Warmth Pt. 03

"Will it shorten his lifespan?"

"I don't think so. My estimate is that he's nineteen or twenty years of age. He seems to have developed normally in that time."

I nodded. "Thanks for everything, doctor."

It wasn't ideal, but I had predicted much worse from the results. I was happy during the drive home.

XIX

At the beginning of April, I heard about an opportunity that was way too good to pass up. I have a small baseball stadium in my town, and they were hosting an event that got my attention. It was a normal game, but they would let all the spectators bring their dogs with them if they wanted. I could care less about baseball, but it sounded absolutely perfect for Pine. James was busy that night, but I knew that he wouldn't want that to keep Pine and I from it. I was really excited. Pine loved the hell out of going to the dog park, but we would only go if James was there with his dogs. I knew that the regulars at the dog park weren't judgmental, they just saw us as enthusiastic friends of James. Still, I didn't like the thought of using James to reach an end, even if he didn't mind it.

This was something different. It's not like everybody was expected to bring a dog, so nobody would care if we went. Okay, maybe nobody would have cared anyway, but I wanted to play it safe.

That evening, we went to the stadium and saw hundreds of dogs. Pine nearly exploded. I had bought us seats at the grassed area behind the outfield, which weren't practical if you wanted to watch the game, but perfect for the occasion. We had to find a spot to sit, but I spent most of the time making sure Pine didn't run off every two seconds. I needed to get us some food, so I told Pine to stay with my most authoritative tone. Thankfully he did stay, he just bounced in place grinning like a child.

I came back with hot dogs and popcorn. After we both finished eating, a woman with a gigantic golden retriever sat down in the spot next to us. I had to grab Pine by the shirt collar.

"Excuse me, ma'am," I said. "He really likes dogs; can he say hi to yours?"

She nodded, and I let Pine have his fun. The dog was so big that within seconds Pine was on the ground, laying on his back as the dog furiously sniffed and licked his face. It made me laugh a little to watch.

I turned to her and stuck out my hand. "Hi. I'm Zach, and that's Pine over there under your dog."

She shook my hand. "I'm Elle, and that's Mason."

We both looked at Mason and Pine go at it a little more. It wasn't quite as intense as when Pine played with Comet, but it was close. After a bit I pulled Pine away and sat him down again.

Maybe twenty minutes later I grabbed his hand and walked with him around the entire stadium. There were so many dogs everywhere that I stopped asking permission on Pine's behalf after a few. Nobody cared. They wouldn't have brought their dogs if they didn't want strangers petting them. Most people are much more laid back than my anxiety tells me they are. Altogether the entire trip took almost an hour. Pine didn't get tired of all the excitement, if anything he got more enthusiastic as we continued. I for one was completely worn out by the end of it. Before we sat back down at our spot I got us ice cream. Pine made a huge mess all over his face and I had to clean it up with a napkin.

Elle wasn't there, she was probably taking Mason for a walk, too. A few minutes later Pine saw them approach and ran over to them. By the time I caught up with him I was so fed up that I grabbed him by the ear and dragged him back to our spot. When Elle sat down too I apologized.

"Don't worry about it," she told me. "He's sweet."

"Yeah, but sometimes I think he's a little too sweet for his own good."

She laughed. Mason ambled up to me and I stroked his face lightly. "You might have the biggest dog I've ever seen."

Elle nodded. "I get that a lot. He could be an attack dog if he wasn't so lazy."

About two thirds of the way through the game everything must have finally caught up with Pine, because he just up and decided to take a nap, curling up on the grass and laying his head on my leg. He spent most of the remaining game sleeping on my lap, which I didn't mind. I loved seeing Pine that happy, but it was also exhausting. I had brought a book to read, but I actually spent most of my time talking to Elle.

I'm normally not good with striking up a conversation with strangers, but Elle was really easy to talk to. It didn't feel like forced small talk at all. There was a little bit of everything in that conversation: shows, books, music. We seemed to have similar tastes in most of them. At some point I started noticing that she was really pretty. She had chocolate-brown skin and beautiful dark eyes. It wasn't just her appearance, either. She also had a confidence, a bluntness to her that I liked. I was starting to get a feeling that I hadn't had in over a year. I had no clue what her relationship status was, but I got the impression that she was single, too.

