All Comments on 'We Need to Separate... 04'

I like your stories but hate your style of writing them!!! but thats just me ....keep writing them and I will keep reading them

thanks pud

and the final separation happens and it will. TK U MLJ LV NV

I don't know how to feel about this. The story kind of fizzles out because of your insistance on turning it into a life-time spanning epic rather than a story about a certain period in a couples life.

I can't avoid giving you four stars because of your writing skills, but the story should have been wrapped up and finished after the birth of the kids. The rest feels attached and unnecessary, like in those movies where a text in the ending credits tells what happened to the characters later. It's ok and sometimes even beneficial to leave some room for the readers imagination.

It was hard to really like anyone in this tale. I see how your thought process carried the tale in this direction but I don't agree how it turned out. The best thing was the children who grew up normal, not affected by their strange and insane parents.

Keep up the good work. Four Stars

A fitting end I guess. I would have sent her packing after the birth, back to Mary and the brother. He spent his whole life having to fight to keep her. I adhere to the old adage . . . If you love someone, set them free . . .

Thank you for entertaining me with this story. I enjoyed it very much. I enjoyed how this would end. It had a lot of hatred in the speech that I wish was modified in a more dignified way but the story line was intriguing and kept me very interested. I am happy that he took her away from Mary and with that they had a happy life together enjoying each other's company.

This one ended better than I expected. I enjoyed it much better than most if your other work. Probably the plot was more to my liking as much as anything else but it also seemed to be better thought out. Conversations are rough, forced and often too formal. Thank you for not taking too many easy way out shortcuts.

I found it to be surprisingly different than the normal fare I expected to see. This will be a first. 5 stars

A sad tale of what should have been a loving family and wife. There was a lot of hatred in the stories and shame that the husband needed to change his personality just to keep his wife.

Perhaps he should have kid nap Mary to hawiian island to watch him and his wife make live via a TV link up to a cell room on the island as torture for his pain !

Won't say anything more; I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for writing it.

Thanks for the effort. Take this comment as well-meant criticism - people do not talk to each the way your characters do. First, you don't disclose to a doctor that your brother happens to have a big dick for no apparent reason, and whatever the two kids thought about their stepmother they would not have gone into such detail at a funeral, just "stuff it Mom" and quietly make it happen. Second, the characters talk to each other in great detail to try and advance the story line, or for you to reveal important information to the reader, but those paragraphs read false because would not really talk like that.

Other than that, it was an interesting tale.

I both like and hate this tale. the ending was both happy and sad. The wife

did seem to have a happy life but not normal life. It was sad that she died of cancer

and never was able to control her life in any way. I did hate the sadness in the

tale. the slut using her for her personal slave. over all a good read

Well written. The only thing I didn't like was Angie giving up her kids. Yes she cheated but that had to be hard to do that. Then again she couldn't make a decision on her own.

Adam was cruel to Angie at times eventhough he claim to love her. I understand his anger but to force her to choose between her kids or him wasn't cool. Then he forced her not to keep in contact with them or even know how they were doing.

Pretty much all of them had some kind of issue for which played a part to the drama.

I'm not going to call the man a cuck, because it doesn't seem to fit, but he's quite clearly an asshole that should have died a lot sooner alongside his slut wife, his asshole brother and skank sister-in-law.

Really, what kind of piece of fucking shit slaps a woman around and calls her names just because he isn't getting the sex he wants while she's suffering from post-partum depression? Divorce exists for a fucking reason. Go get laid all you want, don't be a cunt. People like that are one step away from wife beaters, which are lower on the chain of human filth even than cheating whores.

Thank you and keep writing.

I really do not comprehend the derisory comments of some of your readers. But each to his own.

A story where Mikoli kept the characters personalities intact. Bravo.

I did not like the characters, as most have pointed out none were likeable. What bothers me, and this is not a slap at Mikoli, is why did not Adam have children with Angie??????? Most writers do this and I don't know why. DeYaken did it most recently in She Chose Us, (which by the way is bullshit if you read his story about the cheating whore). I mean come on fellas why not????

Anyway, thank you for not changing the characters to fit the ending for the first time ever.

I am glad Adam did not have a good life after Angie. He as well as the rest did not deserve it. Again ALL characters with the exception of Ainge and Angelo were total complete assholes.

