All Comments on 'Won't You Smile Awhile For Me'

Hey Smokey,

For one, I definitely appreciate you picking a slightly more individual aesthetic for your characters. The fact that Melleny was "Deschanel-like" is a much needed break from the standard "blonde-haired sexy heel-wearing" archetype you get for most of the characters on here. Yours seem a lot more believable as people, while retaining a hint of fantasy about them.

Just some constructive criticism:

I don't think the word " 'twas " was necessary here. In modern literature it only rarely works, and a lot of the time it's for irony. Not really sure why it was used in this story. Just one word though, no big deal.

Keep it up.

That was my idea of a perfect first date , I am a little jealous actually . Another dreamy dream sequence from you Smokey . Nice to see Velette make a dream appearance again . The chocolate game I am defiantly going to try that one out , a gentle way of introducing a blind fold and heightening the senses.

I would like to think of Sara and Melleny spending many more evenings together snuggled up on the sofa under a blanket , sharing a box of chocolates .

Lovely story of the start of a romance between two believable and likeable characters .

Thank you Smokey . Top marks and another in my fav box

JC

A first date and the girls fitting like a manolo blahnik should do, so the next date will be just around the corner ….. lovely and this subconscious dream date was brilliant

Ten hearts 💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝✨💋