Will You Love Me 'Til I Die? Ch. 22

It was much more powerful when done in a group and she had found it most effective in India when everyone sat very close to each other so we all touched. She said that often when she was doing it, the person in front of her would have a Satori and fall backward into her lap. This made her own experience more intense because she would pick up on what was happening to the person in Satori.

It was a perfect night for it. There was enough moonlight that we didn't have to light the torches. Mitra and I sat in the front the way we had been today with her directly behind me with her arms and legs around me while I sat cross-legged. The rest of the group formed a bunched up semi-circle around us. There was no music, only the sound of the gentle waves washing up on the beach.

It didn't take us long to get back to the same state we had been in before. The level of love was constant and very high now. The others soon followed us into deep silence. Some put their foreheads against the back of the neck of the person in front of them. Others put their legs around the person in front of them. Everybody seemed to be adjusting to get in to alignment with the energy, which, unlike some of the sexual meditations, was constant and fluid. Like the blue glow of nuclear fuel rods making a sound at a frequency that was below what you could hear.

Once we all achieved balance, the energy flowed through us like a group form of circulating the light. You couldn't see it, in fact you could barely perceive it at all but it was extremely powerful. This was the deepest I had ever gone into meditation. I couldn't possibly describe it in words.

We would probably have stayed there all night if Mitra hadn't finally snapped out of it and announced that the meditation was over. Nobody said a word as we all untangled and got to our feet. It would take some time for the effect to subside. We all walked slowly back to the house and dispersed for bed. I found Angelika and took her hand. She looked at me the way only Mitra had ever looked at me before. It was a look of pure serenity and love. It came from her very being and was met with my own. Nothing was said. We just knew.

I had a fleeting thought of how much I was going to miss being with all these people when they left now that we had achieved this level. I knew this was attachment. I knew everything that begins must end. I knew that once you get to the top of Mt. Everest there is nothing else to do but start back down. But still I would miss my lovers.

Angelika and I made our way to one of the bedrooms on the third floor. We took a long leisurely bath in the tub and continued our meditation by washing and caressing each other. As I ran my hands over her beautiful body I thought of the meaning of Mitra's name. She said it meant friend and loving-kindness. What else should you be to your friend if not loving and kind? Angelika was my friend. I loved her. Why would I ever be anything else but kind to her? I kissed her tenderly everywhere I could. I bathed her like I would bathe Victoria when she was born. She did the same to me. All of this affection was made much more intense because we never said a word.

We took our time and finally got out and dried each other then moved to the bed where we continued the affection by rubbing moisturizer on each other while we kissed and caressed and exulted in the pleasure we were giving each other. We eventually got around to rubbing the moisturizer on our genitals before we got too blissed out to make love. I sucked her breasts for a long time and rubbed her bald pussy with my hand to feel the warmth emanating from it.

She moved into position to suck my cock and did it with so much love it almost hurt. She felt the same way when my mouth pressed softly on her slit and my tongue slid slowly along it. She moaned as the intimacy became almost too much to bear. Gradually our arousal began to build to the point where my cock was hard from the loving attention it was getting from her tongue. I focused on it and began to move my hips to slide in and out of her mouth.

I could feel the sexual heat building slowly up in each of us. Her slit was wet from my licking it and her juices began to increase their flow. I moved my head from between her legs and got on my knees. "How do you want me?"

Still without saying a word she rolled onto her stomach and spread her legs. I put a pillow under her hips to raise them up then moved between her legs. I took a minute to look at her fabulous ass and the lips of her pussy framed between her cheeks. I rubbed my hands over her soft flesh and leaned down to plant kisses all over her warm butt. Then I moved in and directed my cock to her opening and eased inside her. She breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly as she felt the head of my hot cock begin to slide into her. She raised her hips to assist my entry and I pressed forward until I was buried in the hot pink cocoon of her vagina.

The back of her thighs and her ass cheeks pressing against my hips were warm and comfortable and exciting. I lowered my body down until I was lying on top of her and moved my hands under her to cup her breasts. She turned her head to the side and I kissed her neck and face. Her breathing was slow and steady and deep. I pulled up with my hips and began to slowly slide in and out of her.

It was almost difficult to continue to stroke in and out of her. Everywhere our bodies touched communicated love between us and the sex seemed to diminish the connection. I knew she felt this too because each time I would bottom out in her she would squeeze my cock tightly as if she didn't want it to leave her. It was very tempting to just stop and stay joined with her and feel the powerful sensations of our love. I kept on stroking at a slow but steady pace until we both began to feel the effects of our lovemaking.

I wasn't going to force this. Our bodies seemed to be telling us the pace they wanted and I submitted to that directive. It took a while but we both became adjusted to the movement and I felt her get wetter with each insertion. She began to whimper as she allowed the sexual feelings full expression within her. I continued this relaxed rhythm for what seemed like a long time until the first signs of an orgasm began to make themselves felt. It seemed to be coming from somewhere far away and crept slowly towards us like a hazy mist.

