All Comments on 'What the Lightening Reveals'

Learn to spell.....

A very short story with no details on what kind of relationship they have, bad spelling, and loss of interest 1/2 way through the story. Maybe if you had developed your characters more I would have enjoyed it. Keep trying, but remember that details are needed in order for someone to be able to picture it in their heads.

not "Lightening"...

1 misspell in the Title,

plus 1 very overused formulaic premise

equals FAIL, YAWN, next ...

read similar stories before 100's of times and this was one of the worse ones

I know, this is mere semantics. It's supposed to be an erotic story. And, it had great potential to be one. Here's my question. They are in the dark. She pulls down his boxers and reveals his 7" cock. How did she know the length of his cock? She made no indications that she'd ever seen him naked. How could she tell, in the dark, by feel?

Very erotic but I would have added this:

I started licking my brother's hole but while buttering up his anal pepper ring with my barbed tongue, he farted. The sickly sweet odor made me vomit. The vomit blasted off his balls back ino my face. Yucko! Then the stench of my barf hit hs nose and I realized too late that he had a bad case of the runs. I opened my mouth to scream and just then a massive torrent of explosive diahrea blasted from his vomit coated asshole and flooded my mouth. I gurgled and swallowed the cocoa goodness and barfed over his legs. My barf sailed over him and into hs waiting mouth like a fountain. That's when Grandma walked in with her cane and shoved it up my ass until it came out of my mouth. Not fun, I tell 'ya!

You started off well and then it just didn't go anywhere. First off, find an editor, because you need help with your spelling and punctuation....not to mention an experienced editor can help you develop your story idea into something that isn't formulaic, and even if it is, it will be something worth reading if it's done well. That is of course if your serious about writing. If you're just doing it for fun and aren't serious about getting better don't waste your time and the time of a potential editor. The good ones are busy working with people who are serious about developing their writing skills and posting stories that readers are really interested in. They're not really into working on "stroke pieces".

You didn't take the time to develop your characters at all. You have to give the audience a chance to get to know who the characters are and care about them. You didn't describe them to us at all, so in the end all we could do was shrug our shoulders and kind of say, "Who cares?"

Just curious. Was the 'lightening' error yours or was it Literotica's? I have noticed that this error appears routinely in other stories by other authors. This error, and other similar errors, show up frequently. Some examples: 'to' where 'too' is needed, 'were' instead of 'where', 'anti' instead of 'ante', and so on ad nauseum. I wonder if the Literotica input protocol runs new stories through some sort of poorly written filter application before posting them? Perhaps an application written by a non-native English speaker? Like I said, just curious.

i liked it !! people will nit pick it to death, but the more you write the better you get. personally tho, if twin brother pops her cherry, and then erupts his semen into her, its a fair bet she gets pregnant. somethin to think about on your next story.

Short and sweet 👍