Will You Love Me 'Til I Die? Ch. 22

The evening meditation was quiet but still powerful despite the fact that the group was smaller now. The difference was that we were making everything we did a meditation so the energy was constantly circulating. That was most noticeable when we gathered around Suvarna to do her visualization.

Jean wanted to sleep with Suvarna and Mitra while I spent the night with Janelle since Alysse was coming to stay with us in New York. Janelle and I walked along the beach before going to bed. The moon was bright as we strolled along at the water's edge. "I will never forget the time I've spent with you and Suvarna. I don't know the words, even in French, to tell you how much I love both of you or how heartbroken I'm going to be when I hear that she's gone."

"Losing people you love is all part of life Janelle. In the book 'The Prophet" it is written:"

When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though

the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him, though his voice may shatter

your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's

Threshing floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh but not

all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

"It's not love that breaks your heart, it's the attachment. If you turn a person into an object and you cling to that object you will destroy the love you have for it. This is the difference between divine love and what most people think love is. We have to learn to let her go Janelle. Just as others you love will someday leave you and one day you too will leave. It's OK to be sad, go ahead weep all of your tears and remember that being able to do so is a gift that loving her has given you."

"Ohhhhhh Goddddd Prem it's so hard. It hurts so bad!" The tears streamed out of her eyes and she dropped to her knees and sobbed. I knelt beside her and held her hand and let my tears join hers as they fell to the sand. The little waves came and washed them away.

We may not have wept all our tears but we let them flow for a long time. I put my arm around her and told her, "Some day we will understand why things are the way they are. And that day will come sooner because we had her to love even for this all too brief time. Until then we must accept that which we are unable to understand and be happy that we had her for as long as we did."

We walked slowly back to the house then went upstairs to take a bath. I lit candles then turned on the water to fill the tub. We got in and lay silently in the hot water and relaxed. The catharsis we had shared on the beach had wearied both of us. She was lying between my legs leaning back on me. I rubbed her shoulders and scooped up the warm water to let it cascade over them. Our breathing synchronized and our chests softly rose and fell in unison. Gradually our love dispelled the sadness and restored our spirits.

My hands moved down to her breasts to gently caress them. Her head leaned back on my shoulder and I kissed her neck and face as tenderly as I could. I whispered in her ear, "Ahhhh, This."

She softly replied, "Yessss my love, This."

We lay there in sheer bliss until the water began to cool and then I slowly bathed her with the sponge and the body wash. She did the same for me. We rinsed off and got out of the tub and dried each other with the large towels and made our way to the bed.

I told her to lie on her back. I knelt beside her and began to kiss her. I started at her feet and kissed every square inch of her until I reached her head. She knew what was coming and spread her legs so I could lie between them. Her hand moved to my cock and guided it to her opening. I pushed forward and entered her, sliding in gently until I was buried inside her. We wrapped our arms around each other and only then did I let my lips touch hers. As soon as the kiss began the light started to circulate. The bliss we had shared in the tub returned and enveloped us.

Always before when I had done this with someone I was so close to the ecstasy of the experience that I lost all sense of time and when I stopped I couldn't fully remember what had transpired. Not this time. This time I could be in the ecstasy but apart from it at the same time. I was totally aware of what was happening throughout the entire experience. The problem is I have no words to describe what that was.

Sex was involved but we weren't just having sex. Love was definitely involved but we weren't just making love. We were merging with each other. Blending together in an intimate sharing that has no name. We would disappear for a while and reemerge somewhere but I can't tell you where that is. This was super-sex and it took us to super-consciousness. This wasn't something we did. It was something we became.

I understood why the past experiences were dimly recollected. We weren't ready for them. They overwhelmed our ability to absorb them so our minds shrouded the memories from us in an effort to maintain its tyrannical control of our consciousness. But this time we let go completely. We were not only ready to face Suvarna's death; we were prepared to face our own. Thus we were shown what few have ever seen.

I can't say anymore about this. I've already said too much... And I haven't said enough.

When we returned to this plane of existence we felt incredible. We weren't hungry or tired or sleepy or thirsty; we just were. Lying side by side on our backs, Janelle took my hand. "We don't have to be sad anymore Prem because now we know. Now we can let her go. Now we can really say we love her."

I rolled over on my side facing her and pulled her to me and kissed her. "And now I can really say I love you."

She looked at me with her sparkling eyes and said, "I bet you say that to all the girls you do this with."

"Actually, I do."

She smiled then turned over facing away from me and moved back against me. I put my arm over her and held her tight with my hand covering her warm soft breast. This is how we went to sleep.

When we awoke we showered and went down for the morning meditation. As soon as Mitra saw us she walked up to us and put her arms around each of us in turn and hugged us. She could tell something was different about us. She asked me what we did last night and I told her how deeply we went into circulating the light.

"Do you two feel like doing it again?"

"I feel like I could, what about you Janelle?

"Sure, I'd be delighted to do it again."

