Turning Towards Ohio

Lately, Jason has been more insistent. He kept begging and pleading with me to come and visit him. And from the tone of his messages, I know that he doesn't want me to visit so we can play cards. For my part, I'm very tempted. His idea to pretend that I'm visiting my parents seems like a good one. The problem is that if I go there and have a few days of excitement and mind blowing sex, I probably wouldn't want to come back. Bob would be lost without me and my daughter would hate me for abandoning her daddy.

* * * * * *

Bob

It was very hard for me to even look at Jane, when I got home that night. I hadn't gotten much work done at the office. I had rolled the situation over in my mind at least a hundred times.

The first thing that went through my mind was that I felt so betrayed and so hurt that I wanted to lash out and hurt Jane back. I wanted her out of my life forever. On the other hand, Jane hadn't actually done anything. She hadn't fucked the guy. She hadn't even kissed him. All she was actually guilty of was writing some messages to an old flame. No, it was worse than that. How did Jimmy Carter say it?

Jane had lust in her heart. That made it just as bad as if she had actually done something. She was having an emotional affair with some clown from her past. She was spending time and effort on her relationship with him that could have been spent on us.

At the same time, maybe it was just a harmless fantasy. Everyone had a right to their dreams. Her relationship with Jason hadn't hurt us much until I found out about it. Jane like everyone else had a right to the sanctity of her dreams. The thing that bothered me the most though, was the way she had begun talking about me, as if I was responsible for her life being boring. She made it seem like our life sucked. Her fondest wish was to spend a few days with Jason. And as much as the idea terrified me; I decided to give her the chance.

As I walked into my formerly happy home, it was difficult to pretend that nothing was different. As a matter of fact, I sucked at it. Jane knew almost instantly that something was wrong.

"Are you okay, Honey?" she asked. "Does something hurt?"

"No, I'm fine," I said. She kept looking at me and coming over to me while she cooked dinner.

"Bob, there's something wrong. I can tell," she said. "What is it?"

"It's my tail lights," I said in frustration.

"What?" she asked, looking at me as if I was crazy?

"I bought those Raxion gen 5 tail lights to upgrade my car. My car is black," I said.

"I know that sweetheart," she replied.

"I hated those old and dated looking red tail lights," I continued. "So I bought the Raxions from American Muscle. The directions on the web site made it look simple to install them. They were supposedly plug and play. But when I looked at my car's wiring harness, I knew that they lied. I'm a God damned engineer and I have no clue about all of that wiring."

"Honey, you're a manufacturing engineer," she said softly.

"Exactly!" I said. "I could probably make those fucking tail lights, but I can't install them. Now I have to go to an automotive electrical shop to have them put in. They should have instructions for every year of Mustangs that the lights fit, and every model too. The GT premiums have a different wiring configuration with a lot more wires and..."

She just walked over and put her arms around me. "Honey, you don't have to do all of the work on your car yourself. We can afford to have it done," she said. She was almost laughing as she looked at me.

I was sure that she believed it, for two reasons. The first was because I was always doing something to my car. Cassandra actually called the car her sister because I treated it like it was my second child.

The second reason was because it really was true. Those fucking tail lights were driving me crazy. But I had found a shop out on Gratiot Avenue that could put them in for me. The owner had been sure they could do it.

I had dodged a bullet, but I needed to be far more careful. A couple of hours later, I was lying in bed when Jane came in. Since Cassandra had gone away to school and was only home on alternate weekends, Jane had given up all pretense of modesty.

She stepped out of the shower and dried off and walked through the house completely naked looking for me. I had one eye cracked as she walked into our bedroom. Her large breasts swayed from side to side as she looked around. Normally, I'd have one of them in my mouth as soon as I saw her.

"Bob," she gushed. "I've got something for you."

I don't know what was going through my mind. It was the same pussy that I'd been trying to get that morning. The same pussy that I'd worshipped for the past twenty years. I was relatively sure that no one except me had been in it during those same twenty years. But all of a sudden, the thought of sticking my dick in her made me sick to my stomach.

