All Comments on 'Unextpected Change.. Pt. 03'

While the subject of your story was interesting, I found your story hard to read. The further into the story the more irratic your writing became with frequent changes of perspective and the wrong words being used, something a spell checker would not flag. For example using the word 'bond' when you meant 'blond'. Both words are real words so spelling checkers will not flag the incorrect word.

The changes in perspective are when in one paragraph of is 'I did this' and the next paragraph it is ' you did that' . Personally I dislike the stories that use ' you did this' to describe the action. If you want to use first person (example 'I walked over to Sue') and third person (example ' Billy kissed Betty) so that all the action is from the point of view of an invisible observer then that works well.

Finally everytime a different character speaks a new paragraph should be started. It doesn't matter if the paragraph is as short as, "I agree." Still start a fresh paragraph. To help the reader keep track of who is saying what every few paragraphs include a '...Billie said' or 'Laughing nervously Sharon added, "You can't really expect me to strip here with all these people watching."

It is hard to read your own writing and spot these issues. You know who is saying what so leaving clues for the reader is only a courtesy. The more your reader has to pull their focus off of following the story to try to decipher who is doing or saying what the less enjoyable reading the story becomes. If you can find someone to proofread your story, they can guide you over the rocks in the flow of your writing.

Know what’s a great indicator of story quality?

A misspelled title. Repeated multiple times without correction.

Typos in summaries are also good indicators.

Just... try?

interesting and long comet thank you, yet it wasn't edited by a second person because I don't know of any one. And the extra t in the title is on purpose.