The orgasm began but it wasn't a climax. It originated in our sex centers but didn't stay there. Instead it spread through us like the blood in our veins going everywhere and galvanizing our nervous systems. The energy refused to localize in any one place. Every cell in our bodies felt supercharged by it. It was impossible to speak or even have a thought while this was occurring. I literally couldn't tell where my body stopped and hers began. This was even more powerful than circulating the light. This was being enveloped by the light. I didn't even know if I was still breathing.

I couldn't possibly say how long it lasted. Not that it mattered. The sensations dissipated slowly and never completely subsided. A remnant, a gift had been left behind in each of us as a permanent reminder of what love feels like at the highest level. Eventually she pulled away and rolled over to face me. I can't even begin to describe the look on her face. Imagine every good feeling you've ever had magnified by a factor of ten. She pressed against me and wrapped her arms around me to pull me tightly to her warm body then kissed me like it would be the last thing she would ever do. Nothing had ever felt so good as her in my arms at that moment. We stayed like that the rest of the night. I don't know if we went to sleep or not but we did a lot of kissing.

When the first glow of the morning began to invade the room I almost couldn't tell if it was coming from the sun or from us. We were still wrapped tightly in each other's arms and feeling better than we had ever felt before. I couldn't stop kissing her. Her sweet lips were like a drug that I would never be able to get enough of. Ripples of ecstasy ran through me every time I pressed my lips to hers. If I hadn't had to pee so bad I would have stayed there with her the rest of the day, maybe the rest of my life.

With a supreme effort I managed to pull myself away and roll to the edge of the bed. I slid my legs over and got to my feet. I felt fabulous. "Come on my love, a new day is dawning." Her smile could have melted steel.

"Well I guess I got my answer. This is real. My imagination is not capable of dreaming up what we did last night. I will never be the same again because of it."

We headed for the bathroom and when we finished there we went downstairs to see what was going on. The others had already started to gather for the morning meditation. I got a cup of coffee and looked around. From the expressions on their faces it appeared that Angelika and I weren't the only ones that had experienced something extraordinary last night. Everybody seemed to have a sort of ecstatic hangover from what had transpired.

When we were all there we went out by the pool and got ready to do some Tai Chi. Mitra said that the energy we had built up last night needed to be kept flowing and this was a great way to do it. We had done a little of this before on one of the beaches we stopped at while we were on Lorelei. We did it for thirty minutes and then did something she called Sufi dancing to some exotic Indian music.

This was the beginning of our last week together as a group. Each day seemed to increase the love between us and the meditations got more powerful. We continued the massages and spent the night with different partners just as before but the sex had changed completely. It was no longer the hot passionate copulation that characterized it in the beginning. It had transformed into long sessions of cool tender lovemaking where the actions were more like Tai Chi moves that were done deliberately, lovingly and meditatively. We spoke less but communicated more. All of us knew that something very special would soon be coming to an end so the level of love and cooperation between us rose significantly.

Plans were made for everyone's departure. The crew would take Lorelei back to St. Thomas on Thursday. They decided to spend Wednesday night on board so they could leave at first light. David was going with them because he loved sailing. Angelika decided she would go with them too to keep him company and they could both take the same flight back to Zurich on Saturday. Giorgio, Daniella and Genevieve were flying to St. Thomas on Saturday and would transfer to a flight to Milan.

In order to maximize our time here, Suvarna decided she would just charter a private jet for the rest of us so we could fly direct from Antigua. Alysse was going to stay with us in New York for a while to get familiar with her new duties as property manager. The twins wanted to stay in New York with us too but Suvarna would not let them miss returning to school so she made them promise that if they went with us on the private jet they would remain on the plane when we arrived at the airport and as soon as it refueled, it would take them directly to the airport in Bordeaux.

At dinner on Tuesday night Suvarna stood and spoke to all of us. "This will be the last time we gather together like this as a group and I want to tell all of you how much you mean to me. When this adventure began it was the result of my desperate attempt to convince the only person I knew that I thought was capable of it to show me what I had been missing my entire life. I asked Prem to show me what love is and to help me experience it. I was lonely and scared and would have settled for companionship and sex. What I have received is something I would never have believed possible.

Through his unselfish compassion and love I have come to know love as few people have been privileged to know it and it has been my rare honor to be able to share what I've learned with all of you. I would have been more than satisfied if Prem and I had just stayed in New York and shared the love he helped me to feel but he found ways to take us both as deep into the wonders of love as it is humanly possible to go.

My life is now divided into two distinct phases. The first was spent in pursuit of wealth, prestige and power. I accumulated things, most of which I never even had personal contact with, like the properties I visited on this trip. Oscar Wilde once defined a cynic as someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. By that definition I was one of the worlds greatest cynics.

Being told that I would die soon forced me to look inside myself for something to give me solace, to mitigate the tremendous fear I felt but I couldn't find anything of value. That's when I realized I was already dead because I existed in the world of materialism and had missed the only thing of value there is: love.

