Turning Towards Ohio

When I was twenty years old and living in my parents' house where I was treated like their child, sneaking out to spend time with Jason seemed exciting and larger than life. Jason seemed to be brave and strong. Sex was something new and special and forbidden. I guess I was easily pleased.

But twenty years later, I could see that what I thought was passion and love and desperation coming from Jason was something else. Jason didn't give a fuck ABOUT me. He just wanted to get a fuck FROM me. He never even kissed me. And as I remember it, we didn't kiss much when we were younger either. He just got me in his beat up assed car and started grabbing my boobs. It had been the same thing in the motel this evening. And once he got what he wanted, he got up and got dressed. He couldn't wait to get away from me.

Then there was all of that bullshit he'd told me on Facebook about how he had always loved me and now I needed to be with him instead of Bob. In the first place he was married himself, a fact that he had lied about. And in the second place, somehow he had convinced me that he was better for me than my husband is, when he has never met Bob. How can he possibly know that if he's never met Bob? I had been such a fool.

Bob, on his worst day is three times the man that Jason will ever be. Even as I lay there silently crying, I thought about how Bob's face lit up every time he came home and saw me. Bob spent hours kissing me and he played my body like a God damned fiddle. I don't know what I'd been thinking. Maybe I'd just gotten bored with what I had and wanted to try something else. I already had the perfect man for me. I had a man who had loved me and supported every dream and goal I had for twenty years and I had cheated on him for a man who wasn't worth the sweat in his underpants.

I deserved to suffer for what I had done. But thinking about it, Bob didn't deserve to suffer. Bob deserved to have the perfect marriage that he had worked for over all of those years. And I was going to give it to him. From this moment forward I would be the best wife ever. From this moment forward, Bob's wish was my command. He could have anything he wanted, however he wanted it, whenever he wanted it. If Bob wanted to fuck my ass, there would be no bargaining, he could have it.

We would have a marriage that would make everyone we knew jealous. Bob would be the happiest man in our town or any other. I would make sure that Bob kept his fantasy of the perfect marriage. How would I do that? I would lie of course. I would never tell Bob anything about what had happened. I would spend the next couple of days with my parents and then fly home to be with my man.

What happened tonight would be buried in the deepest recesses of my mind. Not only would I never tell anyone, I would never even think about it again. I would bear my shame in silence, keeping my own counsel. Bob deserved that much and more.

I tried my hardest to sleep, but rest was illusive. I had all kinds of stupid, impossible dreams. I dreamed that I had never met Bob. I dreamed that he was alone and miserable. He had done well for himself and he still had a great career and that stupid Mustang of his. But his heart was empty. He cried for me every night, but he didn't know who I was or what I meant to him.

The worst part of the dream was that I had married Jason. I was fat and ugly and we had several dirty little children and we hated each other. But we were trapped together. Neither of us was willing to let the other go. We each hated the thought of the other having a better life so we went on, locked together by our shared misery.

When I woke the next morning, it wasn't by choice.

"Jane get up, we have to get moving," said my mother.

"Whah? Sleepy," I mumbled.

"We're going to a barbecue at Aunt Tilly's house," she said.

Aunt Tilly was actually my great aunt. She was the family matriarch and she ruled the family with an iron will. And by iron will, I don't mean she was strong minded. Nothing could be further from the truth. I mean the old woman had more money than Google, and if you displeased her in any way, you were out of her will.

She often interfered in the lives of the members of our entire family. She had an opinion on everyone and everything. Fortunately for me, she was happy with my choices in life, so she left me alone. She actually approved of Bob and liked him, unlike the spouses of some of my cousins. Some of them had been forced to make hard choices. A few of them were waiting for her to die to marry the people they loved, while others married anyway, knowing that they were probably cut off.

But Aunt Tilly loved Bob as if he, not me was actually her relative and I was sure that whenever hell could no longer do without her, I would get a healthy share of all of that money. With that reason in mind, I dragged myself out of bed.

Just before we left, my phone rang. I quickly answered it hoping it was Bob. I needed to hear his voice like never before.

"Sorry about last night, Babe," Jason said. I cringed just hearing his voice. "I guess there's a lot we need to talk about. I need to see you, now," he continued.

