Warmth Pt. 03

"Well, I do. After all, I am going to meet her eventually."

She sighed. "It's not just that, it's...it's just complicated."

I put my hand on hers. "I don't have anywhere else to be tonight."

She looked at me, her eyes a little sad.

"The thing is, when I was in college I was an idiot. I fell for a guy that anybody could have told me was bad news. They did, actually, but I didn't listen. We went out for most of my junior year and I actually convinced myself that he loved me. He didn't. He was a lying, cheating bastard. When he found out I was pregnant, he ran for the hills."

I had no clue what to say to that, so I kept quiet.

"I still had school and a career to worry about and now I was going to be a single mom at age twenty-one. I could have put her up for adoption, but I chose to keep her and try to take care of her myself. Like I said, I was stupid. Selfish, too. I love her more than anything, but I worry a lot that I'm not providing her with everything she needs."

I was reminded of the worries I would constantly have about taking care of Pine, like I was doing something wrong.

"It's not like I was alone, either. My parents and siblings did what they could to support us and help out, but I only accepted their help when necessary. I had given up so much, I didn't want to give up my pride, too."

Once again, I had thought similar things. I put my arm around her as she continued.

"I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it alone. I stretched myself out to have a job and still be a mom. I thought I was doing okay, but I was so lonely. About a year ago I was finally able to accept that, and I tried dating. I have some extra baggage, though, more than most women my age. There's a big stigma around being a single mother, and for a reason. It's just hard. I like to think that I'm wiser than I was, but I just don't want to get hurt again."

She seemed like she was finished. All of a sudden, she got flustered.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say that much, I just—"

I interrupted her with a kiss. As it was happening I knew that I had fallen for her. When I pulled away I looked her square in the eye.

"I love you, Elle."

She smiled. "I love you, too."

Around an hour later she went home, and I felt like I was glowing. It was the first time I felt like I really wanted to settle down with a girl. It felt incredible.

I walked back to the den, still beaming. It's not like I had everything figured out. We'd only been together for a month at that point. I hadn't even met her daughter, but I wanted to do that, and soon. She was fine with meeting my kid, after all.

I scratched Pine's hair.

"I'm glad you like her, because she's gonna be coming back more often, at least if I have anything to say about it."

He nuzzled me and I smiled.

XXI

I was browsing Netflix one evening in May when I saw a documentary that caught my attention. It was a newer one, and it was about methods of torture and prisoners of war. It was a morbid subject, normally not something I would be interested in, but for some reason I was really drawn to it. I had no idea why, but my gut told me to watch it, so I did.

It wasn't very pleasant. There were stories about human experimentation in Nazi concentration camps and Soviet Russia. The last segment was about North Korea. This was more current, and much of the things they talked about were based on allegations. Some of the experiments were only talked about through rumors. Then they said something that made my heart skip a beat.

"While not confirmed, defectors have told stories of human vivisection, organ harvesting without anesthesia, and using brain surgery to turn humans into animals."

They never went into any more detail, but just hearing that made alarms go off in my brain. That sounded like what had happened to Pine. I had done research on the subject prior, trying to find information that would help me learn about his past, but never found anything useful. This felt like an actual lead.

It was possible that it wasn't even true. It could have been nothing, but I got a feeling that it wasn't. I wanted to trust that feeling.

I called my boss and told her that I needed to take the next week off from work. I usually don't go on vacations much, so I almost never asked for time off. Even asking for the day off back when I filed the police report was out of character for me.

She told me that if I did it I would have to do overtime later, but I let her know that that wasn't an issue. She reluctantly agreed.

I spent the first half of that week doing a lot of things I'm not proud of. I used any means I could to track down the people who made that documentary. Many of the experiments they had mentioned were also discussed in other documentaries and articles, but turning humans into animals with brain surgery was only brought up in this documentary in particular.

It took quite some time to get ahold of anybody, and the first few people weren't very helpful. They either didn't know how they got that specific tidbit of information or knew but wouldn't budge. After 4 days of searching with little break I finally got something I could work with. I was talking with one of the researchers and writers who told me they had done interviews with several defectors from North Korea. That's where they got some of the alleged experiments from. The thing was, the defectors only agreed to be interviewed under anonymity. They never cited those people directly. They didn't sign confidentiality agreements, but all the people interviewed had to watch and approve everything that would have ended up in the final product.

Once again, I'm not proud of what I did next. It was probably the shadiest thing I had ever done. I promised up and down that I wasn't going to use the information maliciously, I was just planning to ask some questions of my own. I told him that if I was asked how I got the information I would lie and say I hacked into his computer and take the fall. I even made an offer under the table. I don't want to say what the number was. It was unethical, it was invasive, it was probably illegal, and it was a lot of time, energy, and now money to put into a mere hunch, but I was on a mission, and I'm stubborn when I need to know something.

