When The Past Comes Back To Bite You

"That's funny!" said Maria "It's your address Janice."

Neither Janice nor I answered.

The ride took only five minutes, five long minutes.

I paid the cab and we all walked into the building. Janice unlocked the front entrance door and we dutifully walk to the second floor. Janice was leading the way and stopped in front of my door. Dumbfounded, Maria looked at the next door down the hallway, Janice's door. I took my key and unlocked my door.

Maria, Janice and I silently entered my apartment.

"Ladies, take a seat. I'll go grab a few beers and we need to talk," I said.

Maria and Janice sat on the couch. A minute later, I came back and gave each of them a beer.

I don't know how much Janice told her Mom and neither what Maria could have told to Janice, but I had a bad feeling that I was the only one with all the information and that it was my duty to reveal the mess we were in.

I am many things but not a coward. Let's tackle the worst first.

"Maria, Janice I have to clear the air and tell you what is happening. You each have part of the truth, but not all of it. I hate to say what I will be saying because it might make me lose again the woman I love," I said. I looked at both my girls. One was the love of my life, and the other one was my daughter and the victim of a sad twist of fate.

"Janice, I will start with you," I said. "From what your mother told me today, I believe that you are my daughter."

As soon as I said that, both Maria and Janice jumped from the couch talking at the same time.

"No it can't be," said Janice.

"No it's not true," said Maria.

Both Janice and I turned toward Maria.

"But you said that I got you pregnant in high school," I said.

"Yes you did. But I was so upset after I broke up with you, and with the moving, and the recrimination... I had a miscarriage one month after we moved. I lost the baby. Anyway, Janice is only 20. She's too young," said Maria.

Both Janice and I sat down on our seats. Can you spell 'relief'?

Realization came upon Maria.

"Oh my God! I didn't have time to finish and tell you. You thought that Janice was your daughter. That's why you were so silent all evening, acting so weird," said Maria.

"Yes partly. I had other things also on my mind," I answered.

Maria sat back and started chuckling.

"I thought it was the news I told you earlier," she said.

"That, and more," I said.

I looked toward Janice. "I was wrong about you and now I feel a bit better," I said. Then I turned toward Maria.

"Maria, as you can probably surmise, Janice is my neighbour... Maria, I love you with all my heart and what you told me earlier is a fantastic news but..." I said, hesitant to say more.

My 'but' erased the smile forming on Maria's face.

Instead of finishing my sentence, I turned toward Janice. "Janice, I love your Mom with all my heart. I am hers with all my hearth and soul. Your Mom told me earlier at the restaurant that she is pregnant... with my child."

That revelation floored Janice. She looked at me, haggard. Then she looked at her mother who had resumed smiling at my profession of love. To Maria's surprise, but not mine, Janice put her head in her hands and started crying.

Maria put an arm around her shoulder. "It's alright Jaja! It won't change the love I have for you and Josh," she said, unaware of the real drama behind Janice's tears.

Janice gently disengaged herself from her mother's hold, grabbed her purse and stood up.

"I have to go home now, mom!" she said to her mother. Then she turned toward me. "Tell her or I will," she said gently.

She rushed to the door and left eliciting a visible mix of emotion in Maria, mostly surprise and sadness.

Maria turned toward me.

"Mark, I am so sorry. I can't believe that she would take it so hard. I really thought that she was happy that I met a man and fell in love with him. You should have let me break the news to my kids though. After all, you are still a stranger..." she said, glancing at me with askance on that last part.

"Hardly Maria, hardly. I've known Janice for many months now. After all, she is my next door neighbour..." I said.

Maria looked at me, unsure.

"We became friends when I helped her with an abusive boyfriend," I started to say. "A real good friend!"

Part of the puzzle finally started to take shape in Maria's mind. Her mouth went wide open in a 'Oh' of realization.

"You mean... you mean that..." she started to say.

"Yeah! Janice and I were lovers... before I met you," I answered her unasked question. I knew there was more hurtful admission to come.

"Maria, I want you to know that I love you as much as I loved you when we were younger. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. There's only you on my mind and in my heart. I want to be yours forever and I want you to be mine forever. And I have to be honest. You knew that I was seeing a woman before we met. She was the only woman after my divorce and before I met you... again. Oh my God! Maria, that woman was Janice, your daughter." I finally found the courage to tell her. And I knew also that I still had something hurtful to reveal.