The comment about Annette coming on to the kids was filler, because you did not mention if Mary disciplined her or left her. Also disappointed we did not learn Mary's future.

Yet, through it all, one of your better attempts. I wonder what would happen if you wrote a story where some characters were likeable, and you kept them in character.

I wonder..

Yes she was a cheating slut but adams abuse hitting her with a paddle, if I was a woman and a bloke hit me is slice his throat in his sleep, I don't agree with cheating just divorce no abuse women cause only puffs we can't hit a man hit a woman

It doesn't seem to work for me, his relationship with his wife , and her controlling girl friend , sleeping with the brother having two babies and leaving town because her girlfriend can control her. Seeing her children only after she is dying. To unreal for me.

Billionaire? GMAFB! Why not just BUY the Big Island? Buy the legislature first, then have them change all the inconvenient laws! Who to like in this menagerie? No-fucking-body!

Plus, not a lot of erotic and BOW-KU bullying and posturing!

3*

Oh, and ANON, Hubby was sterile. Read (and remember) the whole story!

Oh, faggot wedjat managed to crawl back under the sewage slime he briefly escaped from - shame, too bad no one will miss that cuck-sucking-faggot.

Make the choice, do everything you possibly can to make that choice happen, deal and live with any consequences the choice brings, and never waffle or waiver when it comes to the choice you made no matter what anybody else says or tries to do about your choice.

Good words to live by!

It was well written...except for screwing up Angie's name continually.

It was four chapters, 9 Lit pages, and I apologize, but it seems over written for such a basic plot. Man has twin, wife fucked around for most of her life, he leaves them behind. We didn't explore his emotions, we didn't understand ANY of the character's motivations. It was a fetish story pure and simple, but even there, not enough kink was added to the

Mary was painted as pure evil. This woman raised two kids not her own, and seemingly well...but after 18 years, in three pico seconds after meeting this woman who abandoned them, they toss Mary away like the trash. Really? I mean REALLY? Lest anyone made a mistake of feeling a moment's sympathy for this woman who raised some other woman's children for EIGHTEEN YEARS, you had to incredibly make her hit on her own kids. I mean...REALLY?

But ignoring that. Maybe the kids saw how unwholesome an environment it was with the threesomes (though...the kids were RAISED this way on an isolated farm...just saying) They just cleaved with Adam...but how would they? Mary had 18 years (see how that keeps coming up) to so called 'poison' their minds against him. And honestly, it wouldn't be hard "I loved your uncle and his wife. I keep trying to reach out to them and they keep wanting to stay out of your life no matter what I do." That is a powerful story...and it's true to a point. And if she had Aaron wrapped around her finger, he would barely dispute the issue.

So when it comes to money grubbing whores...one wonders about the motivations of the kids and their RICH RICH uncle.

It was a marshmallow. Sweet and sticky and not very filling by itself.

but not all.

Angie, the wife, Ainge her daughter short for Angelina.

Maybe Aaron buffered any bad comments from Mary against Adam. Story sort of mentioned Aaron telling his children about their mom and uncle so maybe in that one area, Mary didn't control him.

Annette, Mary's female lover, hitting on twins not Mary.

I stand by my assessment.

"Hi...woman who fed us and clothed us for 18 years. The one who bandaged our boo boo's...the one who held us when we were crying as children. The one who went to our concerts, who made us those stupid costumes for our school plays...yeah you...go fuck yourself because you don't want us to spend time with this man who kept our mother away from us for 18 years. Yeah...we want to defend HIM...the one who broke your heart, dad's heart, our mother's heart and our hearts. Yeah...fuck you you skeevy bitch or we'll bitch slap you for...what was your name again Sir?"

Doesn't scan. The man who stole our mother and hates our 'mother'. You are trying to make him a hero. He wasn't, not from their POV. Excuse me, from what their POV SHOULD have been. Aaron might have told them 'nice stories' but he wheels in this cancer torn woman on deaths door and glares at THEIR mother for two hours. And their 'birth mother' acts like a slave around him.

Yeah....I'd curse my mom out for that man...

I have to say different, I personally did not like the outcome but who am I to say what is right or wrong. Your POV toward the end did make me think though and I personally Thank you for that.

HKL

I just could not get into the story. I skimmed right though each chapter hoping in would get better but it did not. This was a weak storyline drawn out way to long. It seemed to me that the author was trying to hard to make the story interesting by making it about a cheating spouse, lesbian dom, sterile husband and mistaken identity with identical twins.