Thankfully, the man I was talking to either knew I had only good intentions or wasn't the most morally upstanding person himself, because he agreed. I was aware of the fact that he could have been feeding me fake information, and I wouldn't be able to get back my money, but after much stalking and using methods I don't even want to talk about, I had a name and an address. I scheduled a flight the next day. I also called James and asked him to take care of Pine for a little while. It was out of the blue and I didn't tell him where I was going or why, but he didn't ask.

The next day I spent eighteen hours on planes to make it from West Virginia to a city in South Korea near where the man I was looking for lived. His name was Ji-hoon, which to a Korean is like being named John or Michael, a very common name. When I finally got to my destination I was so jetlagged and tired I could barely walk. I had to check into a cheap hotel so I could sleep. I don't speak a lick of Korean, so it wasn't easy. I had to use an app on my phone in order to talk to anybody, but I was finally able to get a place to crash.

I was so wiped out that I collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep instantly. I remember that I had a strange dream at some point during those several hours of on again, off again dozing.

I was walking through some woods in the mountains back in West Virginia. I was pretty sure that I was lost because I didn't really seem to be going anywhere in particular. After a few minutes I came across a huge wolf or dog. It had pure white fur and pointy ears. When it got closer and looked at me I saw that it had one blue eye and one brown eye. I knew what was going on immediately.

"Pine?" I asked. "Is that you?"

He didn't react. When I reached out to touch him, he started growling at me. He hunched down, his fur sticking up. He showed off a mouth full of long, sharp teeth. When he lunged to attack I woke up. It was about one in the morning in South Korea, but I didn't really feel like going back to sleep, so I read a book until the sun rose.

I didn't have much of a plan for how I was actually going to approach Ji-hoon. As foolish as it sounds, and is, I just intended to walk up to his house and knock on his door. Once again, it was a big risk I was taking, but I was too desperate at that point.

I took a taxi to his neighborhood and tried to look as non-threatening as possible as I knocked on the door, every fiber of my being hoping, praying.

A very average looking Korean man answered the door. There was no turning back now. I spoke into my phone, asking if he was the man I was looking for. I used his full name. When he read the text on my phone, he didn't look scared or angry as much as confused. He nodded.

"My name is Zachary Nathanson and I come from America. I would like to ask you some questions about your past experiences. I promise that none of this will be recorded and I won't tell anybody what you tell me."

He took a second to read the text and made a confused face. I showed him that I pressed the listen button on my phone as it said, "Korean to English." He talked quietly into my phone and I read the translated text.

Why do you want information from me?

"I have a close friend who I believe to have gone through an experience similar to yours. I want to know what happened to him and he's not in a state where he can tell me himself."

As he read what I told him I noticed that he looked very tired.

He pointed at my phone and I held it up so that he could talk into it.

Come inside.

After I went through the door he gestured to a couch and I sat down. He came back a few minutes later with tea. I don't drink tea, but I accepted it anyway to be polite.

"Please keep in mind that you don't have to answer any questions you're not comfortable with, and if you want I will leave at any moment," I told him.

What would you like to know about? He asked.

"I have been doing research on a type of human experimentation that uses brain surgery to turn humans into animals. I believe that that has happened to my companion in his past. Is there anything you can tell me about this?"

I heard rumors from other prisoners at the camp I was at. I didn't see any of it with my own eyes.

"Did you hear anything about what the test subjects were like? Any information would be helpful."

He sat back and pondered for a minute before answering.

I had heard that they couldn't speak or understand when people talked to them. They would touch things frequently with their fingers, like they used their hands to see. They were quiet and submissive, scared of all the other prisoners.

I tried to hide my excitement.

"Do you know why these experiments were performed?"

From what I heard most of the test subjects were children. The surgery was done to take the humanity away early and the animal tendencies were put into them through training. The goal was to make a person that could be an attack dog, an unquestioning and loyal servant.

My eyes widened. "Did it work?"

I don't know. These were all merely rumors.

I nodded. "What you're describing does match up with the traits of my friend. I had his brain scanned a few months ago and it showed severe adjustments in his brain that looked deliberate."

It took him a moment to read all that.

Do you not know where your friend came from?

I shook my head. "I found him last autumn and in the whole time I've known him he has not said a single word. I don't know his origin, age, or even his real name. However, he may have come from the place you were at."

He raised an eyebrow. What does this person look like?

"He's a white man, paler than me. He has white hair and brightly colored eyes."

Ji-hoon shook his head. I had been at that prison for eight months and I never saw any white prisoners. The people being experimented on were all East Asian, from what I could tell.

My face fell a little.

I'm sorry that you couldn't get the information you wanted.

"I'm not upset. I think I got enough information. I just have one more question."

He looked at me inquisitively.

"Do you sometimes have dreams about the place you were kept at after you escaped?"

For the first time it felt like I had hit a nerve. He started getting a haunted look on his face. I didn't backpedal, though. I waited for him to respond.

Yes, I do. I would have very vivid, frightening dreams. They would be so real that when I woke up I'd be convinced that I never escaped at all.

I nodded. I didn't want to say I'm sorry or that sounds rough, because if I were in his shoes that would be the last thing I would want to hear. Instead I just said "Thank you for letting me talk to you. It means a great deal to me."