Maybe it was because in my mind, Jane was no longer mine alone. I had loved her and supported her for twenty years, just so some clown from her home town could reclaim her as soon as he found her. The thing that galled me the most was how quickly she had forgotten everything we'd gone through together. All the years of being there and taking care of her when she was sick, apparently meant nothing

Fuck her, they deserved each other.

She shook me trying to get me to wake up. I rolled over and looked at her, still feigning sleep.

"Oh ... G' night, Honey," I said. "I forgot to tell you. I have to go out of town next week. I'll be gone for four days. I leave Monday. I'll be back by Friday night. That way I won't miss Sandy's visit."

She didn't say anything about the trip. "But Honey, aren't we going to...?" she asked. Then she lay down beside me. She wrapped one arm around me and spooned against me. I think she was frustrated because she would have normally been the one in front. But with me turning my back towards her, she tried to get as much contact as she could.

Even having her arm around me was almost painful for me. I think that I was already trying to distance myself from her emotionally. Call it a survival mechanism or just plain anger, but in my mind, I wasn't even going to try to fight for her. I had already conceded her to Jason. As far as I was concerned, she was his now and I didn't like her touching me.

I felt as if I had wasted twenty years of my life. The only thing I had to show for it was Cassandra. My daughter was the only good thing to come from twenty years of wasted love and wasted emotion.

Next week would tell me everything I had to know. It was a test that I was very sure she would fail and our life together would be over. Even if she came back, which I seriously doubted I would have no place for her in my heart or my life.

Maybe it was the cave man in me, but MY wife, had to be MY wife alone. The whole sharing is caring thing didn't work for me. Of course to protect myself when things went bad and we ended up in court, I would need evidence. Even as we lay there, she wiggled against me trying to interest me in what she had to offer. I on the other hand began planning my exit strategy.

I needed a good lawyer. I had no idea where to find anyone who handled that kind of thing. I also didn't really feel comfortable discussing my failure with anyone I knew.

When it all came down to it that was the way I felt. I felt as if I had failed. I had failed to keep my wife interested in me. Obviously I was so boring or so unappealing that my wife needed to start up a relationship with a past lover. Or maybe our entire time together was a lie. Perhaps I was just a place holder in her life until he retired from the military and came back to claim her.

She had probably been comparing us all along and found that I came out second in all of the most important categories. So now that G.I. Jason had returned, I was cast aside.

I believe in romance. I believe in true love and all of that other bullshit, but more than anything else, I believe in fairness. And it was damned unfair of Jane to keep me on a string while she had her relationship on the side with the man she really wanted to be with. If she wanted to be with Jason, the least she could do is tell me.

She should allow me to walk away with my dignity intact and move on with my life. I had the right to find someone who loved me enough to be with me alone.

I fell asleep making plans. Throughout the night I dreamed of my marriage and I came up with hundreds of ways that I had failed Jane. By the time I awoke the next morning I was exhausted from my emotional dreams. And I was even more convinced that Jane and I no longer belonged together. But I had to get out of it with my pride intact. I needed to get out on my terms.

I got out of bed an hour early leaving Jane asleep. She mumbled in her sleep as I left the room. I showered and dressed and left the house without saying a word to her.

I had breakfast alone, in a diner near the plant I worked in. I handled my assignments that day as if I was in a fog. Normally I'd have been visited by a large number of friends and colleagues who were wondering what I was doing and what my latest research was on. But unlike the comics or the internet romance stories, no one came to visit me.

In real life no one visits a guy when he's feeling down. If I had been a woman they'd have showered me with concern and affection. But as a man, they maintained their distance. Men are not allowed to have feelings. A man, even after being married to a woman for decades, is expected to just suck it up and move on.

The only person, who came to see me, was Rick. When I told him about my plans his eyes lit up. I told him about what I wanted to do and what I would need. I had taken some time to go on the internet and research divorce lawyers in my area and had spoken to a handful of them.