Maria had slumped on the couch, away from me, crying. "What a mess!" she kept repeating.

I finally worked the courage to sit beside her, take her in my arms and started to sooth her.

It took a few minutes for her sobbing to subside. Now was the time to come with the real heartbreaker.

"Maria, do you understand how much I love you?" I asked.

"Yes!' answered Maria still sniveling.

"Do you love me as much?" I asked.

"Yes!" she mumbled, her head still on my shoulder. Then she looked at me and said "Yes!" more forcefully.

'This is it!' I thought.

"One week ago, Janice came to me with a very disturbing news. She told me that she was pregnant," I said.

Maria got an immediate mother's reflex. She sat up straighter on the couch.

"What? My daughter is pregnant and doesn't tell me? What's the matter with her? She should know that I will help her as much as I can," said Maria. Then she looked at me visibly hurt. "Why did she tell that to you and not to me?"

There it was.

"Because she thinks that I am the father," I answered, ready for everything.

It took a few seconds for my answer to register with Maria. I know. I was looking at her reaction all along.

It is hard to describe all the emotions I saw in her face. Indecision at first, followed by a heartfelt hurt, then a resolute look!

She stood up, looked at me and slapped me hard in the face. Then she left the apartment without a word.

I didn't have the strength to call after her. I just sat there, sipping my beer, celebrating another lost love.

I guessed that mother and daughter were now facing each other. I couldn't fathom what they might be saying but one thing was sure, they kept the volume down as I was unable to hear anything from the next apartment. Tears don't make noise I guess. Mine didn't.

I had a hard time to keep my mind coherent. One minute I saw myself darting next door, banging on the door of Janice's apartment, crying my love for Maria. The next, I was in my apartment being served with a paternity lawsuit, burdened with child support without the love that goes with paternity.

I was sprawled out on the couch, craving for a last contact with my two girls but finding only a cushion as a companion. Maria, I love you so much. I loved you all my life, never stopped loving you. Why did this nightmare HAVE to happen to us again?

I heard a soft knock on the door: Maria? Without bothering to look in the peephole I opened the door. A somber Joshua was standing there. Without waiting for an invite, he went pass me and sat on the armchair.

"Man! Are you in trouble! I've seen many things happen at the dorm, but this one is off the chart," he said. "Don't just stand there old man! Close that door and sit down."

I was relieved that he didn't punch me right off the bat. I was unsure if I warranted such a fate but the way I felt and the way the evening progressed, I was almost expecting it. Like a convict on his last night, I walked back to the couch and slouched myself there.

"Do you love my mom?" he asked.

"Yes! I love her. I would do anything to erase everything that happened in the last six months except meeting your mother. I wanted to finally have the chance to be with her forever. I love her with all my soul," I answered.

"Do you love Janice?" he asked.

"I like Janice. But it's not love, not the kind of love I feel for your mother, Joshua. As soon as I met your mother, I broke the relationship with Janice. Believe me Joshua, Janice is not between me and your mom," I said truthfully.

Joshua looked at me without saying a word. I sensed he was not an enemy. He seemed rather cool for such a young man and facing such a fucked-up situation. Maria and Tom did a really good job, I thought.

"And what do you plan to do?" he asked.

"I know that your mother is really hurt and wants nothing to do with me anymore. But I kept thinking that the best thing would be for Janice to give away her baby..." I saw the frown of Joshua's face. "... so that your mother and I could adopt it and raise him or her with our own. I love your mother and I think we can raise both kids. But Joshua, I fear it is wishful thinking."

Joshua sat there again without saying a word, seemingly brooding over my solution. He finally got up.

"I am going to see my mom and my sister now. We have a lot to talk about. Man, you are so fucked-up. But next time we meet, please call me Josh, not Joshua," he said.

That last sentence raised my spirit a lot. I realized that I had an ally. I spent the next hour fretful and fearful but my brooding was less somber. Joshua, no Josh, had given me hope.

After an hour, close to midnight, I heard another knock on the door. This time I looked through the peephole. The whole family was there. I opened the door, fearful of what was coming next.

