by Deisel50
loving approach to sex as a woman would tell it and a man and a man would relish it ...... not raunchy
Loved the first installment Deisel50 I can't wait for the follow up.Keep up the work.
I came six times wanking to this story. Then I fucked my sister after she read it, and I filled her cunt with baby batter. She loves my white sauce, and we're going to have a baby now.
i see we still have no second chapter from this lazy writer even though he has been on the site this year. time to do one of three things
1) finish the damn story
2) get aghost writer to finish it for you
3) last resort delete the story and never write again
your choice but man up and do something
learn the difference between ass and pussy. if she is sitting on him and facing him his cock would be in the crack of her pussy not ass. only two ways it could be in the crack of her ass 1)she is laying on top of him on her back or 2) he is nude and his cock is sticking up in the air. time for you to go back to school and also time for a rewrite and a GOOD EDITOR.
you want contructive critisism here goes
1) always use a good editor
2) always put it in the proper catagory this was fine unlike others
3) ALWAYS FINISH WHAT YOU START NEVER LEAVE THE READERS HANGING
4)always keep it somewhat realistic and believable NO FANTASIES UNLESS IT IS IN THAT CATAGORY this one was fine
over all it was good but nowhere near finished so start writing NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shes a stick and there wasnt much in da story except licking and sucking.
write more, you can't just leave off there.
If you don't this story will suck majorly.
good start but i will only give it a 25% because i my experience 90%of the writers on this site never finish thier stories if you finish and do so in a short time and give it a good endding then i will give a higher rating
A beautiful love-story at its beginning , please write more of it.