All Comments on 'Wet G-String Contest Ch. 01'

Sorry. Fell asleep. Thought I was getting a hard on? Just farted

1 star

DragonRider55

First of all, if your character description feels like a pervy police report, you are doing it wrong. Show it throughout the story, don't just ram it all up the front. It's not engaging and no one looks at a woman and goes "ah. yes. she has fine 36c breasts, I can just tell by looking at her. And boy oh boy she's exactly 5'7"."

Describe it to the reader over the course of the story, but ditch the police report. And for the love of God, do not describe her nipples and whether she's clean shaven or not in essentially the first paragraph. Tease the reader a bit and spread these details throughout the story and only when it's story appropriate. There's no reason for the reader to know whether she's clean shaven until she's actually taken her panties off in the story.

Secondly, the little bit I managed to get through and the subsequent bits I skimmed, very much read like an instruction manual. "Diane did this. Sandy did that. Then Tom did this other thing. Now Tom is cumming. The end."

You need to consider being more descriptive and more emotive.

Finally, don't get discouraged, and keep practising. Consider reading some highly rated stories, and see how they compare to yours!