Time seemed to fly by and the game was over way too soon. When I saw Elle gathering her things to leave I panicked. I didn't want this to end yet.

"Elle?" I said.

She looked up.

Usually I'm awkward as hell talking to women that I was attracted to. I don't have a lot of confidence, but I already knew that I needed to push myself out of my comfort zone more often. I tried my best to throw caution to the wind.

"I really liked talking with you. Do you think I can have your number?"

She gave me a weird look I couldn't read. "Why?"

That was a response I was not expecting. Still, Elle doesn't beat around the bush, so I figured I shouldn't either.

"I was thinking the two of us could meet up for dinner sometime."

She kept looking at me like I was speaking in tongues or something. Maybe she wanted me to spell it out.

"I would love to go out with you."

Now she just looked even more confused. I was starting to get annoyed. I had no idea what she wanted from me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked testily.

She blinked a couple times. "Either that or I've been misreading the situation this whole time."

"What you mean?"

She pointed. "Isn't that your boyfriend right there?"

I turned around to just see Pine. Suddenly I understood and started laughing. It began as a nervous laugh, something to ease the tension, but a few seconds later I saw the funny side of it all and was laughing for real, mostly at myself. It was a lack of self-awareness that was ridiculous. Of course that's what she thought. That's probably what everybody thought! I had held his hand and cleaned his face with a napkin and even let him take a nap on my crotch! How could I possibly be so stupid?

After about ten seconds of laughing I could see that I was weirding her out and forced myself to stop.

"No, he's not my boyfriend, I promise. I wasn't lying when I said I had a great time tonight, either." I dug into my pocket and pulled out my phone. "Please take a chance with me."

She was taken aback, but agreed and we exchanged numbers.

I laughed on and off for the whole ride home. Mostly it was from the realization that I would likely never be able to convince any girl that Pine wasn't my significant other. How could I? I had to spend a whole hour convincing myself that Pine wasn't my boyfriend back on New Year's Eve! My situation was so perfectly wrong that I had to laugh at it.

Pine didn't help matters. He seemed to think I was laughing because I was happy about something. He nuzzled me a few times because of that, and it made me laugh even harder.

Everything we did that night was a reminder of how clueless I was. I gave Pine a shower, washing the dirt off of his naked body with my bare hands and I was in hysterics. When I got in bed with him I had to laugh or else I would start crying. It's not like I never thought about how the two of us came across. I was completely aware of the fact that all my neighbors thought that I was gay with Pine and I didn't care, but it's not like I could just ignore everybody forever.

I enjoyed myself when I was talking with Elle. It made me realize that almost 100% of my life had been taken up by Pine. I love him, but it was nice to just be me for a bit. It felt so good to have a conversation exactly like one that I would have had before he started living with me. He was on my lap and I was able to forget that he was there.

I was reminded of the business trip I had taken back in February, how without Pine I could hardly function normally. I needed to change that, and maybe getting a girlfriend would help with that step.

Once again, I realized what I was doing. I was laying in bed with another man, spooning him like we were lovers, and I was thinking about how I needed a girlfriend. It was all like a cruel joke I had played on myself.

I laughed a little bit more before I went to sleep.

XX

The game had been on a Tuesday, and the next day I texted Elle and asked her out to dinner that Friday night. Surprisingly she said yes. I chose the place and said that we would both meet there at a specific time.

I nervously got ready that evening, questioning every single solitary decision I was making. Nothing seemed right. I picked a more casual restaurant, so I didn't have to dress up, but I still read way too deep into everything. At first Pine watched me get ready, but I think after a while he put together that it didn't have anything to do with him and went off to sculpt something.

I left the house at what I thought was the appropriate time, but ended up about ten minutes early. Thankfully Elle was early as well, so I didn't even have to wait that long.

