his life."

"Give me an example."

"I can give you lots of them. I picked his clothes. I chose our friends. I told him where we were going and when. I chose the restaurants; I still do. He did whatever I asked and never complained."

"He told me that you and he had completely different approaches to business. Did you ever tell him what to do at his company?"

"I tried a few times but he's set in his ways, and he was doing as well as he wanted to, so after a while, I let it drop."

"I think you just said he didn't listen to you when it came to his work. That goes along with my theory. I'm not sure you want to hear it, because it doesn't fit with the Thorne you want."

"Go ahead. I want Thorne any way I can have him."

"All right. I think you confused chivalry with submissiveness. Did you know Thorne had a horrible childhood? He ran away from home when he was thirteen and has lived on his own since then. His father beat his mother, but she wouldn't leave him.

"He was on the loose and in trouble of every kind -- including women -- until the military saved him. I happened to meet one of his old flames once and she confirmed what I already knew. When it comes to women, Thorne is a throwback. He doesn't talk about it, but for him, women belong on a pedestal to be worshiped as lovers, wives and mothers.

"What you thought was submission was his respect for you. He doesn't care about clothes or any of the other stuff, so why not give in to you? He hates what you do at your office, but it's your life and your choices, so why should he say anything to bring you down?

"When it comes to his business, something vitally important to him, he listens to your advice politely and ignores it because of the lessons we learned in the Desert. We had friendly competition, nothing like the ruthless kind at your office, but collaboration was what kept us alive to complete our missions."

"I wish I could believe you about Thorne," Andi said quietly.

"I'm not telling you I know all the answers," Hag said, "but my intuition tells me that if there's any chance for you to get back together with Thorne, you'll have to believe me first. Once you do, you're smart enough to figure out what you have to do to succeed. I happen to think you can do it."

"Thank you. That really encourages me to keep fighting. Right now I don't know what to do next."

"Think about what I just said about Thorne's personality. Can you accept the Thorne I described?"

"I can try, but what then?"

"I told you. You're smart. You'll work it out."

"Would you mind if I called you occasionally for help? There are other things he does that I'm thinking of right now that tell me I'm right and you're wrong. I might need you to explain them to me."

"I'll be glad to answer all your questions."

*********************

A few days after Hag left town, Thorne and Andi had dinner and she asked him what Hag had told him of their conversation.

"She said she didn't want to go into everything she and you said about me but she told me a lot, including her theory about what happened, uh, that night."

"Does it make sense to you?"

"I thought of that one myself. It's plausible. There's no way to know for sure."

"If you want me to tell you what we talked about, I will."

"No. I don't need to hear it."

"All right, but I will tell you that I got to know Hag really well. I asked her if I could call her Haley and she said she wouldn't mind, because that's what she uses in her consulting company, but she said the people she's closest to call her Hag.

"By the end of the night, I felt like I was talking to my sister. So I asked her if I could call her Hag and she laughed. If she never does a thing for me the rest of her life, she's already done more than I can ever repay."

"She said that you told her that and said if it came up to remind you what she said."

"You mean, she doesn't want anything but my friendship? Forget that. She's now a project."

********************

Steve showed up a few weeks after that. Everyone at Star Gracie was immediately aware of him, because he was the biggest man most of them had ever seen. He was half a foot taller than Harley and just as muscular. Except for Thorne and Harley, all the other men there looked puny next to him, and the women looked like toy dolls.

He had been a reserve pro lineman until an injury ended his football career. He didn't know anything about BJJ and started in the beginner's class.

As the others got to know him, they all approached him to roll with them because he was such a curiosity. All the Amazons did, except for Andi. He found out she was the top woman there and approached her one night.

At a dinner with Thorne a few days later, she told him Steve had peppered her with questions about how she had moved up so quickly.

"When I told him you helped me, he asked whether I thought you'd be open to working with him. I told him he wouldn't know until he asked.

"Despite the women and teenagers swarming around him, he seems to be a nice guy. He's got a lot of self-confidence, but he doesn't seem cocky. At least he didn't make a false move in our conversation. Tell me what your impression is if you agree to work with him."

