All Comments on 'Wonder Drug at the Church Picnic'

Such a dirty little slut. How about another part, we need to find out is she is pregnant

I enjoyed this.

He's wearing PANTIES? He goes and fucks this 18yr old virgin knowing he's getting her pregnant, and totally ignores Mom's pussy? Why not try to knock both of them up at the same time? And if he only wants young pussy, why did you not write him cooking for a 'Young Adult Women's' class or a young women's retreat at a church camp? You have so many opportunities that you waste. And why is he trying to get her pregnant on purpose? This is kind of lame.

Making a story something we can suspend belief and accept is of utmost importance when writing fiction. For instance Anne McCaffery, in her 'Dragon Riders of Pern series has us fully accepting men bonding with dragons on a far away planet for the time it takes us to finish the book. That's because she keeps everything believable if it were taking place under the conditions she created. I just can't quite do that with your story.

Now don't misunderstand, you have a story line that could have been successful along so many avenues; a believable encounter with the girl, action with the mother, or after once with each and they are REALLY turned on move to both at once.

BTW maybe I misses something, but I didn't catch the Taboo aspect of your story. KEEP TRYING, YOU SHOW TALENT!

How can I give it a minus score?

What's with this infatuation with pregnancy? Should have fucked the mother instead . . . .