My nerves got less and less prominent as the night went on. We talked about a bunch of personal stuff neither of us felt the need to get to back at the baseball game. She told me she was twenty-five and lived in West Virginia her whole life. She worked in the HR department at an office not too far from mine. I told her about my job and my origins. I can't say that I immediately felt a deep connection, but we managed to hold a conversation just fine. There was nothing deep or profound in that conversation, it was just...well, nice. If nothing else I could at the very least be friends with Elle.

She didn't ask about Pine for most of the meal, and I assumed that that would be the first topic of discussion. It wasn't until we were both finished eating and were waiting for the check that she finally brought it up.

"So, Zach...tell me about Pine."

I didn't hesitate. "He's been my housemate since last September. Actually, I think it would be more accurate to say I've been his caretaker. Remember how he never talked that entire night?"

She nodded. "I was wondering about that."

"Yeah, there's a reason why. Pine has a very bizarre kind of brain damage. I got him tested recently and there's a huge chunk of his brain missing. He can't talk, read, write, or understand any words."

She cocked an eyebrow.

"Why are you taking care of him? I thought you were an engineer."

I laughed. "I wish I was getting paid to do this, but no. He's just been living at my house and I've been taking care of him."

She looked like she was thinking that over. It was a good thing that she saw a lot of Pine's mannerisms at the game.

"When I found him he was all alone and had nowhere to go. Originally, he was just going to spend one night at my place, but I decided to let him stay with me. I don't mind all the work because he really is a nice guy. He's not very bright, but I like having him around. It's kind of like having a dog, except a dog that's shaped like a human. He's just simple and happy."

She spoke up. "That makes sense. Most of the night I just assumed you two were on a date, but there was something off about the way you were acting. You treated him more like he was a kid of yours, but I just thought that's how you two operated."

I shrugged. "Child, pet, friend, there isn't really a label for what the two of us are. To me he's just Pine."

I could tell that she believed me, but I couldn't quite interpret her reaction.

"It's all really weird," I admitted. "Nobody knows that better than I do."

"You don't have to tell me that."

She looked like her thoughts had traveled elsewhere. It didn't seem like it had anything to do with me or Pine, though.

"Elle, is something on your mind?"

She set her jaw and leaned forward. "There's something about me that I need to tell you."

I doubted she had any problems that were as difficult to talk about as mine were, but I didn't say that. "What is it?"

She paused before speaking.

"I have a daughter."

It took a few seconds for me to absorb that information.

"Really?"

She nodded. "She's four now. I always make sure to tell guys that before the end of the first date."

I wasn't really sure how to feel about that. I had spent the whole night fretting about how she would react to my situation. It had never even occurred to me that she might have baggage of her own. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I tried my best to choose my words carefully.

"Okay then. Thank you for telling me that early on. It's not a deal-breaker for me, though." If she was willing to hear about Pine and not judge me I should return the favor and not judge her.

She didn't look satisfied with that response.

"Look, it is a big deal, but it doesn't change the fact that I like you. If she's your daughter, then I'm sure she's a great kid."

That seemed to do the trick. I had meant that, too.

I never really felt the need to make a position on whether or not I would date a woman with children, but I really did like Elle. I knew that for a fact. If things weren't meant to work out, they wouldn't, but it shouldn't be a reason to not even try.

"Alright. I'm glad you think that way, Zach, because I like you, too."

The conversation was a lot more relaxed after that. We were both chatting and laughing on the way to our cars.

"I had a good time tonight, Zach."

"I did, too."

There was an awkward pause. I wanted to kiss her, and the timing seemed right, but I was nervous. She was maybe 5'10". It wasn't like I had to do anything fancy. I could just lean in, and I wanted to. Being bold had served me well up to that point. In my head I was egging myself on, although if felt more like I was bullying myself into submission.

I tried to go for it, but panicked at the last instant. When I noticed that she could see what I was doing I moved my head over so the kiss landed on her cheek. It lasted for a fraction of a second and when I pulled away I felt myself turn bright red.