"He already approached me, and I said I was fine with answering his questions and showing him things that I knew. I think we'll be rolling together tomorrow."

Thorne liked Steve, especially his attitude. He was always courteous to everyone, even young kids who pestered him. He respected his teachers and worked hard. In his first match, with everyone watching, he easily won and was gracious to a fault, telling his opponent that he knew it was mostly luck.

He noticed Steve beginning to talk to Andi more often. They began working together almost every week and sometimes left the club together.

During one of their dinners, she asked Thorne what he thought about Steve now that he knew him better.

"I really like him. He's got a good work ethic, and he's persistent."

"You can say that again," Andi said. "I'm glad you agree with me. I didn't appreciate his persistence at first but now I enjoy spending time with him outside the academy. He's in finance, too, at a different company and we have a lot in common. I have plans for him."

"It sounds like you do. I'm happy for you."

"I can't tell yet whether he's the man I'm looking for. I have to do more research, but I want you to know one thing. What I'm doing is not to make you jealous."

"I hope not. What would be the sense in that?"

"Right. Any other thoughts?"

"I think he's a nice guy and you're great and you should do whatever you want regardless of what I think. It's your life."

"Should I let him service me?"

His mouth dropped at her question.

"You probably think he's already doing that. You don't have to believe me, but I'm not fucking him."

"Of course I believe you, but I think you still don't understand the difference between cows and humans. If you're getting to know someone and learning about each other, you're going to get closer and you'll express your feelings for each other in all kinds of ways."

She gave him a long look before she spoke.

"Like we did?"

He paused before admitting it.

"Yes, like we did. That's a lot different than doing it for no reason except..."

He stopped and tried again.

"I mean, you and he should..."

He stopped again.

"Should what?"

She laughed.

"Don't answer. I'm pulling your chain, and you just gave me a great show. Lack of servicing makes me one mean heifer. We don't need to talk about this anymore, unless you want to."

"I don't."

****************

A couple of months later, Hag came to town for a couple of days. The second night she got together with Andi again, and Thorne was asleep when she came home. The next morning, she told him she was extending her trip a couple of days and she could move to a hotel.

"Why would you do that? You're staying here."

"Thank you. I'm going to be busy in the evenings, but we'll have dinner together if you're free."

"I'll make myself free."

"Thanks for letting me overstay my welcome."

"You'll never do that, so shut up."

She didn't talk about what she was doing the next two days. He assumed she was discussing some high-level security contract for her business.

When she left, she told him that she had something to share with him but she was going to wait to see how it turned out first, because she was superstitious and didn't want to jinx it.

He found out when she called and announced she was relocating.

"I can run my business from anywhere, and I want to stop living out of suitcases. I'll try your town first. If I don't like it, I'll go someplace else."

"You'll stay with me."

"That's what I was hoping to do while I look for my own place."

"I've got plenty of room. You don't need an apartment."

******************

Three days after she moved in with Thorne, Hag walked into Star Gracie holding hands with Steve.

Later that night she told Thorne that she and Andi had been corresponding regularly after their first meeting. Andi had written that she was screening someone, without explaining what she meant.

She found out that Steve thought he had a date with Andi and was as surprised as Hag that he had been screened. After the introductions, Andi left them sitting there, both feeling mortified.

They saw the humor in the situation at the same time, and their laughter broke the ice.

"That was the reason I took advantage of you for two more nights," Hag explained. "Steve and I have been seeing each other almost every night since then on the Internet. We're looking for a place. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Absolutely not. He's a great guy."

"I'm so glad you think so. Andi said she used the same techniques she uses to screen applicants who want to transfer to her team at work. She just changed the qualifications. I'm amazed at how well matched we seem to be so far."

She stopped for a moment and looked serious before she spoke again.

"I want to ask you something? Did Andi tell you how thoroughly she screened him?"

"No. All she told me was she wasn't sleeping with him."

A smile broke out on Hag's face and her tight shoulders relaxed.

"Same old Bot. How did you know that's what I was asking you?"