All Comments on 'Welcome to the Family'
by xohmejx
- 5 Comments
Orthopodeover 6 years agoFine as a story but it seems to be the third or fourth part of a longer tale. Where is the rest? If it is a standalone then low marks due to not making sense
Anonymousover 6 years agoI liked not knowing the backstory. Flash fiction is a thing for a reason. I got to imagine all sorts of things for myself about what the relationships between the characters were (especially fun given the title and category) and how they got to where they were in the story. I thought the roughness of the fucking was hot as hell. Even the grammar issues and lack of punctuation seemed like they could have been intentional and added to the feeling of roughness. 4 stars from me.
Anonymousover 6 years agoThis could have been a much better story with just a few small changes. I kept waiting for the "family" connection to happen. It never did. It is good that this was just a single page. If it had been longer, I wouldn't have read further than the first page.
I agree with a previous comment which said that this seems like a snippet from the middle of a longer story. There needs to be more (or at least some) attention given to the setup for the story to work well.
The part about the texts from Mistress was not developed in any way, was totally out of context and didn't help the story at all. It would have been better to completely leave that part out if you weren't going to develop it at least a little. It seemed almost like that part was there just to increase the word count.
Overall this was a nice effort, but the story fell short of my expectations after reading the title and sub-title. If your title doesn't represent the content of the story, then the title just misses the mark. Remember, the title and sub-title is what gets people to start reading your story. The content of the story is what keeps them reading.
This story fell a bit below my expectations on both title and content because the two were completely disconnected. Thanks for writing and I hope that in your future stories, you will match the title to the content.