The second phase began with that realization. I reached out to Prem and begged him to help me find something of value. I desperately wanted to feel like I was alive even if only for the few months I had left. It was the only thing I had ever done that came from my heart. Every other decision I had ever made was from my head. Thankfully he heard my plea and like Prince Charming, he awakened this sleeping beauty with a kiss. That's when my life really began and it led to this seemingly crazy trip where instead of things, I accumulated lovers and together we explored the world of value.

To say thank you seems so inadequate to express the deep gratitude I feel for having all of you in my life. To have the opportunity to love you and have you love me is the greatest gift I've ever been given. Because of what we have shared I no longer fear dying. I have not only accepted it I have embraced it as the culmination of my life not the termination of it. I hope you have learned to face your own mortality as a consequence of our love and meditations and see that what we call death is merely a transition to something greater.

I know that all of you will forever be changed by our experiences and I hope you continue to exemplify the higher levels of love and spirituality that we have come to know. I know that I will live on in your hearts for as long as any of you is still living. Because of Prem and his beloved wife I will leave a legacy in the child I will have because of their love for me. I hope you all get to meet Sandy someday. Without her understanding and compassion none of this would have happened.

If any of you ever need anything I know I can speak for Prem when I tell you to contact him and all of you are welcome to come back here anytime you want whether or not anybody else is here. I will make sure that Marvin puts all of you on the permanent guest list."

When she finished, Peter stood up and said, "Suvarna you are not the only one who has lived their life in two phases. The first part of my life was spent honoring a tradition in my family of serving my country. I was trained from a young boy to be a soldier and I became the best one I could be. Death is not a stranger to me. I've seen it many times, on the giving side when I killed an enemy and on the receiving side as I held my brothers in my arms and they soaked me in their blood and gasped out their last breath. This was the price to be paid for freedom, I told myself.

After I left the service I chose to live an almost reclusive life thinking I didn't need the comfort of someone to love and to love me in return. I wanted to be free and roam around on the sea away from the soft life on shore. I was still a warrior that dealt with life aggressively and acted tough; believing I could get the things I needed by force and being strong. I don't regret or condemn anything I did. That was then; this is now.

Then you and your group walked on board Lorelei and into my life. What Prem did for you; you've done for me. And I didn't even have to ask you for it, you gave it to me unselfishly, requiring nothing in return. You have shown me there is another way to live. When you and I stood in the cockpit and made love while sailing the boat I was fundamentally changed. I was in awe of your bravery to do what you did naked and unafraid, completely without shame or embarrassment. You showed me you don't need a gun to face the world with courage. You taught me that sex isn't just a biological function but it can be a doorway to something I never knew existed; a love that you embody and inspires me to stand here and say these things.

I made the decision at that moment to relinquish command of my fate to you and try something totally new. In only two weeks you've changed my life. You were gentle, kind, generous and unafraid of being vulnerable. You showed me that having power is not what makes you strong. Strength is having the wisdom not to use that power unless you absolutely have to; and then only to seek justice and not revenge. You never lied to me. You never ordered me to do anything. You led by example not by decree. You invited me to try things for myself and make my own decisions. Something a soldier is not used to doing. For these two weeks you have been the captain of my soul and I have never served under a better commander. I respect and admire you. I love you as I loved the men I served with and there is no higher honor a Seal can pay you than that.

At the end of the movie 'Hero' a nameless master swordsman finally gets the opportunity to kill his longtime adversary, the king of Qin. Instead of killing him he gives him a scroll that says the greatest thing a warrior can learn to do with his sword is to put it down and live in peace. You have shown me the truth written on that scroll and I will honor that wisdom for the rest of my life."

Then he saluted her. The rest of the crew stood and saluted with him. I really wished I had a video of this speech. I had never witnessed a more profound example of the power of love and compassion to change somebody's heart, especially somebody with Peter's background.

The meditation that followed was incredible. It transformed the sadness we had all felt after listening to Suvarna and Peter into celebratory joy and filled us with love. Peter and Rachel asked if they could spend the night with Suvarna since they would sleep on the boat tomorrow night. Andy slept with Mitra and I spent the night with Debby.

The next afternoon we took both vans and all went to the marina to drop off the crew and Angelika and David. We had dinner at the restaurant in the marina, which was much better than I had expected. We said goodbye to our friends and discovered again how sweet the sorrow of parting is. We drove back to the estate talking about the wonderful times we had enjoyed on Lorelei.

Daniella and Giorgio got their last chance to be with Suvarna on Friday night while I shared the night with Genevieve. The next morning we took them to the airport to catch their flight to St. Thomas. This parting was more like a 'see you later' than a goodbye since we would be in contact quite often to keep updated on the conversion of the palazzo into a boutique hotel. I would see them again when the hotel got up and running.

We were back to the group the way it had been in Lyon. Janelle wanted to be with me as much as possible before we left.

We spent the day the same way we had been spending them, meditating, massaging and playing on the beach and in the pool. We were all very comfortable with each other and the level of affection was noticeably higher. When we ate lunch in the dining room. Emma and Sally, one of the maids, said they had never been around people that loved each other as much as we did and that being here with us made them happy. Mitra told her to try being more loving with her own family and see what happens.