Who I Am Ch. 02

I stood from my sitting position, a little surprised that my knees weren't shaking and purposely walked towards him with a little extra switch in my steps. I pressed my entire body into him as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "JJ, I have never been more ready. I want you to know I am your girl now, the next 3 years you're in New York, and forever." My voice was now quivering and my eyes filled with water as I continued, "You deserve to have every part of me and I am prepared to be completely faithful to you while you are gone. Please let me give you the best gift I have to give."

He tried to open his mouth to say something, but I quickly covered his lips with mine. I held the back of his neck firmly as we kissed more passionately than ever. We took turns aggressively exploring each other's mouths until we had to come up for breath. When I finally looked at him he was breathing heavily and intently stared his green eyes into my crystal brown ones. For a brief moment I thought I saw into to his soul, but I quickly learned it was just him making the decision to rapidly move me back towards the bed. Before I knew it, I was laying on my back with my legs firmly separated by his body. Just as I was getting used to the position he sat up on his heels and peered down at me. I felt myself getting choked up because I knew he was about to say something to me. More importantly I knew it was going to be a declaration of love. But, to my utter confusion, he began sliding my barely-there panties off all while never breaking eye contact with me. He moved his legs to the left side of my body to get the panties completely off. He slouched over and spread my legs wider. It was then that he finally spoke, "Honey, your pussy is absolutely and completely perfect". I felt my cheeks getting warm at his statement. He must have noticed too, because he held the left side of my face and stroked my cheekbone with his thumb.

Without an additional word, he went from caressing my face to gently gripping my neck. While holding my neck with his right hand, he unclasped my bra with his left. He let go of my neck and slid the straps of my bra down and tossed the garment on the floor. "Honey, God made your entire body perfect", he moaned into my chest, "Thank you so much for sharing it with me". I was too afraid to talk so I lightly moaned back. He continued to kiss down my body until he reached my smooth mound. My whole body tensed as he placed a sweet open mouthed kiss right where my left thigh met my sex. Though I was stiff as a board, he didn't relent. He continued those kisses in a clockwise circle until a final anxiety riddling kiss landed right above my clit. Every nerve ending in my body was concentrating on his next move. Then it happened, Jamie enclosed my love bud in his mouth and released the sexiest groan I've ever heard. I am almost sure I blacked out. When I was able to regain some semblance of consciousness he was still licking, kissing, and sucking me in ways that are still unmatched to this day.

He kept carrying me to newer, higher and more intense pleasures. I faintly heard him speak through my clouded mind, "I knew you didn't only look like honey. I knew you'd taste like it too. I can't get enough". As soon as he finished talking he licked me square from my ass to my clit. I don't have the words to explain the full body sensation I experience right then. What I do remember is my stomach being sore for two days from how hard I came. If I thought I was in love before, I was now officially sprung. I didn't think it could get any better than this and unfortunately, I was right.

As my body calmed down, Jamie rested his head on my stomach and lightly rubbed my lower lips. It felt so relaxing and kept my orgasm from completely dissipating. I should have known this was the beginning of the end because nothing good ever lasts. Jamie slowly parted my lips and rubbed up and down my slit. As I was thinking how heavily it was, Jamie said, "Honey, you are so wet. You don't know how happy I am knowing I will finally be inside you". Hearing those words instantly made me wetter. If having him inside me was even 50% of what I just experienced, he may not have a penis by the time he was thirty.

I was so ready to feel him. I was full of excitement about what was to come and at the same time, full of regret for waiting so long. I was ready, and I needed him to know it. So I whispered, "Jamie, I am ready to feel you inside of me now. I can't wait any longer. I love you so very much". He let out a groan that almost frightened me, as he maneuvered and scrambled to undressed himself. When I realized he was naked, I wanted to open my eyes that had been tightly shut since my orgasm to look at his penis; but I couldn't bring myself to do it. At that time, I felt the wonderful warmth of his mouth return to my womanhood. This time it wasn't sweet. He was animalistic making noises and moans that fueled my desire and anticipation. Then he did the worst thing he could have ever thought to do. As he was assaulting my clit with the rapid strokes of the tip of his tongue (which was blowing my mind), he slid two fingers into me and kept pumping them in and out.

ALL PLEASURE HALTED.

Those fingers did NOT feel good. Every good feeling I was experiencing instantly left my body. All I could think about was how terrible this was, and that I didn't want to continue. Apparently, Jamie didn't recognize the change, because he was still coming at me full force. I thought he understood something was wrong when he sat on his heels, but I quickly realized he was about to proceed with consummating our relationship. For me it was do or die time. I didn't want to be an Indian-giver and take the promise of sex away; but I also didn't think I was ready to cross that threshold if it was going to feel like these fingers did. One of two things were possible here, his penis was going to mimic these fingers or it was going to more amazing than his tongue could ever be. Today, I was no longer willing to find out.

Jamie was now rubbing the tip of his penis on my opening. He softly asked, "Are you ready for me baby?" This was it. Was I a woman of my word or wasn't I? I said a little louder than I wanted while pushing him away, "Jamie, I can't!"

He didn't react poorly. He just slumped down next to me and pulled me close. It wasn't a comfortable position for me because I was filled with guilt. "Jamie, we shouldn't be together because I am broken and I'm not sure how to fix it."

"Honey, you are the love of my life. Maybe this time apart will be good for us. We can continue to ease into becoming more sexual. What you have given me today is more than I thought you'd give. Karen, you have me," he cooed.

"I love you too and that is why you have to leave now. Delete my number and find a woman who has it together." I was now sitting upright looking around the room for a t-shirt or robe I could grab. "In actuality Jamie, this was just a final attempt to save a relationship you and I both know was dying. You are going to New York in two weeks for three whole years anyway."

"Karen, what the fuck is wrong with you. I just told you that I am good; no, that WE are good. You don't have to be embarrassed that you changed your mind."

"Oh don't worry, I am not embarrassed. I am disgusted that I let it get this far. I don't want you Jamie. Get the hell out of my house."

"You are so full of shit Karen. Don't call me tomorrow telling me you made a mistake. I am done chasing you. I'm done trying to convince you," he slid on his last shoe and concluded, "And I am completely done loving you."

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE JAMIE," I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"With pleasure", he said while briskly walking out of my room. A few seconds later I heard my front door slam. I immediately ran behind him and locked the top and bottom locks. I had to take action to symbolize I was closing the door on this chapter of my life. I returned to my room and spent the rest of the night taking out my frustrations on my lovie.

*****

Today...

"Why would you want to go out to lunch with me Jamie?"

"There are a number of reasons, but mostly because baby K here never told you I was looking for you." I looked in my sister's direction but she kept her eyes on the floor.

Jamie had been looking for me? It doesn't make any sense. We didn't exactly end our relationship on a good note. On the other hand, my interest is peaked. Curiosity killed the cat, and I guess I am ready to die.

"What time are you picking me up," I smiled.