by billluc
it was hot, the idea was but it was very rushed and full of grammatical errors. quite distracting at times. i would recommend getting a proofreader and also taking your time building the story and characters. it has potential.
There's probably a real good story there but it was so rushed and compacted that it was hard to tell. It wouldn't have to be a five page dragged out affair but I think if you took your time it would have been better.
I loved your story and I love getting fucked by hung young studs.