I opened the door and I saw right away that Maria had cried a lot and still had her eyes red from the many tears she shed. But I couldn't read her at the moment. She seemed distant but staring straight at me at the same time. I couldn't decipher her mood. She didn't seem mad, which was a good sign. She didn't seem to be very loving either, which was what I feared. There was sadness and expectancy in her face.

"Point one for the guys," said Joshua. "He had only eyes for you mom!"

Again, Joshua pushed his way in the apartment, followed by Janice, who looked very subdued, and Maria.

However, I stopped Maria on the threshold, gently gripping her arm.

"Maria! Whatever the decision you reached, remember that I love you as I have never loved anybody else before," I said.

She looked up at me and simply squeezed my hand before going to sit on the couch with Joshua and Janice.

I don't know if they had a script before coming over, but this mess was largely of my own making and I decided I had to be the one to first break the ice. I didn't really know what I was doing, everything being so far from my past experiences, but I had to say what I wanted to happen next.

"This is a real fucked-up situation and I am ready to face whatever you guys have decided. Maria, I love you too much to go against your wishes. You might break my heart again, but it is of no consequence. All that matters is what you feel is right. Janice, as I told you before, I am ready to assume my paternity. You are too young to be hampered with a baby. You have so much in front of you. Have the baby and I will take care of it. You will have the choice to be part of the way I raise the child or to be totally cut from it. The same apply to you Maria. I can take care of the baby by myself even if I have to hire a nanny."

"Yeah, right! And the nanny will turned up pregnant within a year," said Josh.

I turned toward him, ready to lash back. But I saw his mischievous smile. I calmed down.

"Come on girls, go ahead! I am ready for whatever you want to throw my way," I said.

Maria and Janice looked at each other and an understanding passed between them. Janice then turned toward me.

"I will go with your idea," she said. "I will have the baby and will give you all custodial rights and I expect you will not ask for child support. Anyway, I have no money to give. I... I... would like very much to be allowed to see the baby once in a while. It will be up to you to eventually tell the child that I am his or her mother. Would it be alright with you?"

"Absolutely, Janice! I am willing to take care of the child all by myself. As for revealing your motherhood, we will see to that when the need arises. I will make you part of the decision," I answered. "Over the last few months, I learned that you are a very nice young lady and I swear to you that you will be part of the child's life as much as you want. Do you have more requests, questions?"

"No!" she said. "I did my part. Now it is between you and Mom."

On that last sentence, she got up and headed toward the door, followed closely by Josh.

It left Maria and me alone for the final confrontation.

I looked at her full of expectations. Her face was still an unreadable mask. God! I love her and I swore to myself that given a chance I would learn to read her better than that.

"You guys already reached a verdict," I guessed.

She simply nodded, looking straight at me for the first time.

"And?" I asked.

She didn't say a word for a while but simply looked at me. The animosity was gone but her face was sad and uncertain. I got up and went on my knees in front of her.

"Can I venture another guess?" I asked.

Again, she simply nodded.

"You realized that I was truthful all along, never lied to anybody, that I really love you and decided that we would care for the two babies together," I said, very hopeful.

Her gaze lost its sternness as I spoke. It filled with affection.

"Yes!" she simply said.

There was still a lot of work facing me but I felt like a heavy weight lifted from my mind. I put my head on her lap and started crying.

"I love you, all the three of you," I cried.

Her fingers started to gently stroke my hair.

"I know. We know!" she said.

Epilogue

Maria and I were married in a civil ceremony at City Hall two months later. It was a bit quick but that way we avoided both Maria and Janice showing their pregnancy in front of all the families. My parents were overjoyed with the return of Maria into the family fold. Maria's parents were a bit more cautious, still having to come to grip with the fact that I wasn't the scoundrel they thought I would become. Her Dad still gave away the bride and her Mom was greatly reassured that Josh was my first man.

Aside from Janice, Josh, Maria, and me, nobody knew about the babies to come. Later, we made it a family decision to say nothing about my involvement in Janice's pregnancy. That would be too much for both sets of parents. The birth certificates shows that I am the father of both children, but they were soon put in my box at the bank.

Six months after the wedding, Janice gave birth to a beautiful 7 pound crying baby girl and we adopted her right away. Three weeks later Maria had our baby boy. We agreed to call him Tom, to honour Maria's late husband.

Life is good!