This was one fucked up story. Like some of the crap Stang peddles

skimmed it....complete and utter idiocy... the main character should have been lobotomized as a teen. 1/5 for one of the dumbest fucking things to grace the site in a while.

they got the same nose , eyes , arm , legs . toes but the cock noooooooo not the cock lol hahahahahahaha lol good one

It is all terrible.

The story was terrible but nicely written. Eventhough, I didn't like it at all, I couldn't stop reading. Please find different content to immerse your talent. Thank you.

I do think there is a bit of a true story in this 4 chapter tale... Other than that not my cup of tea to separate out all the tangled mess of lives...

But it is an essentially good concept well executed -

Not all realistic but most - how did the children not hate Aaron? Mary and Annette fixed that with their bizarre behavior - clearly neither of these twins was a sub for Mary. So they were able to her for what she was - manipulative and abusive -

They wanted their mother but understood why they did not have her (by graduation - it might have gone differently if they saw her earlier) they saw and heard Angie at the party so they knew why she had not been with them and knew why Mary was not the real mother (and never wanted them - they would have known that too) - so it is all plausible if a bit of a stretch.

Thanks -

From what we see of Mary, it's likely that she never wanted the twins (she wanted Angie). The odds that she spent any loving time with them instead of with her lesbian lover were probably nil. She may even have scapegoated them for her loss of Mary. Aaron would have been the only nurturing influence in their home, and they would have seen Mary treat him like shit on a daily basis.

I'm no OB/GYN, but 3 weeks to term there is no problem doing a c-section to deliver the babies with minimal risk to mother and/or babies, so the choice of who to save is nearly an impossible occurrence.

would the listeners respond or remiss. TK U MLJ LV NV

it became mediocre at best.

I don't know why but it seems I'm about the only one that likes the stories posted, and everybody else is a master literary critic!

First of all, if there was a section called "Loving Husbands" then this story would certainly fit in that category. He stuck with her when others would have kicked her adulterous ass to the curb and walked away. She said she loved him, but did not show it when she wound up in her lesbian lover's bed, and him catching them and watching...that was priceless.

I agree with a few of the others about technical things, like the difficult birth. As I was reading I was thinking, "You hardly ever hear about 'either save the mother or the child' anymore." A C-section is done and all should be okay, barring other complications. Also, the issue about the identicalness of the brothers. Yeah, everything is perfectly identical except for the size of the penis? That just isn't plausible.

But, I read it through and was one of those I wanted to keep on reading. I only found a couple of grammar errors in this long story, and that in itself shows that you did good work in proofing and editing (or at least someone did). That's more than I can say for the few comments I read above, where they can't even use capital letters correctly and make sense of what they right. I gave 5 *s

Not the usual by any means and you told it very well.

Much appreciative of your effort.

Thx!

great story loved the flow of the events in it. real gut wrenching story which makes it a great story.

This could of been a real story for all I know. Nicely written, and not overly detailed ? I guess I will just have to read some of your other stories. Literotica is really a very good forum for the stories contained within its unadvertised space. My thanks to you and Lit.

Loved it! Thank you for sharing your story with us!

There are many ways. As soon as his nephew and niece were the age of 18 he should have lowered the boom on her ass. At least that is how I would have written it.

I am not a writer but there are certain things I might change in some of these stories.

obsessed with killing off your female protagonists with Cancer.

You have issues

regular micoli crap.

one thing I don't understand: they are identical twins, which means identical DNA, so how does one have a much bigger dick?

just to help offset the asshole annony!!

LIKE A CUNT DYING OF CANCER....COULD WATCH THAT SHIT ALL DAY, OH YEAH AND DEATH TO DYKES.

In one chapter she said that Mary could probably take her the first time she tried... and in this chapter she said no one could take her from him....

If he had taken her at her word with that first comment, he should have just left. If he had to worry forever about them making contact, what's the point...? It's like her saying no amount of effort he'd put into their relationship would equal one interaction with Mary... who would need that sort of denigration...?

One of the very best stories I have read on any sight..... You deserve praise for creating a story with such passion, sadness and balance..... No it wasn't always erotic, most LW stories aren't, but you stayed true to the characters you created and that was as it should be......

