All Comments on 'Uncle Dave's Midlife Crisis Ch. 04'

Ok, so you've managed to get the priority lesson of all good writers, which is show the reader, don't tell the reader, but I suspect your word processor was used to correct some basic word shifts, and managed to replace we with they in many cases... This leads to tense shifts, and throws the reader out of the story.

Nice plot, fun characters, and some pretty well written scenes, I thought it was pretty hot, and since it was my first installment, I'm gonna have to go back and catch up with the previous work...

7.5 out of 10 for this one...

thanks.

What's up with the 3rd person crap. Absolutely destroys what could have been a good story.

Who are you writing about? Is Dave the narrator or a character? This is even worse than "There,They're and Their". Have you ever heard of an outline? It might help you be coherent in the future.

that 1 was so crap a almost fell asleep it was that bad who wrote it the dog???

was kinda hard to read, main reason being that almost everytime you ment to say "we" you said "they" and when you ment to say "he" you said "I" or "my" plz reread your story and correct mistakes.

I agree w/ the earlier person. Using spell check does not constitute editing. In addition to using Search and Replace to change 'we' to 'they' for some bizzare reason, your inablity to apply quotation marks consistently, and not seeming to understand what a paragraph is made it painful to try to read. There is also the annoying habit of repeating almost identical information in the following paragraph.

I hope you eventually learn how to stick w/ one point of view and find a good editior. You've once again ruined what could have been a very good story.

Using the wrong word - even it is spelt correctly doesn't constitute good editing. A good story could be so much better.

using the words "they or they'll" where "we or we'll" should be used got really confusing!!!

A good read but not up to your the grammatical standard of your previous posts. The use of "they" instead of "we" or him " instead of "me" etc. is very distracting to a reader. Need to get your editor back on the job