She gave me a weird look. Then she started laughing at me.

"You call that a kiss?" She asked.

Before I could reply she kissed me properly. One heartbeat later I was returning the kiss with enthusiasm.

It had been a while since my last girlfriend. The only person I had kissed recently was Pine. With him, it felt nice, but this...this was something else entirely. It sent out a signal that awoke something deep within me. Every cell in my body lit up. All I wanted was to push forward and do more, but I restrained myself. Instead I just put my hands on her head and allowed my fingers to run through her hair. After a few electrifying moments, she pulled away, smiling.

"See, wasn't that better?"

All I could do was grin sheepishly and nod.

She laughed again. "You're an idiot."

She walked to her car, saying goodbye and that we should go out again sometime soon. Even as she drove away, all I could do was stand there. I still felt the kiss on my lips. It felt so good, so right. I also could absolutely get used to Elle calling me an idiot.

Eventually I was able to unfreeze and walk to my car.

*****

Elle and I were steadily dating for the rest of April. We both had day jobs and she wanted to spend most evenings at her apartment with her daughter Katie, so we didn't see each other during weekdays. We did text a lot, and a couple times a week we would talk on the phone at night after Katie had gone to bed. One of the things we did a lot was tell each other stories from our lives.

Elle came from a huge family. She had four siblings, so she had plenty of stories about herself and her family from when she was growing up. I had a few stories of my own, from my childhood and college years. I also told her a couple stories about Pine, like how I found him or the time I broke my arm.

It felt so easy, so normal talking with her. We knew how to make each other laugh and felt comfortable talking about our stresses and worries. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her.

We had a date every weekend. We alternated with choosing locations; the second date was dinner at a place of Elle's choosing, the third time I took her to see a movie. When we were actually together I did my best to take things slow and keep the contact simple. I'd hold her hand or put my arm around her shoulder. We did kiss often, and every single one of them drove me crazy, but I wanted to take my time. I didn't want to rush and mess things up, and I knew that if Elle wanted more from me, she'd let me know.

We had been going out for a month by the fourth date. It was Elle's turn to pick and she asked if she could just come over and have dinner at my place. The way she phrased it told me that she wasn't planning on spending the night and just wanted to hang out for the evening. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that she wanted to see more of my life at home with Pine, which was fair. I would have been curious, too.

When she arrived at my house, after she was done greeting me she turned to Pine. She knew at that point that he was more like a dog than a person, so she treated him as such. She put her hand on his head and ruffled his hair. He warmed up immediately. I think he could sense how comfortable and friendly I was with her. He rubbed himself into her palm and rested his chin on her hand.

She giggled. "Aw...he's adorable!"

I wanted to make sure that he wasn't in the way, but not make it seem like I was embarrassed of him. He had already eaten, so when I lit the candle by his clay and sculpting tools he got to work and didn't bother us when we ate dinner. I had made that spaghetti with meat sauce, and she enjoyed it. She actually seemed comfortable, which I wouldn't have predicted.

After the meal we sat in the den and talked. We were next to each other on the couch, but Pine came over and curled next to me on the other side. Every time he would touch me or nuzzle me I would look over at Elle. She didn't seem bothered; in fact, she got more annoyed by me constantly trying to gauge her reaction. After about five times, she rapped my forehead a few times with her knuckles.

"Earth to Zach: cut it out." Her voice had a fair amount of insistence and a touch of exasperation. "I don't care. It's fine. Now quit being stupid."

I rubbed my forehead and grinned. "I love you too, honey," I joked. She laughed.

Things became much more relaxed after that, enough for me to think about something that had been on my mind for a while. Elle told me several stories about her life. She seemed fine talking about her struggles with me, but she didn't really talk about her daughter. It's not like I asked about it, but it seemed like a big part of her life she was keeping to herself. Still, Elle had always been direct with me. I thought I owed it to her to be the same way.

"Elle, tell me about Katie. You don't really tell me stories about her."

She smiled a little. "I love her more than words can express. It's just that I don't really think dates want to hear about my daughter."