All Comments on 'Trust but Verify Ch. 01'

The above from the description wasn't promising the best writing and I soon found out its poor writing at best.

Too much wheel spinning. I've heard all this before, and it's the same old "husband works too much." Find something fresh to write about. Maybe I'm just jaded from the Legends, but this was meh. Another build-up chapter.

I'll give you that. Chapter 9000 of one rummage sale story and another one for the dumpster. That being said, this chapter had too many details and not enough meat to keep me interested. Maybe something will happen in chapter two.

You need to edit or get someone to do it for you. For what it is, it's also a little long, really don't know why some think they need to drag stories out unnecessarily.

and what was I thinking. TK U MLJ LV NV

ending. Two kids, she's lying to him with every breath and every look, even if she isn't fucking anyone else. Sister is lying, whole family can't be trusted. Even if it's about a birthday surprise for him, lying is not something to tolerate in a good marriage. That said, the story does show promise and with a little tightening here and there could become a very readable and enjoyable story. Probably already written, but please don't let him be a willing cuckold or even someone who puts up with a cheater and her retainers.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Excellent build-up can lead to either forgiveness or burning

A story about how much ibuprofen two people can ingest in a week, that's certainly original.

Do not agree with comment of too long, in real life the hardest part of resolving a problem is the time scale. The seeking out of information, fact from fiction, the internal mental struggle of denial versus fearing the worst swinging back and forth. This story so far is more realistic than most creating tension and drama making the characters real and vulnerable As readers we are in the same position as the husband, speculating as to what is going on thinking it is something dreadful but what exactly. Very good writing, please do not keep us waiting to long for the next chapter but do maintain the quality.

Good set up.

Great build up!

Got me on the hook. Good writing.

i hate cliffhangers. the build up was great. the emotion was there. you are a great writer. i just wish it wasnt a 2 parter.

Wife cheats, mean husband gets revenge on wife and her lover and shows world how he gets the revenge.PLEASE

stretched into two. You gave us the scenario, and then repeated it several times, and then stopped the tale when the promise of learning the actual problem, if there even was one, as well as the solution were in sight. Compact it a bit. Make it one chapter.

you gave us just a fragment, an intro. what was the point of dividing it right there? to give us a cliffhanger? just annoying.

now a 2 ... could be a 5

Assumption by hubby and some readers about her fidelity. Could be true but it is as likely to be something else. Pretty self centered guy. Complained about always saying I love you first but in reality she did in this story so far including the first phone call. Some of that could be attributed to mood after overhearing the call but as you've set this up he is a bit of a self-centered cold fish. That being the case you will have trouble in your next half convincing me that this is her fault. I'm hoping it's an over-reaction on his part but I'm not counting on it.

I have just a feeling that this isn't a simple cheating wife story...But I can be wrong...That's why I think the whole story should have been in one part only, like some other comments say...Or at least have us know what the recorder contained...Then part 2 would deal with the aftermath...Not puting it in this part, is the reason why I think the story will have a twist...But we have to wait and see...2* for now

Some stories focus too much on the technology. Some focus too much on the emotional component. Some on relationship context and history.

I have no idea where the focus is so far.

keeping secrets in a relationship and changing habits don't work out well in the end

Story is moving a bit slow for me. Need some meat not fluff

It begins with him coming back from his trip, flashes back to the trip, then his return is nothing like the beginning?

“he knew straight asking wasn't the answer.” – What?! Of course it is! And then he doesn’t confront her about two nights shut down in a row?

“Her cell phone said it had never left the house.” – Whose house? If it was their house, then how could it have “died?”

“the name on the screen made it worse.” – Whose name?

Not long enough to create a build up in tension to justify the split into two parts. A fairly well written story, though I always have an issue when the spouse believes he cannot get an honest answer with a direct question.

The husband is a bit of an ass, to put it mildly. He's written this way. There are enough hints at the start that this is putting a strain on the marriage, as he himself vaguely recognizes.

Yet, for no apparent reason in the marriage's history, he immediately jumps to deep suspicion, to the point of setting up surveillance. This implies a couple of things. First, that there is little communication in this marriage. If something seems odd, just ask. Problem solved (or at least laid bare). Second, the stresses in the marriage only means that the wife broke first (if, indeed, she was adulterous), and she can hardly be held solely responsible. If anything, more credit to her if she makes a break for freedom.

Either way, the husband is the co- or sole villain in this piece. The question is: will the wife put up with him by the end of the story? True loving wife if she does ..

Not awful, but not entertaining either. Certainly not erotic.

Wonder who paid for the abortion.

Looking forward to second chapter!!

The other comment about husband being at fault??? Really???? What planet are you people on. Communication works both ways. If she is really that unhappy she should sit him down and tell him. We don't know what's she's done yet, but if his crime is working his arse off to put food on the table and some money in the bank, well what a horrible person he is!!!!!

Love is can be blinding????

So far so damn good . What will hubby find .can't wait till next chapter .

