All Comments on 'True Lies - Redux Ch. 03'

This story remains interesting from both intrigue level as well as the relationship one.

Well written and holds interest and does not ramble. Await the next installment.

Thanks for the effort.

It's also high time for the bad guy to do something unforgivable and unforgettable, instead of just being slimey . The beginning narration / 3some could have continued thru Jim's POV if he is monitoring boudoir action thru button or pen cam that Jennifer is wearing. Slowburn potential that Arnold handled so well in ' True Lies' original was lost.

Story is losing steam with nonstop debriefing and no criminal underling butts getting kicked en route to Jim and Grey's on facing off in main event. More humor needs to punctuate the punches. If justbobkc is going to do ' T.L.' riff , use the template - the original was big hit for a reason.

At last some action........

Still enjoying this series.

The only criticism I have is a few times your dialogue is how people write, not how they speak... "Is there something Jim could do right now to change your mind, one way or the other? E.g. - could Jim actually earn your love, or re-earn it somehow?"

It takes me out of the story for a second because I have to backtrack to see if it's dialogue or description. I don't like being taken out of a good story.

Really can't wait for the next chapter. Thanks.

I enjoy this story thus far, but Slamdogg is right about the POV. You started with Jennifer and suddenly it became Jim with no segue at all. Then you went to the wife's POV. If you want to tell a story in first person, pick a person. Otherwise, the story should be a narrative. You obviously want us to know what all the players are doing and thinking, so narrative seems the way to go. You are working so hard to create the plot that you may lose some readers that are looking for Jim to show some of his professed skills

I'm glad you got the story line back in LW where it can attract the attention that it deserves. Another good chapter. Keep it going.

First: Welcome back to LW with this story!!! This was a pre-action chapter...But also a chapter where a lot of issues came clear. I don't know what @justbobkc has in mind to end the story, but we have just to wait and see...For this part 4*

Oddly enough, the only character I feel any smypathy for is the cheating wife.

Every one else in the story are lying, scheming people. Some for their own personal good, others for "God and Country". This reminds me a lot of Ingram's and Associates. I don't care for that series either.

I don't see this ending well for anyone. I'll probably stay to the finish, with feelings similar to watching a train wreck. You know it's going to end badly, but you can't turn your eyes.

I'm really enjoying this. Thank you

Like following this one...really looking forward to the next chapters.

She is a deranged cheating slut.

This fucking bitch has repercussions coming.

Which is true in most real life situations. I have the feeling that there will be a lot of blood spilled. So if you are of a faint heart do not tune in again.

damn your good 5

Still wordy with irrelevant scenes and discussions.

What's with Rachel's character? She makes no sense at all. Why does she feel sorry for herself? She was a married woman who allowed herself to become emotionally and physically involved with a screaming asshole. Her only real regret is that she failed to get to know the asshole before she gave herself to him and became ONE of his sluts. So why did she abandon her husband for essentially a stranger? We know why, he's fucking rich, she thinks. When Jim left she went immediately to his house and gave herself to him without limitation. So why is she pissed at Jim? I don't understand how this woman got through grade school, much less law school. Just too stupid to be believable. So why does anyone feel sorry for this worthless slut? She totally made her own bed, without duress or force. She's totally delusional, and it is obnoxious to give her any compassion.

And then we have the Iranian wife being equally stupid, about her own asshole. Anyone else starting to see a pattern here? Women are stupid and led by their greed or their clits. Rich men are clever deceptive assholes, just looking for rich stupid women to victimize. And these women deserve our sympathy for being stupid and careless about who they give themselves to. Please.

I do like the subterfuge and drama and espionage components, and find them the only reason to keep reading. The emotional romantic and sexual parts of the story are either lame, boring, or nonexistent. Maybe work on that for future stores.

I just finished and submitted chapter 4. I'm still negotiating diplomatically to keep it in the LW category.

Thanks for the support and the help of specific pointers offered by Harddaysknight and Oshaw and several others in both the comments here and via personal feedback.

It definitely pointed out to me some of my own mistakes in how I originally posted the first two chapters. And apparently correcting those mistakes did help get it back in LW, which I wanted. Thanks again for everyone's concern and ultimately successful help.

This is a HUGE site and I hope the owners are making some good old money off of running it. Some of the top overall stories have over 9 million views. There must literally be millions of readers at this site. (BTW - pretty much all the "top read" stories are Incest category, not LW. Go figure. ;-)

I know I can't keep all my readers perfectly happy. And with this story I admit I'm struggling a tad keeping ME happy. There is even more action in chapter 4, but maybe not as much as even I wanted and thought I would be able to deliver. I feel it's coming, though. I'm mulling it - possibilities.

But I seem to be stuck with a muse that's trying to channel Tom Clancy, Vince Flynn, and John le Carre. And anyone else now thinking "uh oh" sees my problem. Not that I consider myself the equal of any of those great and proven popular writers - but they definitely write different stuff in different ways, even though "it's all spy stuff." Just think how very different "The Spy Who Came in from the Cold" is from "Debt of Honor" or any Vince Flynn "Mitch Rapp" series book.

But at least a few people have posted very positive comments and I'll keep plugging away on this for those folks, especially.

Happy 4th of July, everyone!

Great story - keep it coming - 5*****

....if it sounds OK to your ear, then it should be OK. If not...well, you can figure that out.

Very well told, engaging and with an actual plot and characters we can believe.

Really, what's not to like?

Please carry on.

Thank you.

or will the story start in the next few chapters?

1*

Not boring for me.

have all the fun but switching perspectives is getting cumbersome. Thats my only real beef. As for 'Love'; people use the word all the time without really calculating its definition. Rachel says she still 'loves' her man. I buy that. She said it even if her actions don't show it. I love pizza. I cheated with hot and sour soup during a nooner. Almost everyone has some value. If you discount every married gal who fell on another man's trouser goblin you'd be left with a sixeable tax defecit. Just because folks use sex as a weapon does not make them detestable scum. Anything is a weapon. We use children, gods, education and food just to name a few of the more reprehensible weaponized things. This story is fun and sexy and the characters are well drawn. Nice job Bob..Go Royals.

Its bobbing along nicely for now and I am looking forward to the next chapter. Just a small point, you mentioned 2400hrs and that is never used it is either 2359 or 0001hrs. Ho hum there you go.

Poor slutty Rachel still loves Jim... Too bad. Burn her too!!!