by eddiejo
Kind of weak. Needs more and better content.
Nice story line but needs better background and
a lot more detail. It's close but not there yet.
This was my first attempt which is no excuse. I agree that it is a bit flimsy but I am pleased that the comments said 'It's close but not there yet.' - encouraging response to persuade me to try again.
Thanks
I enjoyed your story -- please keep writing. (When I copied it to my list of saved stories, I added some more explicit parts re the sex. That was the only part that I had suggestions for improvement for. The lead-up to the sex was very good, but you short-changed the actual sex part.