Will You Love Me 'Til I Die? Ch. 16

"That's perfect Anne, in fact I think it's an omen. I just got an email from a researcher who told me about two doctors in Geneva who have been working on an experimental cancer treatment. They've only treated two other patients but now they want to scale up to a clinical trial and they need money. I only know a little about what they do but I think you should go talk to them. Hang on and I'll send you their names and address in a text."

In a few seconds the alert sounded for the text.

"I've got it, I'll go right there and see what this is all about. Thank you Bernie."

"Anne you know I'd do anything for you if it had the slightest chance of helping you. Good luck."

Anne told the others to do some sightseeing for a while because she had to go see someone connected with her business. She told Vitesha she'd call her when she wanted to be picked up. In twenty minutes she and I were walking into a large modern hospital. We went inside and inquired at the information desk about the two doctors. We were directed to offices on the third floor.

When we walked in the office we went to the receptionist and asked if either of the doctors were available. The receptionist asked if we had an appointment. Suvarna told her that she did not but she was sure they would want to talk to her about the funding for their clinical trial and gave them Bernie's name and said he recommended she come here. She asked us to wait.

In about five minutes a man came through the door and introduced himself as Dr. Frank Chesney and asked what he could do for us. Suvarna looked at him and said, "My name is Anne Cordet. I have an inoperable brain tumor and I got a call from my oncologist in New York who suggested you might be able to help me."

"I have heard of your doctor. He is a very good neuro-oncologist. Right now my therapy is experimental and we have only treated two patients. It has not been approved by any agency for general use. We are trying to find funding for a more extensive clinical trial but that could take two to three years before it's completed."

"If you were to take a look at my records and if after seeing them you thought you might be able to do something for me then I would be inclined to do something for you."

"What would you be able to do for me?"

"Fund your clinical trial."

"Do you realize how much that costs?"

"Would ten million euros be enough to get you started?"

"Yes, that would do quite nicely."

We spent the next two hours in Dr. Chesney's office going over Anne's records and test results, which were sent to him electronically. He told her that she had the same type of cancer as the first two test subjects and that he wanted to do an MRI to see what the state of the tumor was now before making a decision. When he examined the results he said Anne would be an ideal test subject. Then he asked her what she had been doing since the last MRI.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because this type of tumor always progresses quickly and yours has actually gotten a little smaller. That's very unusual, almost unheard of."

"I've made some changes in the past two months. First I fell in love. I've changed to a macrobiotic diet, I meditate every day, I do a visualization every night and ask the tumor not to grow and I have lots of sex every day. Have you ever heard of a tumor being fucked to death?"

"I've not seen scientific evidence to support that but please, don't let that deter you. I'll have to recommend that therapy to my other patients. It probably wouldn't hurt for me to adopt that regimen."

He told her she would have to sign consent forms for voluntarily subjecting herself to this procedure. In addition she would have to pay two hundred and fifty thousand euros to have it done. The good news is that the actual operation was almost without risk.

He then told us what the therapy was. He and his colleague had worked with other doctors in Geneva that were doing genetic modification experiments to develop new pesticides and herbicides for crops. Part of this research involved modifying the genes of viruses. They got the idea of modifying the virus that caused the common cold in humans.

It took two years but they succeeded in developing a variation of this virus that could identify and attack cancer cells. They first did a biopsy of the tumor to remove cells that would then be treated and used to load their genetic material into the new virus so it would know exactly which cells to attack. Then the new virus is injected into the tumor through the same tiny fiber optic cable that was used to do the biopsy.

Anne said she thought the tumor couldn't be accessed without killing the brain tissue that surrounded it. He told her that to do a conventional operation would do exactly that but they weren't going to cut the tumor out they were going to kill it right where it was from the inside. The virus that's injected is programmed to think the tumor is its food. It will keep replicating as long as it has something to eat then it will die and your immune system will get rid of it like it does with the other dead cells in your body.

She then asked him about the first two patients who had done this. He told her that in a week the tumor was gone in both of them and now eight months later there were still no cancer cells detected. He of course said he couldn't guarantee it would work for her because there wasn't enough study done yet on the first two patients to draw any conclusions.

She asked him how long the operation would take and he told her four hours. Most of that time was preparation and inserting the tiny cable into her brain. The biopsy would be done in about thirty minutes and her tumor's genetic material would be loaded into the virus in about thirty minutes more. The injection would only take about five minutes and she would be conscious the entire time. Then they would patch the little hole in her head and she could leave.

"This just sounds too fucking easy doctor, if you don't mind my saying."

"Ms. Cordet this procedure is simple but I assure you it has not been easy to get this far with developing it."

"When can you do it?"

"Would tomorrow morning be too soon?"

"What time should I be here?"

"Seven AM. Don't eat anything else today and have an enema in the morning. We won't give you an anesthetic but we don't want you to go to the bathroom during the procedure. Your head will be immobilized but we can make arrangements for you to urinate so you can drink fluids."

"Will I have to stay in Geneva so you can do follow up tests?"

"No. All we need is an MRI. You can have that done almost anywhere and send me the results."

