All Comments on 'Twisted Payback Ch. 04'

To many plot holes to make this effort plausible.

Make a alternate ending were he leaves Beth. I think that be just as good as this ending

I'm betting those who were caught up in the suffering of your main character, which went on and on and on in the early chapters, were stunned by the quick resolution with limited or no impact on the two main protagonists. It's a lot of windup for very little payoff. And the relative clarity of the first chapter, which deepened with Steve's involvement, became muddied with successive chapters.

I see now why your stories are lowly rated. Lacked originality. Lacked compelling writing. The characters are disgusting and without a decent person to identify with, in the end, I didn't care what happened. And after that ending, I'm not sure what happened. What a mess.

Same story. Different title.

It gave a good explanation of what happened to Beth, why he fucked Gina, and why Beth suddenly went crazy with revenge. No doubt that Beth had been told over and over that her hubby had done her wrong. With constant doses of this (hopefully fake) drug it would be unrealistic for Beth to suddenly want to go back to hubby. I know this is the last in the series but can't help thinking about the future for these characters. I feel sorry for the husband, he's got a long road ahead rehabilitating his wife. Hopefully when she gets nearer normal she'll be a very experienced and knowledgeable lover for him.

I know how hard it sometimes is to find a good way to end a series, I've certainly botched one, and have written and rewritten ends on another two and still haven't come up with a good ending that I want to post. It's hard to do and I think this author did a good job of it for this story.

5 stars. And I hope the author keeps writing more and more.

A very interesting and brutal story of rape, prostitution, imprisonment, drug addiction, violence etc.

Of course in this story the husband is the one to pick up the pieces and rehabilitate his wife.

Even though she was drugged she will have flash backs !

One course of action not covered in the story was for the husband to adopt the same drug programme on his wife. To infuse her craving and dependance on him the same way Steve used the drug on Beth.

In this case strong / tough love to resolve the train wreck on this marriage.

Then I read the author was British made perfect sense I'm never read a good British writer yet on the site all are cuckold femboys, explains a lot about the males in England, tsk tsk a country of cuckold writers

What is wrong with you ? ? ?

what a weak ass ending

Enough said

i like the fact that there's no epilog. anything past this point would be a disappointment, no matter which way you went with it.

i also like the fact you wrote the wife's story in the third person. my biggest bitch to (male) authors here is trying to write from a woman's perspective. my second biggest is having multiple first person narratives in the same short story.

this story should be promoted in the forums as an example to authors. gj, man.

It couldn't have been any worse. You leave the asshole Steve running around naked in the country. What happened to him? You give poor Gina some money and send her off without much of an explanation and just expect her to be okay? And what exactly is he going to try and explain to Beth? Who has supposedly been on the drug a long time. Their marriage is in ruins, he has hit his wife so hard she will certainly have visible damage to show the Police. What is he going to tell them? This was a complete clusterfuck. I can't believe I hung in and read the whole thing. At LEAST I found it after it had all been posted and I didn't have to wait the many months it took you to post the 4 chapters. What a complete waste of time.

Anonymous, you read the first part and complained. You read the second part and complained.

Need I continue? Why the fuck do you bother reading? more to the point why bother commenting? You serve no purpose, just go away. This is fiction, if you can't tell the difference go see a shrink.

you really could have added another to explain what happened to for one Beth and Gina and how it all turned out and everything else. all-in-all it was a story worth reading. but I think that I'm not the only reader that would like to see you write another chapter to let us know what the hell happened in the end top everyone.

So Mr. author,because you say this is "fiction",it therefore should be thought of differently than the complete and utter trash it is? Give me a fuckin' break! And you had to stretch this crap into 4 separate parts? A good writer could have handled this limited "fantasy" in three pages,total. Don't insult readers' comments when all they're doing is stating the truth.That truth being,they know horseshit when they read it. ~ This story was disgusting,and you stretched artistic license well beyond the realm of acceptable! (It being Fiction being NO EXCUSE!) ~ (And if you're tempted to respond to my comments the way you did to others, I'll just remind you of an appropriate saying that I recall from my youth,"Sticks and stones might break my bones,but you are one big asshole!" - Now there's artist license for you!)