"I was nervous, yesterday. I wasn't myself. I was so keyed up that I just freaked," he crooned. His voice was soft and caressing. But I was onto him. There was no way I would fall for his shit again.

"Does your wife know that you're visiting me instead of working?" I asked sarcastically. There was nothing on the line then but silence. It was a silence that was so thick you could feel the tension in it. Theoretically, matter is anything that has form and takes up space. If that's a true, the silence on the phone existed as matter.

"I'm sorry about that," he said in words so clipped, it felt as if he had broken each syllable off from that thick, matter like silence. "I was afraid that if you knew that I, like you had chosen to have a life with the wrong person while we've been separated..."

"My husband isn't the wrong person," I said. "He loves me more than you ever could ..."

"Which means you probably don't want him to know about us, right?" he asked.

"Look, Jason," I hissed. "It's been fun catching up with you. But there is no "US." I just don't think this is going to work out. Last night was a colossal mistake. It was probably the mother of all fuck ups on my part. So have a nice life and..."

"8-6-7-5-3-0-9, right?" he asked.

"Huh?" I asked.

"That's your home phone number, right?" he asked.

"What about...?" I was getting angry, but he was angrier and he cut me off and yelled into the phone.

"I said we need to fucking talk, Jane," he screamed. "We need to work this out. So if I can't talk to you, I'll just call and talk to Bob. Does he prefer, Robert, Rob, Robbie, or just plain Bob?"

"No!" I said. "You can't talk to him!"

"Then meet me, so we can talk," he said surprisingly calmly.

"It will have to be later on, perhaps this evening," I said. "I have to go to a barbecue at my Aunt Tilly's house."

"Tilly Prentis, right?" he asked. "Perfect, I'll meet you there."

"You can't," I screamed. "You aren't invited. It's family only."

"I should be part of your family," he grumbled. "I was your first love. The two of us should have gotten married. But don't sweat it. This is good. There will be all kinds of people in that big old house of hers on Elm Street. I'll meet you there. We'll slip away and talk for a few minutes and you can go right back to the barbecue."

"Only for a few minutes," I said hanging up on him. I wondered what he thought he could accomplish by talking to me for a few minutes.

I went out to my dad's SUV and got in the back seat. All during the drive across town to Aunt Tilly's house, I thought about the fix I'd gotten myself into. I was having a long debate with myself about why lying to Bob was the right thing to do. In the end I decided that telling him would only cause him more pain. There was no reason to ruin Bob's happiness over a mistake that he would never find out about and that would never be repeated.

In fact, my stupid little episode would in the long run probably end up making our marriage stronger. I now knew how special Bob was and how great my marriage was. That one mistake had made me far more appreciative of what I have and far more determined to work to make it even better.

There were several times during the drive when my mother or my father would direct a question to me and find me too locked inside of my own head to answer.

Once we got to Aunt Tilly's house, I went around into her huge yard and sat down in a lounge chair to get some sun and wait for Jason to call me. I was determined to get him out of my life.

Aunt Tilly, as usual, had summoned almost every member of the family to her house. There were kids running around and adults talking, cooking, or doing other barbecue related activities. I was just thinking about how much better it would have been if Bob was there with me, when my phone rang.

Actually I knew about a second before the phone rang because I could hear the sound of that same shitty car driving down the street.

"Hey, doll, I'm here," said Jason.

"I'll be out as soon as I can slip away," I said. "I can't really leave the premises and I can't be gone for very long."

"I thought the main reason you came back here was to spend some time with me," he said angrily.

"Calm down, Jason," I said. "I'll be right out." I looked around and saw what everyone in the yard was doing. No one was paying me any attention, or so I thought. So I slipped between Aunt Tilly's house and the house next door. The area was thick with trees and there was a high fence so the neighbors couldn't see into my paranoid Great Aunt's yard.

I spotted Jason's crappy car and waved to him. He got out of the car and quickly ran to where I was. We ducked between the houses together. I thought it was a good idea. I didn't want to be seen with him.

"Wow, good place to hide and talk," he said. Then he leaned over and tried to kiss me. I avoided his kiss. He looked hurt.