For me, I didn't see how his conclusion to his wife's behavior was that she HAD to be cheating. True, she was short and less then understanding with him, and the overheard conversation was certainly provoking. But, there could be many explanations other than her cheating. She may have found out that she is ill or that she is pregnant and doesn't know how he will take the news. And not being able to ask her directly about her overheard conversation is a red flag about their marriage and communication.

All in all I like the story but like a lot of commenters, it seems like it could be a lot shorter.

This is really good work. I hope the next installment comes quickly. I don't share the comment that John made an unbelievable leap. First, we don't know his history or hers prior to marriage. We DO know that John is well aware that he hasn't handled his wife's complaints well. In fact he knows he's already done enough damage to risk his standing at work. I've been there and had fears and suspicion when my wife traveled. I never investigated her, but it sparked some deep discussions about where we stood, her complaints, my fears, and our expectations of each other. It was her exuberance after one trip that scared the hell out of me. To my knowledge neither of us broke our fidelity, but each of us had a prior engagement to a cheater. It's an easy leap with enough signs. John had plenty of signs.

Don't wait too long for the next chapter. Readers will lose interest.

It could be anything. A severe illness she is hiding from him, cheating... or maybe something else?

Looking forward to chapter 2!

Chess is broken down into the opening, middlegame and finally the endgame. try1justforfun has done a competent job of launching the story of marriage trending decidedly down. The couple aren't dynamic separately or together. Family and vocational responsibilities have muted their sparkle.

I like the husband is being the more proactive of the two. He is quite Winterfrog-esque in that regard , albeit a bit more wordy in detailing the symptoms of the marital malaise. I'm hooked enough to seek this author and story in submissions of the next few days in order to learn the final diagnosis. Thanks go to try1justforfun for sharing.

Don't wait to post the conclusion. And don't let him turn into a willing cuckold just because divorcing her will lose him the house, custody, alimony and half his retirement. This has the makings of the usual stuff. Surprise us.

I agree with HDK and others that there is no good reason for dividing this story in two parts. Perhaps a streak of sadism? I really felt that not identifying the name on the screen was deliberately meant to turn us against the wife. I am sure though that it will turn out to be a tempest in a tea cup!

You have my attention I hope we don't have to wait too long.

She is pregnant and don't know how he will take another kid.

Most tales that are a leadin to more later piss off the readers, since a goodly number stay left unfinished. Lots of reasons for that of course, a main one being the leadin is not well received. Of course some start out well, then wander off into lord knows what.

But this one is pretty good, well written with potential. So, I sit here waiting for what direction you take this.

Thanks, so far,

MGM

. . . I agree with others that it is an unfair tease to extend it. I do appreciate the warning that it was going to be only a 2-parter. Here's hoping that the 2nd part appears promptly.

Like others have said, the problem is probably something relatively benign. A pregnancy or a health scare? I really like this couple. They seem a little more "real" than any I've read about here in the last while.

As to Johns jumping straight away into surveillance? Well, he knows in his gut something is off. Asking someone you think might be cheating on you if they are is a sure fire way of keeping yourself in the dark.

Good start now move story along as I'm starting to fall asleep.

After the third time, unless you're fucking with us, that's more than suspicious.

"Their youngest had just gone back to school the year before, and Jennifer had gone to work as a paralegal." Now that I know the children are not grown, what does the sentence mean?

Your start has a few heavy handed inferences that just don't flow organically. I know that you are trying to set up conflict (as all good stories have some kind of conflict) but forcing it just doesn't work.

I will wait to read your second chapter before making any kind of score for the first.

If I kept repeating to my husband " always remember I love you, no matter what" he would've asked me point blank period what did I do? He knows me like a book. Why not just ask her? She's clearly feeling guilty --practically sick over whatever "she's done". All it would've took was a few questions. Interesting to see where this is going.. Hopefully nowhere that's going to my gag.

I feel like it should be moving quicker, or there should me more going on. Conversations with his friends, other actions to hold the reader's interest.

Not a huge criticism, just my opinion.

It means that they've grown (or gotten) OLDER, not "grown up."

You have me hooked, though it is taking along time to develop. I am waiting to see when he snaps at a "Will you still love me" remark.

At the start he says she never says "I love you" first. Now she Is reenforcing to him (or herself) that he knows she loves him. Waiting on the next chapter!

HardDay is correct. Good story otherwise.

Why is he going off half cocked with no proof of any wrong doing,only a gut feeling . From a long marriage and no problems. So we see where this author goes from here. You really did not put this story out there well. A lot of questions , at first I thought the kids were in college, if they had sex so often why would she be cheating , and all that love professed between them. So where are you taking this.

Thanks, this story is intriguing. I took it in one gulp. I hope second part (final?) coming soon. Just I can't wait for it!

An intriguing start, but incomplete, even as a chapter 1. So, incomplete grade.

Will wait to score.

I was intrigued by the premise of your story. Not sure why you split it unless you are planning multiple endings or inviting others to write their own endings. Hope you won't wait too long to post the ending as you didn't give enough to glue readers to the next chapter

It's a good story and it's very well written and you can really feel the tension building up my husband seems to be really wrong but he doesn't know what.