Hiya goodhue, thanks for your comments. I always think that the sign of a good story is if I'm interested enough to finish it, well it appears that you were eager to finish mine?

The thing about fiction is that you can write anything and nobody can say you're wrong. Who's to say what's real? Anyway thanks for your comments, an old saying is " there's no such thing as bad publicity," so please read and comment on my other stories :))

Btw, you didn't actually say what you thought was wrong, if you like you can comment again or write me direct, I promise I won't bite. But at least I'm thankful that you put a name to what you wrote.

Husband should have kicked his wife's ass. Wimp

I felt that the ending really wasn't an ending at all. Steve is running around out in the woods naked with a cage on his cock. What happened to him? Did he leave forever or go back and bury the dumbass? Was Gina able to overcome her fear and live a good life or was she always worried? And did Beth wake up, pack and leave him? It seems she was very angry with him and completely in Steve's control. What makes him think that she would stay with him under any circumstances? Anyway - after all that happened your ending really left most questions up in the air. Maybe a good editor could have helped cut out the unnecessary stuff and helped you write a decent or at least, believable ending. As it sits, this was just awful and a waste of time to read.

I liked it but you really should have added another chapter. you really phoned in this one. Honestly if you'd just slowed down and more carefully considered the plot it could've been a fetish erotic classic.

I mean the husband seems like a nice guy and he let Steve go to continue taking victims and continuing his trade elsewhere.

In fact if you're still out there you could re-write it and I'll help you edit.

Or maybe just give me permission to re-write it if you really can't be bothered.

No fuckin' way after what happened that he can go back to his cunt wife! He should tie every fucking character in this 4-Part piece of literary horseshit up in his house,pour gasoline over everything and everyone,including himself,and fire up a blowtorch! ~ Burn,baby burn!

PS ~ Even though I'd read and commented on this awhile back,I couldn't resist wading through it again. The fact that it stirs me up with distaste so much gives it that ick appeal.Nothing quite like watching a train-wreck!

The "action" was way to over the top for me -- but I'll pass over that as all people have different tastes -- although I will say it can become numbing -- the violence, that is.

Nevertheless, I thought this was very good -- in fact I think with a rewrite it could make a good short movie. I'd ease up on the sex and add more plot development details though.

I write songs -- the easiest thing to do is to start a piece of music. The hardest thing to do is to finish it in a way that makes sense to all that has occurred previously. Wrapping all your strands together in a nice ending is difficult. I think you made a good effort though, I think it needs a bit more and it could be very very good! It's really a nicely executed story!

On a more minor note -- you may want to take out a couple of the British-isms -- I had to look up "taking the piss" for example. But I suppose that was about all I had to look up ("arse" I figured out on my own ;-), so it translated pretty well actually.

Lastly -- ignore rude commenters -- they neither hurt nor help you, they're just an irritation -- like mosquitos.

Please refer to my comment on chapter two.

So, it was so bad you just had to keep reading. Methinks maybe I touched a nerve somewhere.

Anyway, as they say: any publicity is good publicity.

.... erotic, but the ending was a real disappointment. Still five stars. Would love to see a follow up epilogue.

It was good and I liked the Beth story part really gave an in depth as to what was the real story.

5 Stars

Thanks anony for your insightful comments, yeah okay I'm joking :)) I'm sure you couldn't string a sensible sentence together if your life depended on it.

You obviously didn't enjoy your read? Could it be a little close to home? Whatever, it didn't stop you reading three, yes three more parts.

And just a little info, no I'm not a sissy, I'm not a cuckold and I have a fair size cock. I write in the hope that others might enjoy my fantasies, I only ask for honest reaction and certain trolls to be brave enough to put a name to their childish remarks.