How fucked is this pile of horse shit. Living with some bimbo who can't decide if she needs to shit or fill her pants! She should have stayed in Tenn. and continued to fuck her SIL and BIL and Uncle Festus and and Auntie Buella and the rest of the fucking family. Adam should have grown a sack but of course that would look funny with his little pecker.

Vote 1* for every story rated by 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄 (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka ANON!

We have two strong boys. No slave or master stuff but, I cared for her until she had to leave us. I wanted to be selfish and get her to stay longer, I believe she would have tried. She looked out for us to the end. Even though she was in great pain she tried to hide the pain. Two days after before she passed I spoke to her and told her please don't worry about us we'll be alright, if the pain is too much it's alright if you go we will be alright. I talk as if she's still with us SheIsand will be as long as we live.

I fed her breakfast, after she finished she looked at me smiled and was gone.

Her passing still hurts to this day, I was told, I don't know if it's true or not that if just before someone passes if they lock and crook their right arm like they are holding on to someone it means a loved one has been with them and is coming back to get them.

Cancer is a terrible thing I would never wish on my worst enemy.

drek.

Imbecilic. Awful. Twenty monkees punching blindly at typewriters would do better.

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda Divorced her cheating ass and left her to her two other lovers.

Didn't care for this chapter as much.

To finish the story? It went from a story that was not too bad to absolutely stupid in this last chapter! The way the kids were portrayed was really bad. Do you really think that they would treat Mary like shit when that was the only mother that they ever knew? Then the shit that Mr. Perfect spouts at his brother's funeral is way over the top! It just seemed like the author was in a big hurry to finish this story!! Too Bad!

wtf did i just read?

Strange story. Good, but strange. *****

sooner or later you must separate. not only for the obvious reason, but that's life, TK U MLJ LV NV

One sad story! I honestly don't know what I would have done if it was Me (as per story ) I'll end it there with 5 ★ WOOF! Fantastic Story but a Behemoth! !!!!

What an asshole, the whole family too. The story was stupid....nuff said!

the story got better as it progressed however lacked believability. That Angie's children never bonded with Mary who raised them and took to Angie whom they never met just doesn't seem plausible. Great effort but a (long) miss.

Not sure how I feel about this long, convoluted story. I read it all, and it was interesting for sure. But for me, it was unsatisfying. There were too many unanswered questions and incomplete answers. With it's length, it should have been a lot tighter.

With all the things that are wrong with this story, the part about not being able to buy a house on Hawaii because they were not "Native Hawaiians" really showed a bit of ignorance. There are a couple of islands in the Hawaiian chain that only Native Hawaiians can go to, but ANYONE an own land and housing on the four main islands.

No good people in this story, Mary and Angie were in love before Adam and he should have walked away. His solution to the problem was really barbaric, Angie got the short end of the stick.

Could not finish the story.

Like crazy? 5 star crazy story for you. Pretty twisted perception of reality these characters have. It grinds the sensibilities.

1

Twin or not, you can't blame your wife for screwing around with your twin brother. While loving him and leaving him blameless. Makes no sense at all. He's as much fault as she is, as-well-as his sister-in law is.

Mary was a controlling cow. The father was a controlling bastard. I’m surprised she didn’t have children by her father. The Angies mother and that’s very loose term to call her. Allowed her husband to treat her child like he did. Hell this was worst to even imagine. Writing a story like this wasn’t easy but, It needed more than what I read. The main characters were very short on smarts. Angie was a sub starting with her father then Mary. Mary was sick so was Adam and his twin. Then Adam wanted to stay as her husband and let Mary and his brother live or without very serious injuries only seem to be a cuckhold in waiting. The writing is better than what I could do but, the way this story goes and ends is not very good.

....from the barely tolerable, to the most ridiculously unbelievable. I ended up detesting absolutely every single character. ZERO stars. What a complete waste of time

totally unbelievable with characters that had no redeeming features, all this Master/Slave shit, really, complete bullshit

I enjoyed it. A saga

But contrived at times,but definelty pulled it all together in the end. Nicely done

It’s amazing how short sighted people who can’t write or have never loved. Can’t see what the writer of this story IS trying to say to some of you. Bottom line you put up with a lot of crap when you are in love. The only thing you can’t stop is death and cancer is a shit show that only if you love someone will you put up with taking care of a loved one dying of anything, (CANCER IS THE WORST).