Most of them agreed that if I wanted a divorce without mortgaging my soul to Jane, I'd have to be able to prove that there were grounds for the divorce. Otherwise the judge or court would simply side with her. They would assume that I just wanted to cast her to the side for a younger woman or a woman that I found more attractive. They'd think that I was doing pretty much what she was doing to me.

If I made any type of accusations against her, she could simply deny them and it would be my word against hers. Most of the lawyers thought I should hire a P. I.

When I said that part Rick got upset. "What the hell can those guys do that I can't?" he asked.

We had a long conversation about it and Rick ended up taking some vacation time to follow Jane back to her home town and get pictures for me of Jane misbehaving. I truly believe that Rick would have paid me for the chance to live out his 007 fantasy.

I offered to pay for his motel room and plane fare and he accepted. He seemed to be more excited about the whole thing than I was. I was sure that I could get him the information regarding the flight she would take because although Jane had a bank account of her own, she didn't have much money of her own. That meant that she would be more likely to buy her plane tickets from our joint account.

All I had to do was to wait for her to tell me that she would be visiting her parents. Then I could inform Rick and the game would be on.

It didn't take very long. As soon as I got home that evening, Jane was all over me. She was kissing and hugging on me like we were still on our honeymoon. I tried to pretend that I was enjoying it. But truthfully, I looked at her as if seeing her for the first time.

It was puzzling how just this afternoon, she'd written to Jason and told him how much she missed him and was looking forward to seeing him. She agreed with him when he said that they should have gotten married. She even told him how much she loved him. But now less than an hour later she was claiming to love only me. Women are confusing. Which one of us was she lying to?

She started hinting around about having sex, so I told her that I had injured my back and was trying to rest it. When she reached around me and tried to rub it, I pretended that even touching it hurt.

She looked really concerned. At that point, I really wasn't sure which one of us was the better actor.

As we sat down at dinner, the answer to that question was made painfully clear.

"Bob, Honey," she began. "Since you're going to be gone anyway, I think I'm going to go home and visit my parents for a few days, okay?" she asked.

I had my answer. My marriage and my life as I knew it, was over.

"Sure, Jane, that's fine," I said. Over the next two days, Jane showered me with affection. I tried not to show it but I grew more and more depressed.

The only person other than Jane who seemed to be happy about the events was Rick. He was buying cameras and disguises and telling me about each one. I was glad that my misery seemed to be the defining incident in his life.

* * * * * *

Jane

As I sat on the plane waiting while it taxied towards the terminal, there were at least a thousand thoughts going through my mind. Maybe I was exaggerating but at least a hundred ideas, emotions and feelings battled for a place at the forefront of my psyche.

Some of those thoughts revolved around Bob. There was something off about that man. I know him better than anyone, and there was clearly something wrong with him. He was hurt by something and he was keeping it inside of him. I'd been thinking about it, I couldn't stop myself. I was sure that it had something to do with his job, because it all started on the same day that he told me about his business trip.

It had been years since Bob had travelled for business. Usually they sent someone else. This was why Bob thought that he was too valuable in the plant to send him off on errands that any engineer or even some of the sales guys could handle. Perhaps that was it. Maybe there were some newer, younger hot shots around and Bob wasn't as valuable as he once was. That could be it. The blow to his ego and status could have him in a funk.

Bob had to learn that his job meant nothing to us. It was our source of income, nothing more. He needed to focus on me and our future.

That thought seemed kind of hollow suddenly. Did we even have a future? What if the butterflies in my stomach, were telling me that my future was with Jason? It was hard to face. And I really didn't want to hurt Bob, but perhaps I was always meant to be with Jason.

What if the moment I laid eyes on Jason everything fell back in place. Maybe I would never return home. Maybe I would just stay with Jason forever. I dreaded the phone call I would have to make.

I'd be as gentle as I could. After all, I had a child with Bob. And he had taken care of me and loved me for twenty years. I would have to pick my words carefully.

I rehearsed the words in my mind.

"Bob, Honey, I love you. I've loved being married to you. We've had a great life. But, it's time for me to turn in another direction. I guess things just didn't work out."