Anyway, thanks again, as they say "there's no such thing as bad publicity."

Okay anony, it's pretty obvious that your single brain cell isn't working. I'm nobodies enemy, and as far as I know I don't have any. Clearly you have some social issues, but contrary to what you believe I do know how to deal with "enemies"

Bye bye :))

you were far to easy on steve, if this was my wife and I found out what he did to her, he would have disappeared for good, aside what his wife did to him, I would have beat steve until he could not have walked anymore, but as I have said this is just my opinion

All the (I assume) men who are angry that the "cunt" cheating-whore wife wasn't punished seem more upset that the wife's vagina was tainted by another man than the fact that she was forced. Steve repeatedly drugged and raped Beth. Just like he did to the husband. Beth's ordeal was much worse, though. When drugs weren't directly used, blackmail and conditioning (using the drugs' influence) kept Beth doing Steve's bidding. Does being forced not matter to them?

Were they so enraged by the "cheating" that they missed the part about the drugs and force? Difficult story to read and I'd like to think that Steve got all he had coming to him, but short of sending him off to an Eastern European sex trafficker with a bullseye tattoed on his ass, he probably got off too easy.

The last few lines about how he only did this to women who wanted to sleep with him was one of those nice little zingers at the end of a story that makes the reader question and wonder about what the truth really is. Just because someone wants to sleep with another person, it doesn't necessarily mean that they ever would. Being attracted to someone is vastly different from acting on it.

Do the complainers not understand this or don't they care?

I really couldn't call any of this erotic. Women drugged, raped and beaten by a sadistic sociopath. It was nice to see Steve get a little of what was coming to him, though I feel he got off lightly. It would've been nice to see Georgia get a bit of payback as well, because she's scarcely less vile than Steve. As for all the "burn the bitch" replies I see here, I have to laugh. What a pathetic bunch of bottom feeders. I guess they're really upset because somehow Beth didn't end up "happy" in her role of plaything to her pimp. Either that or she didn't end up dead because "how dare she let herself be drugged and taken advantage of?" Menawhile John was just as guilty, but because John's a man and these BTB cheerleaders are invariably misogynists, he doesn't inflame their juvenile rage.

Anyway, even if the story itself lacked any eroticism and the treatment of the characters was gruesomely repugnant, I gave it 3 stars because it was well written. Horrible subject matter, but very well written.

Steve had destroyed lives as badly as if he had killed them. He should have been at least damaged in a permanent way. If I were John, Steve would be dead. Letting him go just ensures more women will be destroyed in the future just in a different town.

Just re-read it and it's as good as it was the first time.

Thank you for ending it this way - great. I rated 4/5.

Anony, the story was so bad but you had to read all four chapters...again? And just for the record I am not and never have been a cuckold. And what size has to do with it I fail to understand??

Why would he even WANT to stay with Beth? That makes absolutely no sense. Dumping Steve out in a field does nothing for me either. He'll be back. Who knows what will happen to any of them when he returns. The unfinished aspects of this ruined any chance that the story might have had to be entertaining. Neither sexy or erotic and with thoroughly unlikable characters there was just nothing to like about it and it's getting the poor scores it deserves.

1 star

Totally unjustified. He should have just cut Steve's cock and balls off while he was asleep and fed them to him. And let Beth watch him do it. Then play the tape of what actually happened. Then just disappear. Steve won;t be able to do anything anymore.

Still a good enough story to get you reading to the end?

Only if i read the whole crap I comment it!! Thats only fair!!! But crap remains crap believe it or not!!!

The ending very much depends on Gina appearing & help. I would suggest he can somehow get himself free, & then revenge totally.

In the end he should nearly kill Steve, at least disable him permanently.

And maybe no hope for Gina either. Do I feel sorry for them? Yes. But they display severe symptoms of PTSD. Nothing can be done for them. Love the person they once were. But thanks to Steve and Georgia...Beth was as good as dead. The jury is still out on Gina. And if there is any justice in this world, Steve will die of a combination of shock, starvation, and dehydration.