"Why do you need to hide?" I asked.

"Because ... well there are a few people on this town who just don't like me," he said. "They still see me as being that wild, sexy, untamed, guy that I was when we were together."

Even as he said that he reached for me.

"Jason what are you doing?" I asked.

"The same thing we always do," he said. "You could co-operate a little. You enjoy it as much as I do. Why do you always have to play hard to get. That shit always got on my nerves when we were young. I loved you like crazy. I never got enough of you."

It was extremely flattering to hear him say that, but it told me something about us. Our whole relationship had been about Jason flattering me and trying to fuck me. The flattery made me feel good and inflamed my libido, which led to the sex. But that was all we had. It was all we had ever been. Jason had never taken care of me when I was sick. He had never saved every spare dollar he could to buy me some silly thing that I didn't need, yet had to have. Only Bob had.

Jason had never massaged my muscles when they were sore. He had never put up with me when I was being a bitch during my period and still told me that he loved me. He had never cleaned me up and kissed me after I had vomited.

And of course Jason could appear cool and mysterious. I only saw him for an hour or so at a time, when we were dating. Jason and I had never spent days on end together and gotten to know the best and worst of each other. I had never gotten angry at him for shaving and leaving those tiny hairs in the fucking sink right after I cleaned the bathroom. I had never gotten angry at him for leaving the toilet seat up.

Jason and I had never spent enough time with each other to get to know each other's strengths and weaknesses. Jason wasn't a real person to me like Bob was.

He pulled me out of my thoughts then. I felt his hands under my skirt.

"Jane why are you wearing panties?" he asked.

"I'm not some whore, Jason," I said. "I always wear panties. I thought we were going to talk about things."

"We'll talk later," he said. He pulled my panties down and I grabbed his wrist.

"Jason, if we do this, I have your word that you will never call my husband or try to contact me again, right?" I asked.

"Whatever," he said.

I let go of his hand and allowed him to pull my panties down my legs. I leaned back against the house and allowed him to step between my legs.

I just leaned there like a statue. I let him do it, but it didn't mean that I had to participate. The fact that I wasn't wet didn't deter him. He spit into his hand, and rubbed it on both of us and then started working his dick into me.

I concentrated on what I was going to do to make my marriage better. This was the first stop. This would get Jason off of my back in the short term. In the long term, I would delete my Facebook page as soon as I got to a computer. Then I would tell Bob one last lie. I would tell him that I lost my cell phone. I don't know how Jason, got our home number. I probably gave it to him before things got out of hand. But as soon as possible, I would have the number changed. While waiting for the number to be changed I'd just block Jason's number.

I was thinking about all of that while he jumped away at me. I looked into his eyes and felt really stupid. There was no love there for me. After all of my fantasizing, after all the ways I had compared him to the man I married, I finally realized that he was just using me.

He slammed his pelvis against mine harder and harder. Each stroke almost knocked my breath out of me. But it didn't feel sexy. It didn't feel romantic at all. It just felt like he was using me and I wanted it over with.

"Hurry up, Jason," I said.

"Oh you, like that huh, Baby?" he asked. His smirk told me that he thought he was ringing my chimes.

But suddenly things got worse.

"What the fuck is going on!" screamed my eighty year old aunt.

"Jane, why are you fucking some scumbag on the side of my house?" she screamed. Jason looked at her in shock. His dick wilted so quickly it felt like it was sucked out of me by the vacuum of space. He looked her dead in the eye and his jaw dropped.

"Is that Jason Vorhees?" asked Aunt Tilly. "Your wife is not going to be happy about this. Why that poor woman married you after you got out of jail is beyond me. And you Jane; is this why you left my nephew at home? You came by yourself so you could whore around, right?"

Aunt Tilly's screeching voice had brought a lot of other people to the side of the house. Jason pulled up his pants and took off running. But it was too late for me.

"You'd better run, Asshole," she screamed. "But it won't do you any good. I'll have the Sheriff after you as soon as I get to a phone."

Jason jumped into his car and went ... nowhere. We all heard the starter whine, but the engine refused to catch. He tried over and over to start it and finally got out of the car and took off running down the street. He gave Aunt Tilly an angry look as he ran back past the house.