I know he would be very hurt, but I had to think of my own happiness. Bob is a big boy. He'll get over it in time. Of course he and my daughter and all of our friends will blame me. It'll be Jason and me against the world. It'll be just the way we always imagined it when we were in our twenties and madly in love.

Bob, as nice a guy as he is, has never been as exciting as Jason. He's never been as attractive. He's never been as wild, or as strong. He's never been able to float my boat the way that Jason can. Compared to Jason, Bob is nothing.

I was drawn out of my thoughts by the announcement that the plane had reached the terminal. I got out of my seat and stepped into the aisle.

I slowly filed out of the plane and into the terminal with the rest of the passengers and looked around. My heart was in my chest. I imagined Jason as being as hot and as sexy as he was when we were younger. In his messages he told me that he hasn't changed much.

Unfortunately, I had. I hope that he'll still want to be with me even though I've aged considerably. My legs aren't as tight or as smooth as they were back then. I have a bit of a tummy too. It's a souvenir of child birth. My ass is fatter, but my boobs are bigger too. Jason always loved my boobs. They were his favorite toys to play with.

I met him when I was a nineteen year old virgin. He was the first man to play with them. I felt kind of guilty about giving them to another man while Jason was off defending our country. But life was about second chances. If Jason still wanted these boobs, after twenty years of another man playing with them, he could have them. I hoped with all of my heart that he did.

As I looked around the terminal, I saw people being met by their loved ones and by others. Some of them simply started talking to the people who met them and others kissed or hugged them as if they'd been apart forever.

From nowhere I thought I heard the sound of someone calling my name. I looked and saw a short, balding man smiling at me. He needed a shave and his clothes looked as if they needed to be washed.

Despite his outward appearance, there was something in his eyes that was the same. It was Jason. I guess the years hadn't been as kind to him as they had been to me.

My initial feeling was one of shock. There was something just not right about this whole thing. I suddenly felt as if ... No. I realized that what I was feeling was probably just guilt.

As Jason made his way over to me and quickly grabbed me into his arms, the feeling that I was making a mistake grew stronger. My body was confused. Somehow, being in Jason's arms, didn't feel right. And his arms were thin and hairy. They weren't the arms that I remembered from my youth. And they certainly didn't make me feel as safe as when Bob hugged me.

And then I jumped. Jason had run one of his hands down my back and was squeezing one of my ass cheeks as if it belonged to him. I quickly moved his hand away.

"Jeezus, what the hell is wrong with you?" he asked.

"Jason, we're in a public place," I said. "Why are you grabbing my ass in full view of all of these people?"

"Fuck them," he smiled. "They don't mean shit to me."

His words were familiar. It was the kind of thing he always said. As I looked around and saw the looks on the faces of the people who had seen what he did, I was embarrassed.

He leaned over towards me and whispered into my ear. "I can't wait to get you to your hotel and get those clothes off of you," he growled. "I'm gonna tear that pussy up!"

"Jason, I'm not staying in a hotel," I said. "I'm staying with my parents." The look of shock on his face confused me. For months now, he'd been telling me how much he loved me. He'd been telling me how he'd always loved me and how we belonged together. That wasn't the way I was feeling.

I told myself that it was only an initial reaction. I told myself that we needed to get used to each other again. But my gut was in a state of flux.

"Aren't you glad to see me?" I asked.

"Of course, Baby," he gushed. "But my hormones are on a state of uproar. I've been dreaming of us getting together since you told me you were coming. I want you bad."

In a way, I guess I should have been flattered. Especially since, Bob hadn't touched me for the past few days. That was another thing that bothered me. My body always seemed to crave Bob. But from the second that Jason had started squeezing my ass, I'd felt nothing but revulsion. I needed time to think about this.

Jason grabbed my hand and led me out of the terminal. "I have to get my luggage and my rental car," I told him.

"That sounds like it's going to take a lot of time," he said. His voice sounded kind of whiny. "I've got some things I need to do tonight."