His revenge on Steve was not enough. Steve would just elsewhere and do thebsame thing again. Should have slit his throat and dumped in a foxhole and filled it in. No one would find for years if ever. He needed to commit Beth to a physiatric hospital for treatment and during that time prepare the divorce. Once she was able to function again help her get resettled and follow through with the divorce. Time then to move on.

this story isn't finished.

we don't know what happened to steve, gina or john and beth.

needs one more chapter

I would have done what i had to to get the cage off. Then i would have got a gun, shot her in both knees, both elbows, and when she finally quit screaming, cut off both of her tits. Then when she quit screaming that time, i would have shot her in the head. Ten times.

I Hope that this Story gets the ending it needs .. I would have taken care of Steve .. I would also go looking for everyone that had touched Beth .. I am that kind of guy ..I Would not Share with anyone the Fantastic Wife I now have .. Her ex and My Ex had 1 thing in Common .. Both were Cheaters .. But We did send them an invitation to Our Wedding

My ex-wife had a craving for black cock. If she can be believed, she had over 50 black lovers while I was away in the military. Now that we are divorced, she seems to.be very sorry for the way she treated me. But she is deathly afraid of me to this day.

If you go to the trouble of creating characters, they deserve to be fleshed out completely. This story has no plot only action and poor action at that.

The first moment he was free he should have overcome her, restrained her and then tortured her for the keys, control and code to the chastity device.

After that the slow destruction of the pimp would be the hobby.

Steve comes back for revenge now. A person with this mindset doesn’t walk away. And a fight would have happened in the woods.

Next chapter there would have been a dead body or severely broken body. I like the premise though.

Some periods of excellent writing and story telling that turned lazy at the end in my opinion.

What's most disappointing is the author's petty responses to those readers who dared provide the objective reviews he claimed to desire.

Yes, some people read the whole thing and then trashed it. The author's claims that by reading every word we must in fact love what we read, is naive and delusional.

Maybe we liked the beginning and hoped your form would return. Maybe we like certain aspects of the story. Who knows why? I do know that by rejecting and ridiculing criticism, you'll never get better. Go ahead, rip apart my assessment. All that means is that you read my whole review. That means you loved it. Right? Or did I strike a nerve.

The story was good but the end was a little flat. Could have had a bit more drams in it with Beth Steve and John jealousy and how Beth was initially told and how he could help her subdue John?

Hi Jon it's Ken. Just finished this story is absolutely fantastic. Please keep writing. Your stories always strike the perfect balance of content

Just lousy. Not really an ending. And the bulk of the writing was disjointed and confusing.

Meh, bland and dull

Well, the ending was too flat and short. We find that Steve drugged Beth and made her do a lot of perverted things. What we don't get is closure. Yeah Steve was taken out but we don't know what kind of struggles he had after getting beaten in the field. How long did he take before the timer went off? Did he find the shocker? How many times did he get shocked? How much time did it take before Beth was clear headed and able to understand what happened to her? Did she recover and recognize her husband? How long did she actually have sex with Steve before all of the crap with Gina happened? A lot of unanswered questions as the ending was too brief that it seems the author lost interest in the story.

Fkn lame ending. Almost like the husband enjoyed the treatment. But it opens up the door for a sequel i guess where the fkr steve returns

For what he did, Steve needs to die.

Me, I'd have taken him to the field in the story, poured some gasoline on him, and lit him up like a torch.

Give him a foretaste of Hell.

As for the wife, dose her up and drop her off in the worst part of town.

If she dies, she dies.

Yes. The ending was a lot left. I would hope you come back with more of what happened after time. I loved the story just lost it at the end.

For what Beth and Steve did to him…this was a horrible ending. Beth quit being his wife in the first of the four stories and the two of them deserved much worse.