If you really love them there’s not much you wouldn’t put up with.

It's truly a shame what we do to each other

WOW! A BEAUTIFUL AND SAD TALE. WOW!

1 for this story.

no comments

What a sad tale of deceit and death. The storyline was written and with the characters in it there was a lot of drama. Gets my 5 stars for the writing.

Unconditional love is a toxic myth. It insinuates that non-acceptance is a bad thing.

That boundaries, issues, feelings, even conflict, is bad, because we should accept anything and everything . In fact, more than accept, it demands that we blindly love the person AND be accepting of all behavior including bad and abusive behavior directed against us. That's not love and its certainly not healthy. Real adult relationships are conditional based on mutual respect and resoprosity

Nixrox! Damn! You don’t like any stories. Why do you even read them

The billionaire video game developer was a bit ridiculous

Not a fan of the D/S lifestyle so that part of the story did nothing for me. HOWEVER, that being said this was a well laid out plot, well written and well edited to rate the 4 stars that I gave it.

Still absolute shit. I thought I'd torture myself and see how this shitfest ended and it lived down to my expectations.

Literally some of the shit said in this one doesnt line up with the crap spewed in places in the other chapters.

Sad how low some people will crawl to praise a story.

Wow... What a crap story! No reason to live ur life like that trying to keep ur wife in line even for that short time.

The commenter was correct, this story was absolute shit. The dialogue was atrocious. The story was the most ridiculous absurd thing I've ever read; the writer must be a perverted imbecile. 1 star.

Dumb

Three weeks from the due date, it would be HIGHLY unusual that you couldn't do a safe c-section and give birth to two healthy babies.

\

We go immediately from the doctor having to check with his boss to two babies delivered naturally?!

\

I know cops can be pricks, but even without expensive lawyers, a terminal cancer patient dying in her sleep isn't going to get anything more than a cursory investigation.

I hope you stopped writing. You have no talent at all and your plots make no sense. Do everyone a favor stop writing please.

I would not have lived my life like that. First trying to keep my wife away from her lover, if I had to go to those extremes I would have just walked away. Becoming her master I just don't have it in me. I want a partner not a slave, I would expect her to listen if I put my foot down, but that is it.

I read this story yesterday, I thought it was at best mediocre. I thought about it overnight and I may have been a little generous. It felt like it was trying to hit all the buttons in all the categories. There were so many mistakes in the story that stepped on each other. It started with the brother's trading places and tricking parents, teachers and girlfriends. But later you say your dick was seven and a half inches and your brother was eleven inches. Parents always know their kids apart. Teachers might be fooled but a girlfriend would know the difference even in the dark between 7.5- and 11-inch dicks. And how many years old was he when he figured out that he was more dominant than his brother? That is something that all brothers know instinctively. And that was just a couple of the errors or mistakes. There are so many I just don't have the time to point them out. That's comes from trying to ring all the bells and cover all the bases of every kink there is. I guess it was the constant tripping over twist in the story and realizing it was a contradiction to what was said before. You hit a number of story tags. Betrayal, incest, domination, long term cheating, blowjobs, cuckold, hand jobs, threesomes and probable a lot more that I just don't remember. Too much.

A lot to like about this story BUT a lot to dislike as well You can't please everyone but overall I did enjoy it (jaybee186)

I recognize it. I'm a masochist.

what a bunch of shit!

It's been a pleasure reading all this crap. Now I finally see the light.

plot shit. shit characters. twist shit. what a mess!

and now I smile. I am a better person. If I am capable of supporting this garbage I am capable of anything!

hilarante, toda la saga.... hilarante

Tripe.

Wow, what a piece of crap! A narcissist that I was hoping would be burned. But not to be!

Stunned... my anxiety came to the fore when learning of her fsoon to be fatal breast cancer.... DAMN!

One truth that this story makes changes lear is that being an identical twin is antithetical to what is considered "normal" psychological development. The rules for and processes by which a child differentiates into a unique and self sufficient adult are short circuited by having an identical copy of yourself in constant proximity while that differentiation is taking place. If one enters adulthood as a screwed up person, sadly it is very likely you will exit adulthood (die) as a screwed up person. Radical personal growth as an adult is possible but far from common. Most identical twins are severely fucked up people,