All Comments on 'Twenty Four Hours'

Bad plot, worst characters...This is a self-praise text, about his dream about living in a single mother's apartment block all of them fucking for money or cigarettes...the ones not being single were whores fucking for nothing (like his best friend's wife)...In his dreams he also saw himself as the loan shark of the block...But as he came home in a uniform, he should be a porter in some low life bar. Of course all this was 95% bullshit and no one believed it! 1*

If its not a sick fetish B.T.B story most readers will hate the story.You need to beat up a woman in order to get good comments here.

I have enjoyed your other submissions and feel that this one was a little weak in comparison. As a previous commenter suggested this was perhaps a bit boastful. In your other stories you are more shocked at the advances or actions of the women in them and almost quite reserved. Possibly once you are relaxed you are more assertive but your writing style doesn't really suit a more aggressive lead. Certainly not the worst story on here but you need to adjust your writing style to suit your personality better. Aggression doesn't come naturally to you. From my experience as a lift engineer working in countless tower blocks these things do happen and these women do exist. In isolation each encounter could have happened and maybe you should have simply concentrated on one of them not all of them. In conclusion, leave this type of story to other writers and develop the style you used in your other submissions. I would guess that in the right situation ALL of the individual encounters could have happened but not in a single day. 5/10 for a damn good try at this genre but stick to what you know as it is more erotic.

This alone earns your character negative scores.

I guess there really are people who live like that but I’m glad I’m not one of them.

Don’t know how this is in LW? Character is a (POS) opportunist that takes advantage of his best friend and anyone else he can.

Watch the BBC (opps! That's British Broadcasting Company, this time) documentary on the origins and history of the British Crown. It was boring, but illuminating. The pedigree of the British ruling class is different from that of any number of Banana Republic and African Tribal cultures by only one feature, the color of their skin. Murder, oppression, tyranny, greed, promiscuity, ego-mania, its all about the same. The decency and generosity of the average British people is entirely organic, maybe even miraculous, given what they have had for examples from their leaders over thousands of years.

So this bloke is just channeling any number of self-anointed British thugs, taking what they can get, when they can get it, and fuck all who gets hurt or destroyed. After all, he'd be a fool to let morals or ethics get in the way of a piece of ass. At certain levels of their sick society, its the British Way.

That plus you would happily fuck your best friends wife because you had a job and he didn't gives this a one star rating.

You totally killed my erection.

Is this garbage story for real or the writer has some kind of mental illness!

This story lacks of creativity, nonsense, shallow, low context and pure lame.

What waste of time reading this trash. There was nothing sexy, erotic or entertaining about this stupid garbage.

The writer is more interested in describing big cocks and lots of cum rather than his STD cunt wife.....so perhaps the writer enjoys cocks and pretend his is a wimp pathetic husband.

1* for such nonsense and bad written story.

You are quite right! It was a poor story. I will take the constructive and not so constructive criticism and try and improve.

It was perhaps an attempt at a more shocking, hard core story that failed miserably. For that I can only apologise.

The writer took 5 minutes from my life!....what waste of time!

1* for this wimp story.

I could well imagine some parts of this situation, but not all of it at the same time. If you don't know that women without money whore themselves for cash and cigarettes you have led a very sheltered life.

Nothing likeable in this story or the characters within it.

as they are just sluts for cash or favors. Love when women are objectified. Just holes needing spermed. Good on ya mate.

Loved it. Cannot wait to see what happens next. Please continue~

Unfortunately for Jamie, Tom did return home early, and brought a few of the other husbands with him. Jamie was found with what, from the damage to his bowels, appeared to have been a red hot poker shoved up his arse. A was of dirty money was shoved down his throat. Authorities have not determined the cause of death.