"I want to take advantage of your heightened state so Jean and Alysse can experience it with you. If it looks like it's getting to be too much for you I'll intervene but this is a great opportunity for the others. Suvarna, Vitesha and I will just sit silently with you."

I felt more energetic this morning than when we had done it last night. I guess the crying session on the beach had taken something out of me. But being with Janelle restored me.

We went out by the pool and put down some cushions and covered them with large chenille bedspreads. Alysse and I knelt on one of them facing each other. I held her hands in mine and looked at her beautiful face. Her delicate fingers were calm and warm and her face was serene and peaceful. As compelling as her physical features were I realized that all of this grace was coming from deep within her and that I was seeing her, not just an external representation.

Most women are raised to use cosmetics to enhance their appearance and hide what they perceive to be flaws and accentuate characteristics that they believe will make them more attractive. When you look at a woman carefully as I was doing now there is usually a slight nervousness that the person looking at you will see beneath the cover up and spot the flaws. This uneasiness causes a subtle tension that can be seen as well as felt. There was not a trace of this on Alysse's face. And she wasn't even wearing makeup.

She had that calm, self-assuredness that I admired so much in Mitra. Her countenance proclaimed her beauty. Not in an egotistical way but by projecting confidence that she was secure in her body, mind and spirit and she had nothing to hide or that needed to be embellished. On top of that she knew because of how much we loved each other that she could trust the image of herself that I reflected back to her.

This is what is essential in being able to circulate the light. Both parties had to have reached a higher level of love where they could see each other beneath the surface and not be self-conscious about their true nature. This was being completely naked with each other, not just the absence of clothes but wanting to reveal your very essence to the other. This trust, engendered as a consequence of the love, was the heart of the secret to circulating the light because in the light nothing can be withheld. That is the reason most people are incapable of doing this.

It took only a few seconds of silent communication for us to begin to let go of our minds and settle into the love we felt for each other. We probably could have begun at this point but we were in no hurry. "Before we start, let's have a little fun first Alysse."

"Of course my love. Would you mind if Suvarna joins us? I want her to hold me while you play with me."

"Suvarna, would you please hold this precious child while I get her ready?"

She moved to sit cross-legged behind Alysse as she lay back on the makeshift bed. When she was fully reclined Suvarna lowered her head and placed her lips on her mouth and began to tenderly kiss her. The gentle passion of that kiss was enough to get my arousal started. I knelt between her widespread legs and just looked at them as they kissed. Love radiated from them. You can actually feel it when two lovers can silence their minds and let their hearts overflow with love for each other. Sometimes you can see it as an aura around them. There is nothing more beautiful on this earth. What makes it so beautiful is that it anchors you in the present moment. Right now, this moment is all that matters. There's nothing else to think about and nothing to say. Only love exists and it's here, now.

I lay down and kissed my way from her knee up to her pussy on one leg and then the other. She pulled her knees up to fully expose her crotch and invite me to kiss her there as Suvarna was kissing her mouth. I accepted her invitation and ran my tongue up the full length of her slit then kissed my way back to the bottom. Suvarna moved one of her hands to Alysse's breast and began to caress it.

We were so attuned to each other that we knew exactly what to do without having to think about it. All of our senses were fully engaged and connected. I listened to the sounds of lovemaking. I felt the warmth of her body. I inhaled the mingled fragrances that sweetened the air all around us. I savored the delicious taste of her pussy and her juices as they tantalized my taste buds. I marveled at how delicately she communicated her pleasure to me by the way she pressed her hips forward to invite my lips and tongue to continue their exploration of her.

My hands cupped her ass cheeks and gently squeezed and caressed them feeling her flesh accept my touch. Giving and taking had merged into a single act for all of us. Every movement had an equal amount of both. When you are this close to the ones you love it's impossible to be selfish because you don't know where you stop and they begin.

Simultaneously we all knew we were ready. Suvarna sat up but still kept Alysse lying back on her lap. I looked deep into Suvarna's eyes as I moved slowly into position above Alysse's supine body and brought the head of my cock to her wet opening. As soon as we touched, what we were doing ceased to be sex. My eyes lowered to meet hers. I paused briefly as our gaze locked into place and softened. The feeling of falling began as a signal for me to enter her completely. It intensified as my cock slid effortlessly into her welcoming warm embrace. I lowered my chest down and felt her soft breasts press gently on mine. I moved my mouth toward hers as slowly as I could and when they met, the light began to circulate.

Softly and gently it flowed through us carrying us deeper and higher at the same time. I was becoming familiar with the experience now but it was still unique for each person I did it with. Like flowers, the essential aspect was the same for all of them but each one varied in the expression. With Alysse it was delicate and graceful. Our movements were like those of ice dancers gliding smoothly and silently across a frozen surface. The last vestige of resistance evaporated in the warmth of the light and soon it didn't seem to circulate as much as just form a constant ring in us and around us. The color changed from golden to bright white.

The light intensified the love we were feeling to the point that it changed too; our love transformed into prayer. Now we were no longer making love, we were in deep communion. There's nothing I can say about this state. It would do no good even if I could because it's not a mental phenomenon.

