All Comments on 'What If? Ch. 06'

This part was way too short. Should've continued at least with his brother and him in Chicago to figure out why it was illegal, maybe it really wasn't

just read chapter 4 and 5. Enjoyable., flowed well and good character description. He is angry, hot but don't cheapen the story by rushing it or caving into the kick her to the curb crowd.. You've got an interesting story going...don't blow it.

Instead of taking up so much space by having all of your stories be 6 or 7 chapters, with each chapter being so short.

Great story, by the way.

And you see, I had a sinking feeling that the Brandon character was making a HUGE mistake in deciding to avoid telling Katy about the letter. (And just how the county made such an error was never explained, and makes no sense.)

Communication. What a concept!

Is this some device learned in writing school? If so, it's a really crappy device.

It doesn't increase emotional tension, if that's what it's designed to do. It annoys the reader by stringing out the dialogue for no good purpose and inserts a break where none is needed or effective.

It's enough for me to downgrade the quality of the writing by a bunch.