"If you'll give me an account number I'll stop at the bank and transfer your money?"

Dr. Chesney opened his desk drawer and pulled out a blank check and wrote void on it. "Send it to this account."

"Dr. Chesney can you wait until the end of September for me to send you the results of an MRI to see what's going on?"

"I'd like to have one sooner but if you insist then that will have to do. Why do you want to wait?"

"I'm on a trip through Europe and I don't want to know if this has worked until I get back. I don't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed."

"I understand. Send me the results when you get back to New York."

"If this works, I'll send you the ten million euros along with the results."

"Then we both have something to look forward to. I'll see you in the morning."

We walked to a nearby bank and went inside to see a manager. "Do you have that much money in this bank?"

"I've got money in banks all over the world and if I don't then one of my sub-corporations does."

She made a phone call to one of her financial team members back in the states and got an account number to use then gave it to the manager to verify. When he was satisfied that it was an account she had access to she handed him Dr. Chesney's check and told him to transfer two hundred fifty thousand euros. The manager left and returned in about five minutes and handed her a receipt and Dr. Chesney's check. She put the receipt and the check in her purse on the off chance she would need it again and we called Vitesha to come get us.

Suvarna didn't want anybody else to know about this. We asked David if we could borrow his car and early the next morning the two of us snuck out to drive to the hospital. I went up with her but she told me to go get some breakfast and do some tourist stuff while she was having this done and she would call me when I could come back.

I did as she asked even though I was a little nervous about this. A little after twelve she called me. I had already walked back near the hospital so it didn't take me long to get there. She looked like she hadn't done anything more than getting her teeth cleaned at the dentist.

"Well, how did it go?"

"Just the way he told us. It was really quite boring."

"Do you mean uninteresting or are you making a pun because they drilled a hole in your head?"

"That's cute, I hadn't even thought of that. I mean it was uninteresting. I didn't feel anything except a little pressure when they drilled the hole. They talked to me and told me what they were doing. It seemed to take forever to get the computer equipment lined up to guide the cable to the tumor. I was very surprised they could poke around in my brain and I couldn't feel what they were doing."

She showed me the little patch band-aide she had over the hole. You couldn't even see it unless she pulled her hair back.

"Prem I don't want to talk or think about this again until we finish our trip. It's a complete crap shoot that this will work so let's just pretend it never happened and see whatever we see when we get back to New York. Now find me a restaurant, I'm hungry."

We drove back to the chateau after getting some lunch.

We decided to leave on Sunday since we originally planned to make Sunday our travel day. We planned to leave early because it would take over six hours to drive to Innsbruck even if we only stopped to pee and get gas. Vitesha looked at the map and suggested we take a southerly route once we got to Zurich so we could drive by the lake. Then we could turn north at Sargans and go through Liechtenstein just for the hell of it. We would pick up the highway at Feldkirch and head east to Innsbruck. Our final destination was near a little town called Mutters, south of Innsbruck in the Alps.

Saturday morning at breakfast Mitra asked David if he had decided to accompany us on the remainder of our journey. He answered that he felt very comfortable with us and was grateful for what Mitra had done for him. But he still didn't feel entirely sure that traveling around having sex with a group of people was the right thing to do. He was concerned that the people he worked for would think it was wrong if they found out about it.

"David I'm going to tell you a little story. It is one of the most beautiful parables ever spoken by one of the most beautiful enlightened masters that ever lived. Don't worry about understanding it the first time you hear it. I heard it over twenty years ago and every time I hear it again I find new meaning in it and it takes me deeper into what it means to be a disciple. Have you ever heard of a man named Lao Tzu?"

"No I haven't."

"Lao Tzu is the enlightened being who began the Tao tradition. The book 'Tao te ching' is an elaboration of the Tao... sort of. Actually it is a book of hints about the Tao. It begins with the most profound words ever uttered about religion:

'The Tao that can be spoken of is not the true Tao.'

I cannot comment on that. The parable I'm going to tell you is attributed to one of Lao Tzu's disciples, Lieh Tzu. Try to listen very carefully; every word of this story is meaningful. It is poetry in its absolute purest form. One of Lieh Tzu's disciples who had only recently joined him would constantly beg for secrets of the Tao so he could hurry up and become enlightened. Finally Lieh Tzu said to him:"

'Three years after I came to be with my master my mind no longer dared to think of right and wrong and my mouth no longer dared to speak of benefit and harm. It was only then that I got so much as a glance from the master.

After five years my mind was again thinking of right and wrong and my mouth was again speaking of benefit and harm. For the first time the master's face relaxed into a smile.

After seven years I thought of whatever came into my mind without any longer distinguishing between right and wrong and I said whatever came into my mouth without any longer distinguishing between benefit and harm. For the first time the master pulled me over to sit with him on the same mat.

After nine years I thought without restraint of whatever came into my mind and said without restraint whatever came into my mouth without knowing whether the right or wrong, benefit or harm were mine or another's and without knowing whether the master was my teacher or not. Everything was the same.'