We stayed there for about two hours. When it ended, we saw that Suvarna had moved to the side of the cushions in order to allow our bodies to express what we had been feeling. There were tears in her eyes. "You two were unbelievably exquisite. I never took my eyes off you the whole time. It was spellbinding."

Apparently Janelle and Jean had gone as deeply into it as we had. Mitra and Vitesha were sitting close to them and I heard Janelle telling them she was so glad she had been able to do this with her brother. There would now be a bond between them forever that was based on pure love and all doubt and shame about having sex with each other had been vanquished, never to bother them again. They both said this was the highpoint of their lives and by coming to know the other, they had come to know themselves. Then they asked Mitra to initiate them as disciples because they wanted to take this new spirituality that they had discovered as far as they could and they loved Mitra as much as they loved each other.

Mitra looked at Alysse and said, "What about you Alysse? Do you love me enough to become a disciple?"

"I no longer know the meaning of enough love my beloved Mitra. Just when I think I do, you find a way for me to discover more. I would be honored to be your disciple."

We had their blessing that evening and Jean became Anand. Janelle's new name was Dhyan. Alysse would be known as Turiya. The seven of us would be linked not just in life but also in eternity.

Jean asked, "What is the significance of our new names?"

"They are Sanskrit words for the names of gods or kings or great meditators or attributes of enlightened people. They really have no significance. All of you have learned that you are not your name and when you realize your own enlightenment there will be no need for names. It's just a device to break your identification with the name you were given at birth. Don't take them seriously."

It had been a busy day and we all seemed to be ready to get to sleep so we broke into our sleeping groups and headed for bed. Tomorrow was our last full day here before we headed back to New York the following day. We spent the whole day in meditations including one were we walked as slowly as possible along the beach keeping our eyes focused on the ground about three feet ahead of us. It always amazed me how effective these simple little meditations were. We got packed up and turned in one of the vans; we would leave the other one at the airport.

Emma and the maids were sad to see us going. They had gotten used to us being around and enjoyed our company. Suvarna gave them each a nice tip for taking such good care of us. They hugged her with tears in their eyes knowing they would never see her again. I tried to cheer them up by telling them I would definitely be back and was seriously considering living here.

The following morning they fixed us a very nice breakfast before we left for the airport. When we arrived and turned in the van we were greeted by the pilot of the chartered jet. He helped us go through the screening and customs process and escorted us to a lounge where we met the co-pilot and the flight attendant. We waited while they oversaw putting our luggage on board and when it had all been secured he told us we could go on board.

The plane was both larger and nicer than I had expected. There were three rows of two large comfortable seats on either side and plenty of legroom between them. Behind the seats were two tables with small sofas on either side of them and a galley for fixing drinks and food. Further along was a door leading to six sleeping compartments with double beds in them. It looked like we could all get a chance to join the mile-high club if we wanted to.

We put our carry-on bags away and got comfortable. The engines started up and we began to taxi out to the runway. There was no other traffic around so as soon as we made the turn the pilot revved the engines and we rolled down the smooth surface until we felt the plane lift up into the air. The attendant asked us if we wanted anything but it was too soon after breakfast to eat. She said there would be a nice lunch in about two hours then told us if we needed anything to press the call button. There was a room in the back of the plane where she would sit until it was time for lunch.

As soon as the seatbelt sign went out the pilot made an announcement about our route and expected time of arrival in New York. Janelle was sitting next to me and turned to me as she said, "Hey sailor, are you looking for a good time? If you are, I know where we can go to have one. It was very thoughtful of Suvarna to supply us with a bed for our trip to New York."

"We've spent enough time in bed lately. How about we stay here in these comfortable lounge chairs and you give me one of your superb hand jobs." She unbuckled her seatbelt, raised the armrests between us then stood up and got a bottle of massage oil and a couple of small towels out of her carry-on bag. She grabbed a blanket out of the overhead bin to cover us. As she did so she made a point of showing me that she wore no panties under the short skirt she had on.

"I see you were well prepared for my request."

"I know you better than you know yourself Prem. Neither of us wanted to miss a chance to do this one last time. Who knows when we will ever get to do this again?"

"Janelle, you're one of the sweetest people on earth and I don't have to tell you how much I've enjoyed having you in my life. Rest assured we will meet again. Until that day arrives know that I will always keep you in my heart just as I know I will always be in yours."

She told me to stand up then she unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down. Next she put one of the small towels on the seat and told me to sit down. "We don't want to mess up these nice seats now do we?" She sat back down and poured some of the oil in her hand then put the bottle in the pocket in the seat. As she reached her oily hand over to wrap her fingers around my cock she said, "Put the blanket over us so the attendant won't throw us off the plane if she comes back."

As soon as I felt her soft warm hand surround my shaft I pushed the button to recline our seats a little. Then I laid my head back and surrendered to joy. For the next forty-five minutes she rubbed, caressed, squeezed, tickled and massaged my cock with so much care and affection that I thought I would float out of the seat. I finally said to her, "Janelle, this isn't a hand job, it's a love job."