I got up to leave, but Ji-hoon got my attention so he could say something.

I hope your friend will be okay.

I smiled. "I think he'll be just fine. Thank you again for helping me."

I left.

XXII

I had given myself three days in South Korea to get all the information I wanted, and accomplished what I had set out to do by the afternoon of the second day. Combined with the extremely long return flight, I had a lot of down time. I spent most of the time thinking about what I had heard.

I tried to use the information Ji-hoon had given me and what I already knew to form a rough idea of what exactly had happened to Pine, using inferences and guesswork to fill in the gaps. The final version I settled on is imperfect. There are still some loose ends and unanswered questions. I don't know everything I need to form the complete story, but I think I have enough to guess. This is Pine's story, as far as I can tell. It's mostly conjecture, but I think that this is pretty close to what had happened.

*****

At some point, a child was taken away. I don't know how, when, where, or why, but I assume that his parents were out of the picture. It probably happened when the boy was very young. He was likely put into human trafficking and got purchased by a third party, but it was possible that he was taken directly by the person or group of people that I call X.

I only have theories about the methods or motives of X. I have no idea if X is a cult, an underground society, a single very rich and very evil person, or whatever. I don't know if the actions in question were done to benefit X directly, or if it did what it did on the behalf of some other party. The only thing I was reasonably sure of was that X was not the government of North Korea. Whoever or whatever X was, X wanted a person who could be a pet, a trained servant who would always be loyal and never question orders, even to kill on command. To do this X acquired the child and began the experiment.

The symptoms match too well for me to think the method of transformation wasn't the same one Ji-hoon had described to me. It's possible that the North Korean government had heard about this kind of experimentation from somebody else and wanted to try it out themselves.

X used surgery to completely remove the parts of the child's brain that would allow it to communicate. Any scars that the surgery would have caused would be faint due to how early it was performed, and would be hidden underneath the child's long hair. The procedure turned the child into a simpleton at best and brain-dead at worst. Once many of the things that would make the child human were removed, the training began to fill in the empty spaces with the traits of a dog.

X raised the child as a pet, making him exist how an animal would. He was never taught how to read, write, or even feed himself properly. Instead he was taught the skills and lifestyle of a service dog or an attack animal. He was physically trained to operate best in short bursts of energy and not endurance. He was trained in methods of intimidation, growling and barking at threats. He learned skills that allowed him to fight opponents much bigger than he was. He was trained to withstand cold and exude heat that could be used to warm others. Most of all he learned to serve and submit to a dominating human. He would never attack or act on his own behalf, but he would lay down his life to protect his master without question. He learned how to sense when his master was in danger and put himself on the line to keep that person safe.

Besides the skills with practical use, much of the training that X gave the child was more aesthetically-driven. He would examine things the way a dog would, touching them with his fingers like how a dog would sniff something. He was trained to sit like a dog, lay down like a dog, show affection to his master like how a dog would, with nuzzling and licking, though the licking was done with the fingers and not the tongue. He would be the most receptive to gestures like petting and scratching. He would see clothing as something helpful, but not necessary. He didn't have a trace of human modesty or desire to not be seen naked. Where it would be impractical to be a dog, he was taught human traits. He was toilet trained and able to operate things like doors and lights. He didn't walk or run on all fours, but on his feet because he would be faster.

It was imperative that the boy not only act like an animal, but also see himself as one. They carefully taught him to be afraid of humans, all except for his owner. He spent much of his life interacting with real dogs, enough to think of himself as one of them. He was treated like an animal and not a human. He wasn't given a name, and he wasn't allowed to form hobbies or discover interests of his own. The purpose of his life would be to serve his master.

The boy was not treated kindly. To keep him unmarked, X wouldn't beat him, but instead abuse him in other ways. Food would be kept from him, so whenever he did eat he would as if it were his last meal. He had to sleep in the cold, needing to curl himself into a ball to conserve heat. He would be overworked physically, walking or running until he collapsed. He would be punished whenever he did something out of line. He was to be unobtrusive, low maintenance, and seen rather than heard.

To survive, the boy had to disguise all of his needs from the world. He would never waver in his duties. If he was hungry, thirsty, or tired, he would hide it. If he was feeling emotion of any sort, he wouldn't let it show, instead keeping a neutral expression. He would never care if he got dirty or even injured. He let his trainers move his limbs and body around without complaint. He was taught, both by X and himself, to always be quiet and not take up too much space. If his emotions did come through, like if he cried or had a panic attack, he would hide away and try to be silent. During his adolescence, he was never taught about what puberty would do to his body. Whenever his hormones flared up, he would simply become more aggressive and territorial. He would need to use crude methods to satisfy his sexual urges. Over the course of almost two decades, a psychological complex was formed within the boy. He saw himself not as a human with free will, but as a tool to be used. Even though he could fight back against the abuse or defy his master, he had set up a mental block that prevented him from even considering the possibility.

This training, this abuse, continued for his entire life. By the time he was of age, he was a handsome, athletic young man. He was also an obedient, submissive dog.