My dad pushed his way through the group of cousins and related family members who surrounded Aunt Tilly and me.

"Jane, Honey, what's going on?" he asked.

"Your daughter was whoring herself out on the side of my God damned house," said Aunt Tilly. She took a big puff on the cigarette she was holding.

"Tilly you aren't supposed to be smoking," said my dad.

"If I hadn't been, your daughter might have gotten away with selling her ass on the side of my house like it was a street corner in Detroit," cackled Ain't Tilly.

"Tilly, you have to be mistaken," said my mom.

"Mistaken, my ass," said Aunt Tilly. "My body may be getting old, but my mind and my eyes are still sharp. I even know who she was screwing. It was that no account Jason Vorhees."

My mom and Dad rolled their eyes.

"Jason may not have become much, but he defended our country," I said. "He's a veteran. He deserves some degree of respect."

"A veteran of the penitentiary," cackled Aunt Tilly. "Boy, are you stupid. I guess it's not your fault. Your father and I each got different amounts of genes. His side of the family got the looks. My side got the brains."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Honey we should have told you a long time ago. It just didn't seem necessary. You'd moved away and seemed to have a great life..." began my dad.

"Dad, talk," I said.

"Honey just before you moved away, Jason and a couple of his friends were arrested for burglary. He gave you that story about going into the army because he was ashamed. By the time he got out of jail you had moved out of town and moved on.

"Yada yada yada and now he has a big fat wife and three ugly assed kids. It doesn't change anything," said Ain't Tilly. "Get out of my house. I don't want to have the family whore turning my stomach every time I spot her."

"Hold on Tilly," said my dad. "You can't just throw Jane out like she was garbage. She's my daughter. I'm sure there's an explanation for this."

"Bert, I'm proud of you," she said. "You stuck up for your child, whore or not. That takes balls. You can go with her. And when I die, you can spend all of your time playing with those balls because you won't be playing with any of my money."

"Buh-buh-buh, Aunt Tilleeeeeee!" whined my dad.

"Your impression of a motor boat was better when you were a child," said Aunt Tilly. "Now take that strumpet and Git! The both of you." My mother drew in a breath as if she was going to say something.

Aunt Tilly's ancient head snapped around like that little girl in the exorcist. Her eyes locked on my mother as if they were radar controlled.

"Where you about to add anything?" asked Aunt Tilly imperiously.

"No, Aunt Tilly," said my mom.

"Smart girl," said Aunt Tilly. Then she turned her head back towards my dad and I. "Why the hell are you two still here?"

* * * * * *

Bob

I don't know what I expected. I was supposed to be gone for three days. My plan hadn't actually gone any further than pretending that I was going out of town while I waited for Rick to tell me what had happened.

I guess I was hoping that he would tell me that nothing had happened. I hoped that he would tell me that she had gone there, gotten cold feet, and had stayed at her parent's house for the past twenty four hours. I guess I hoped that twenty years of marriage actually meant something.

But now, faced with what Rick had emailed and texted to me, I was in shock. I really didn't know what to do. I was too hurt to cry. I just stood there in the motel room I had rented, staring at the wall, while the lump in my throat grew bigger and bigger.

When I had seen the pictures of her kissing him and letting him feel her up at the airport, I had been angered. The video of her having sex with him in the motel room had ended my marriage. But the latest video clip of him fucking her on the side of her Aunt Tilly's house just made me want to throw up.

The sex in the motel made it clear what was going on. But when her hips started to move in concert with his, as they fucked beside her aunt's house and she told him to hurry up, I remembered her using the same words with me. It had been nineteen years ago, a year after we married. It was during her most fertile time and she had been begging me to drop a load in her so we could have a baby. Ever since then, when she's really enjoying sex, she always says, "hurry up." It's to remind me of that special time. After hearing her tell that asshole to hurry up, it no longer seems to be as special.

As if in a daze, I leave the motel and drive home. I begin packing everything that means anything to me. I pack all of my work clothes and most of the clothing I like. Everything that I can't, don't, or shouldn't want anymore is moved into my closet near the door.