Butending chapter 1 now when the husbsnds has no real information is kind of pointless

......see, not a good Idea. Thank you very much for writing, I think you got serious potential. Keep it up. Having said that, the Stop at nowhere ending means:

Took your 4 to a 1. OldBearSwitch

Hello,

I would like to thank everyone for the feedback. I wanted to make it two parts to break of the narrative between what happened to him and what happened to her that weekend. Sounds like it didn't go over well, given the length and content. I will keep that in mind in the future.

By the way, Part 2 has been submitted, so it should appear shortly. I agree that it is painful to read the first half and never get the second. I just had to finish editing the second part. I haven't received any response from the editors page (submitted to 4), but I feel like I have put the stories out there to grow as a writer all the same. Currently, my wife and I are the editing team.

Thanks again for the feedback.

This, is lw, but it seems like he's already decided she's a cheating slut without any actual evidence and basically treating his job like a mistress. Assuming it doesn't go down the old retread of infidelity slash instant win, hopefully he actually sees some consequences. Dislike stories where the husband acts like a cube, turns out his wife is faithful and then he gets rewarded for it.

There's hope for that - i like the way you played the spy gear angle. Too many billionaire spyware hacker mastermind heroes in this category.

if you look back I wrote that comment under that headline earlier, glad you have part two on the way, my biggest concern was that you would take to long to deliver it. reading my previous comment realized I was maybe a bit harsh, but once i read ch 2 i'll give you a more constructive feedback

Your writing is much better than other chuck writers.

Let's wait for ch 2 to find out who banged who during that weekend!

Or maybe she has an incurable disease.

lol

Why is it that American men feel compelled to spy on their wives? I doubt it would occur to any other nationality. And "Trust but Verify"? Does the term "a contradiction in terms" ring a bell?

The term comes from Ronald Regan about the nuclear treaties with the USSR .

Looks like it worked there for those American Men !

The first story was poorly written, full of mistakes. I only gave it a 2 *'s.

This one I gave it a 5 *'s but I wanted to read your first one before I commented. Much improved and you must have either did much better at proof reading or had someone do it for you.

I like the suspense you are building up to and the conflict. These are two elements I enjoy most in LW stories.

Don't wait too long before the next chapter. We need to know what she did, but don't rush it and submit one full of grammatical errors.

Two examples you need to watch out for from this story:

"The warm ached told him he was growing closer..." I'm sure you meant "ache"

"They grabbed her hands and lead her up the stairs." There are two different tenses in this statement that are conflicting. "Grabbed" is past tense; "lead" is present tense and should have been "led."

How stupid do you need to make the husband. Wife is clearly a spoiled selfish Cunt who is cheating. But the way this is going it's another loser husband that buys the shit his Cunt is feeding him. He should have hired a PI and it's easy to hide the money but then you couldn't make the husband have any brains. Ch2 will most likely be a bullshit cover up for the Cunt.

The irony, and the reason Reagan used the phrase during arms control talks with the USSR, is that "trust but verify" is a Russian proverb.

Your first story had so many typos and grammatical errors that it was almost unreadable, and the narrator was such a despicable specimen that I really didn't care what happened to him.

This is WAY better, not only for typos and grammar, but also for plotting, character development, and thoughtful phrasing (like "the great cat roundup," for example).

Laying down 5* for this, and I'm off now to read the next chapter!

Ch1 gets voting and comments, but not Ch2? Which is a better chapter!

You looked too soon, Ch 2 IS scoring better, as far as the number of comment, Ch 1 has been up 4 days longer, and even then only has 14 more comments, 72-58.

Ch 2 has 58 comments in one day, Ch 1 has 72 in FOUR!

Now to ch2

Okay my interest is piqued. Is she a cheater or is there another explanation. I guess we'll see...

betrayed!

waste of time , finish the damn story

“Divorce lawyer reviews on Amazon”? Last I looked, Amazon didn’t sell divorce lawyers, why would they have reviews of them? It seems like both the adults in this story are either sick or tired, or both, all the time. It’s no wonder they are having marriage problems. But, to echo the last commentor, let’s get on with the story please.

Good start to your story. I'm looking forward to her getting burnt in chapter two.

Got me hooked. Need to see what's coming for Jen.

So far, this is an interesting story, keeps you wanting more. She obviously is hiding something from him and his sister-in-law is apart of it. Glad he isn't one of the slow clueless husbands that most writers tell about in these kind of tales. We know what she is doing, cheating, but what is he going to do about it? The storyline is almost standard but well written. The characters are believable in this tale of discovery, for me that is. Really looking forward to the next chapter.

Good story so far. Cuck or Man? Wait till the conclusion...

Interesting story so far. The beginning was a little haphazard but settled down and improved. Looking for an interesting ending.

How did he put the recorder on her keychain, and she swapped cars with ger sis. Then the fob her sister had, (car swapped) recorded all the conversation with her boss?

so slow getting anywhere or real information.

Sorry but, this was a lot of wheel spinning here, with the storyline going nowhere. 2 Stars.