"David, as you are you cannot distinguish right from wrong. That's not what you should base your decision on. You have the rare opportunity to have a taste of what it means to be with an enlightened master. If it took someone as beautiful as Lieh Tzu nine years to get it how do you expect to do it in four days? Unfortunately we don't have nine years. The sex is just a technique. There are many other techniques but sex is powerful and can help us move into the experience a little faster.

The only thing you need to make your decision is this: do you feel the love here and do you want to go deeper into it? Will you allow it to transform you? This is your life not your employer's or your parent's or your ex-wife's. You don't have to commit the rest of your life to this if you don't feel it is for you. We only have three weeks remaining in Europe. If you decide to leave, then you can come back here at any time. I'm not trying to convince you one way or the other, follow your heart."

"Mitra you have only recently put me in touch with my heart again. It is only now that I can even begin to trust it. When I look at you I see something that seems to be real, something I can truly trust. Even though it scares me, I do want to go with you. I will try to be open to what you have to teach me. I'll need to take my car back to my apartment and put it in the garage and pick up some clothes."

We planned to do that when we went out for dinner. To help dispel his fears about continuing on with us, Janelle and Genevieve told him they would like to spend the morning with him since they had not had an opportunity to be with him since the first day he was here and they showered together.

I wanted to spend the morning making love with Suvarna. Regardless of how many others she now had to love, this whole adventure began with us and I did not want her to feel the slightest bit like I was neglecting her. I wasn't being completely unselfish; I loved having her in my arms and wanted to be with her as much as possible.

Mitra invited Jean, Vitesha and Alysse to go for a walk around the property after which they would play in the pool for a while. Mitra could turn anything into a meditation, even a simple walk.

Suvarna and I went to the bathroom in one of the towers and gave each other enemas then got into a hot bath with perfumed salts that we purchased at the spa. I lay back and Suvarna lay back on me between my legs. "That was some story Mitra told this morning. Where does she get them?"

"I have no idea but it's going to take me a while to absorb the meaning. I feel like you and I have reached the level where we no longer dare to think of right and wrong. We no longer need to speak of love. It's like the water in this tub. We're just in it. What do you think we will feel like in the next level?"

"In the next level not only will we not need to speak of love we will not need to feel it. We won't be like people in a tub we will be like fish in the sea. Even though we silently sit in the water we are still aware of it as something other than us. Soon we will be like the fish; it will be so much a part of us that we will not even need to be aware of it as something different."

She turned slightly to look at me. "Prem that's how it will be when we are one. There will be no I and no thou. Love will cease to be a verb because there will no longer be a subject and an object. We won't do it anymore because we will simply be it. Oh my darling Prem that's how it will be when my body dies. I won't leave you because I will no longer be here."

I held her close and closed my eyes to see if I could experience this. For a few seconds I felt what she had said. I couldn't say love, I couldn't think love, I couldn't feel love. I was love. I couldn't say we were love because there wasn't any we. It was like two black holes merging, nothing is left of the individual black holes, there is now only one. No trace of what belonged to one or the other exists anymore.

When I could think again I remembered watching a cartoon when I was young that featured a character named Foghorn Leghorn, a large, boisterous rooster that was a blowhard with a southern accent. A small chicken hawk was obsessed with trying to catch Foghorn to make a meal of him.

They both were in the barnyard when they spotted a big juicy worm and each got hold of one end of it. After a fruitless struggle for ownership, Foghorn decided they should cut the worm in half so he put it on a tree stump and raised a hatchet to chop it in two. Before he could do it the worm contracted into Foghorn's fingers. Foghorn proclaimed that the half belonging to the chicken hawk had disappeared. The chicken hawk pulled the worm out of Foghorn's fingers and stretched it back to full length. Foghorn raised the hatchet again and the worm contracted into the chicken hawk's fingers.

Foghorn snatched the worm from the chicken hawk and threw it in his mouth and swallowed it. He then said something that I only now realized how profound his statement was. He said his half too had disappeared so that was that. You can argue with me and I can argue with you but we can't argue with mathematics. Half a nothing and half a nothing make a whole nothing so there's nothing to fight over.

I was really amazed that so long ago, in a cartoon, such an esoteric concept as nothingness was so humorously portrayed. Not even Jean Paul Sartre could have put it better. He said 'In love, one and one are one.' That is true but it is not the whole truth. That is the mathematics of love and black holes but the mathematics of mysticism says that in enlightenment, one and one are nothing. I decided this was something I dare not think about.

"My love, before we reach that moment, while we are still two, let's finish our bath and go enjoy loving each other and dare not think of right and wrong."

"Prem take one of your Viagra pills. I want to fuck you all day."

We took wet washcloths, towels and massage oil back to the bedroom with us. There was an elevated four-poster bed in the room along with two very comfortable upholstered chairs with a small table between them. She told me to sit on the side of the bed and she put a towel and a washcloth beside me and laid the bottle of oil on them then walked over and removed the seat cushion from one of the chairs and placed it on the floor where I was sitting. When she knelt on it her head was at the height of my cock between my spread legs.

"I haven't been with you since our trip to the spa. You're all hairless and smooth again so I can see and feel every part of you. Which one of us do you think loves my oral attention to your beautiful cock and balls more; you or me?"